A season of accomplishment...

hooray for grandparents
marching in...can you see the joy on my face! praise the Lord!
attempt at looking nice for class night
counting down the days until graduation and anxiously awaiting scholarships
my sash....decorated with an NHS pin, embroidery and I recieved a yellow honors cord!

Well..I'm finally done.

I couldn't have asked the Lord for a better day.

The only way my day could've gotten any better would've been to have Chris here with me to celebrate.

I'm thankful for family.

I am free.

There are no more casual excuses of why I can't go here, or do this.

I'm ready to do the Lord's work and nothing is holding me back!

I'm ready!

I'm excited!

I'm a little frightened, and unsure..

but there's peace...

and hope...

and I am trusting in the Lord...

He's my security!

Good bye Caribou High School!

Goodbye useless AP Bio tests!

Goodbye Physics.

Dirty hallways...

late bells...

tardy slips...

rubber burgers!

It was a joyful blessing for me to celebrate the accomplishment of graduating from highschool with some of the people I love most in this world. It was a privilege to be in company with the Lavaways and to spend an entire day with my aunts, uncles and grandparents. It was a joy to have a best friend spend part of her birthday honoring my accomplishment, showing unselfish love and encouragement during this season of my life. It was a joy to see the smiling faces of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ cheering for me as I recieved my diploma and marched by! God is so good!

Here am I...send me!

"But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God."
Acts 20:24 NASB

Prom 2006

me & chelsey (she looks just like cinderella, isn't she gorgeous!?)
Varsity Girls Softball Team Seniors 06'
(me and micah wall)
(dan morneault & I)
The rec. crew (me, billis & em)

beauty before our eyes...

"Your whisper it echoes like a joyous thunder...
Your laughter, it warms me like a summer breeze...
Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendor...
You're close and yet full of mystery...
Ever since the day...
That I saw your face...
Try as I may, I can not look away...
I can not look away...
I am captivated by you...
Captivated by you...
May my life be one unbroken gaze...
Fixed upon the beauty of your face..."

Take a walk and open your eyes.
Are you beholding Christ's beautiful creation?
Be blessed dear friends!

a thought on sisters

Thinking about it, I spent a large part of my day with my beloved sisters in Christ, many of them.

The morning began in a small circle at church with some of my fellow ladies from Shiktehawk and P. Scott. We shared and joyed in the Lord together. It was a great time to reconnect and reflect upon what the Lord's been at work doing.

Oh how I have missed Rachelle...I have not seen her in about 3 weeks, but the Lord provided an opportunity to connect for a few minutes and just say hello. Pam and I had a conversation that made me laugh and joy in the resoration the Lord has brought to our relationship that is now a friendship. Then...came Lor. My spirit jumped for joy when I saw her! It was such a joy to worship next to my sister in Christ. Praise the Lord for his goodness! He is good. I got an auntie debbie hug. I also got to see Kristin and we talked about missing my man and our excitement for the summer.

As silly as it may sound to some, when I don't see my "sisters" for a long while, I feel something is lacking. The Lord uses us to build one another up and to spur each other on in Christ. When we wake each morning we have a choice to speak life or death upon those we encounter throughout the day. Perhaps one of the things I love most is speaking life with my beautiful sist ers. Oh I can't wait until the day I get my white stallion and can ride as a warrior for Christ in His army...the day I will worship beside my sisters& brothers in Christ with the angels and Jesus himself. :)

on the riverbank

"5This is what the LORD says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD. 6They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, on the salty flats where no one lives.
7“But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. 8They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit." -Jeremiah 17:5-8 NLT

Praise the Lord for His promises...be confident in Him and His promises. Stand firm on them!

c'est moi

Well...this is what I look like in the yearbook...and the up and coming edition of the newspaper.
Time has flown since this picture was taken.
Just felt like sharing...no one recieving senior pictures from me will be getting one that looks like this because I didn't buy them.
Mom took a picture of me outside in the beautiful autumn scenery and we made our own!
I dislike very much having people spend money on me...so I got creative!
Enjoy!

cute little creatures

My mom sent me an e-mail that had several silly photos of animals sleeping. These were most certainly my favorites!

Aren't they just adorable little creatures...so relaxed, so free...they can just sleep and think about Jesus all day!
Lucky!

deeper

I spent the weekend away at Shiktehawk Bible Camp in Canada with 30ish Christ loving women at the Women's Prayer Summit.

The Lord brought me to a deeper place than I've ever been with him before. Never have I felt this true all consuming joy pulsating through my body. Never have I felt such freedom, compassion and peace. Never have my eyes shown the Holy Spirit living in me. Never have I found my place among women. Never have I gone to war against the enemy clad fully in my armor of praise. I recieved the baptism of the Holy Ghost and experienced a deep gut wrenching laughter after. I found my true joy, him. I found my true peace, him. My heart is at rest, in him. I have been called by him, for him. I was compelled to step out of the boat and walk on a substance I have no business being on, by him...I'm floating down the middle of the river, his river.

The Lord spoke to me..." Come away with me beloved...", he brought me deeper than ever before. Then, because he is mighty and never finished with us, he drew me even deeper into his spirit and whispered "You'll never be the same beloved, you'll never be the same."

He breathed on me......I am forver changed...never, never to be the same.

(Inspiring: Proverbs 3:24-26, John 16:24, Matthew 5:3 & Ecc. 4:12)

CPR

I must say I enjoyed my evening with two of my most favorite people in the world. Lor, Chris & I took a CPR/First Aid class tonight at the church with my mom's buddy Frank Patane from the Caribou Fire Department. I had an enjoyable time. Besides being slightly too powerful with my compressions, I think I did alright. I certainly had them laughing...I love it when Chris laughs.

I love medical stuff, but I've come to realize that at one point in time, i was very capable of doing well in that field, but the Lord has given me His calling...and through that my heart has been filled with the desire to follow Him. My whole heart has been committed to Him...without any heart for medical studies, I find myself incapable of doing things I used to easily. Wow...perhaps one day the Lord will call me and my future husband into the jungle or desert to do medical things...but until that day, I remain content with my little CPR compressions and praying with all my heart that I never find anyone like that...and if I do, that they'll start breathing again.

Well...tomorrow I get to spend lunch time with Chris. I have a day off from school, just because. I'm getting my senior pictures (which aren't entirely beautiful...but hey.) made and then it's off to Camp Shiktehawk for the Women's Prayer Retreat! I am excited to watch the Lord work and move this weekend!

*I really enjoyed this quote today:
"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have." -Abraham Lincoln

forever

Forever God is faithful...
Forever God is strong...
Forever God is with us...
Forever and ever and ever...

If there's one thing for sure, the Lord's promises always hold true.
I read a passage on a friend's blog the other day (Danielle Flewelling) quoting her brother (Gabe) saying something to the effect of "if you question something there's only a chance of,it's not doubt, but if you question a promise, that is doubt."

I stand on the promises of the Almighty, Jesus Christ this evening, remembering how great he is, that forever he is faithful, strong and with me. He is not man that he should lie. His grace is sufficient. He will provide! Oooooh I am so excited to see God moving and working and changing the lives of my loved ones around me and my own life. Ooohh to be more like Jesus. Freedom from doubts...secure in who I am in Christ...deep deep down...I feel a deep longing to just offer praise for His faithful promises. Though I may not see the fruits of these promises just yet, they'll come and oh...what a celebration and joyous time it will be when the Lord's timing allows for my life to be blessed by his grace and promises. EEeeeehhHH!!!

forever satan is useless...
forever he is pitifully weak...
forever he will burn in fire...
forever, and ever...forever.

The love of the Lord endures! satan has no claim over our lives, our thoughts or our hearts.
BECAUSE...
Forever God is faithful...
Forever God is strong...
Forever God is with us...
Forever, and ever and ever!!!!!!!!!

(belated) Tribute to my beautiful mother: Rita L. Zbylut

My mom is not one of eloquent words...

but when she speaks her wisdom spills into the ears of those

willing to hear.
My mother is beautiful, thoughtful,

lovable and goofy.

Creative, Motivated, Encouraging
and blunt.

Her desire for flavor and something "different"

spices up the life of even the dullest person.

Her smile is like sunshine...

Her laughter makes people question their frowns.

Mom never gives up.

She may be rash at times, but often is straighforward and determined.

On November 13, 1987, she became a mom for the first time.

I'm sure she was petrified, excited, exhausted,
and still

curious, shy, worried and proud.

Mom's the superwoman of Northern Maine.

She loves my dad with all her heart.

She gives 100%+ in ALL she does.

Though she may not claim to have accomplished much,

her beauty, wisdom, love and experiences dig deeper

than what mere words can cover.

My mom is incredible.

I love her!
Happy Mother's Day to the best Mom for me!

I'm thankful the Lord has blessed me with a mother who

pursues His heart and will.

Mom always has a knowing about things...

Her inner strength and heart have been tested time and time again.

She's tough as a button.
Stubborn as a bull.

Huggable as a teddybear.

Compassionate and Loyal as a sister!

I love my Mom!

exciting victory

If you've ever been part of a program, that promises success, strives for success and desires success, however, when they seem to be taking 1 step forward, it's really 3 steps back...you know how it feels to be a Senior on the Caribou High School Girls Softball Team. A Varsity starter for 4 years, (2nd base for 3years and 3rd for this year)...I know what it feels like to lose. It stinks...but afterawhile, you become content. you mark on your calendar the last day of the season, because you know when it will end. There's no spontaneuty or wonder of playoffs...no hope for gleaming success or crediting articles in the paper...just the comings and goings of each day, being content in your position, swinging a bat just because and letting another year slip by with a lovely habitual record of 2-14.

Well I can happily say that this season has been a blue. I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that we've already had 7/16 games and are trucking our ways slowly to a successful, growing season. We dropped our first 3 games (one vs. PI and a double header vs. john bapst) to start the season, but we decided to step up and turn things around. We were victorious with an at home win vs. Fort Kent followed by a BIG double-header sweep last Saturday vs. Mattanomack (who beat PI earlier on)...then tonight, in company with the rain and shivery cold of Houlton, ME, we claimed another WIN over the Houlton Shiretowners in a 9 inning game! WOOOOOHHHHH!!!! We will follow this up with a double header on Saturday (Caribou vs. Hermon) and hopefully set our eyes and goals a little higher each day!

Sure it feels great to win, wonderful to win...but victory is a temporary high. Losing allows us to become content. I'm done with content. It excites me to see my fellow teammate showing up to practice unexpectant, ready to learn and excited to work! I'm proud to say I'm a member of the CHS Softball team with a 4-3 record on the season so far.

If you get a chance, come on out and catch a game this season, you might just be surprised!

Upcoming games:
5/13/06 Caribou vs. Hermon 12:30/2:00
5/17/06 Caribou @ Fort Kent 5:00pm
(5/20/06 Caribou @ Bucksport 12/2:00)---won't be at these ones (Women's Prayer Summit)
5/24/06 Caribou @ Presque Isle 7:00pm
5/27/06 Caribou vs. Ellsworth 12:00/2:00
5/30/06 Caribou vs. Houlton 4:00 pm

Security

Who IS this young woman? Who AM I? IS my life really valued? Does God really think I'm beautiful?
At times I've questioned my self -worth...value...personality...desirablility.

Do people value my company? Do they really WANT to be around me?

Am I a joyful young woman who's love for Jesus REALLY shines even in the darkest of times?

Sunday morning...I found myself.

All of these questions I've let boggle my minds for months, years, practically my entire life...

were answered.

Jealously, bitterness, fearing of man and at times anger.

Where were these things coming from and why wouldn't they go away?

I needed to open up...and let God KILL the ROOT of evil that had clenched desperately to my heart.

I feel more free than I have ever felt...

I'm not worried about the summer...

I know God is going to prove his promises true.

I feel secure in who I am in Christ & as ashamed as I might have been to say this at any other time...I need to be open...I don't want "No Tresspassing" signs in my life.

I feel joyful, loved, beautiful and full of Christ's water of life.

It becomes so easy to toss aside those little hidden things...to trick ourselves into thinkining we've dealt with them.

We close them away in a drawer and when the going gets tough or something triggers an *emotion*, we go to that drawer and clothe outselves in it.

Well I praise the Lord that the garmet, the root of insecurity of who I am in Christ has been ripped to shreds and burned with the allsufficient grace of God. I can claim and have a deep knowing of who I am in Christ.

I've always known...but my heart has lacked that deep knowing.

I am Christy Lynn Zbylut and Jesus loves me.

I am a Daughter of the King and live because of His grace.

I am me.

I am worth it.

I am desired.

Enjoyed.

Loved.

Cherished.

Wanted.

Needed.

Valuable.

I am...beautiful.

God's creation is marvelous and wonderful...when our eyes are opened to His beauty we notice little things...like spring flowers in front of the house. I didn't even realize I had pretty flowers like this in my yard! What a blessing!

A beautiful day, painted and displayed, perfectly by Him.

"Those who trust in the Lord as as secure as Mount Zion; they will not be defeated but will endure forever. Just as the mountains surround and protect Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds and protects his people , both now and forever." -Psalm 125:1-2 NLT

inteligente

I rarely read e-mail forwards, but lately I've been blessed with some very interesting or neat ones. A fellow NHS pal sent me one called "Christian one-liners" and as I read I found a few I thought worthy of sharing. It's amazing how our minds need such delicate steps to comprehend things on such a large scale of magnificence. We can't even begin to behold the glory our Lord Jesus Christ has...yet sometimes we make him the co-pilot of our lives, eat the forbidden fruits and place question marks where he placed a period! Be blessed

-People are funny; they want the
front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the
church.

-Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

-Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

-Forbidden fruits create many jams

-God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

-If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats

-Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

-The Will of God never takes you to
where the Grace of God will not protect you

-The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

senioritis

My mind is screaming inside...
I feel restless...NO MORE TESTS...NO MORE PROJECTS! NO MORE!
Work is getting done, however, there's way too much of it...
It's May...
Softball season is in full swing...
Caps & Gowns are ordered...
Marching 9th in my class...
Scholarships...Goals...
Speeches...Prayers..
Prom...Dresses...
Summer...Financial Aid...Loans...
These are all symptoms of SENIORITIS...or better yet, all contributers.


Graduation is just around the corner...my summer is going to be an adventure! I look forward to the things God's got in store for me and I He's going to teach me about His character, His promises and goodness...I look forward to homefront missions and reaching june 11th with part of my heart catching a plane to Panama...the other part accepting a diploma of hard work and good deeds over the past 12+ years of my life in my right hand, smiling joyfully as I try to gracefully waltz across a recently constructed stage...It's going to be good...good good good...but for now, I'm ready to be done done done with school and on on on with the things to come!!

por que...

It's indescribable how breathtaking You are...

"Prayer is calling on God for help; so it is plain that he is gloriously resourceful and we are humbly and happily in need of grace. The Giver gets the glory. We get help." -John Piper

Photos from a sunset a few weeks ago...rest in Him.
I've got the joy, joy joy joy
down in my heart, where?
down in my heart, where?
down in my heart...
I've got the joy, joy joy joy
down in my heart, where?
down in my heart to stay!!!!!!!!!!

Wordlessness into words?

I think sometimes talking with Jesus all the time, brings a freedom that can't come about any other way......I've gotten back and claimed the peace I had before the enemy struck in all of his crummy abundant lies.

John Piper wrote in The Dangerous Duty of Delight " Worship is the highest moral act a human can perform...when worship is reduced to disinterested duty, it ceases to be worship...worship is a feast of the glorious perfections of God in Christ. God is not honored when we celebrate the high days of our relationship our of a mere sense of duty. He is honored when those days are our delight! "

This shakes my mind...I'm starting to wonder if my perception and perhaps stereo-typical view of worship is wrong...I didn't think I had a
"view" about worship...it's always been something of such heartfelt freedom for me, I've never considered that God calls us in his word to "Delight yourself in the LORD" Psalm 37:4.

Piper continues saying " People ought to come to corporate worship servies to get. They ought to come starved for God...God is profoundly honored when people know that they will die of hunger and thirst unless they have God."

Now I must admit, that the word starved makes my heart flutter a bit. Do I really know what it feels like to be starved for Christ? Do any of us know what it's like to be starved for Christ? What exactly is starving? My mind wanders to the millions of images that have been planted in my mind over the span of my lifetime of small children with limp appendages and big, bowling ball bellies. They are without the comforts of life and completely helpless...they're always crying out for a hope. Is that how I am to come to Jesus in worship? Helpless as a small, unfed, bowling ball bellied little child? Awaiting His living waters and bread of life to cleanse my needs sufficiently? Come starved to worship...

Many worship songs speak of being hungry for Christ...hungry to seek after Him. But this word starved, I can't quite get over the intensity of it. When you're hungry, what do you do? You eat right? My mind is beginning to think that sometimes we allow God to be our peanut butter and jelly sandwich, instead of the living water and bread of life that fills our empty bellies. We come adorned in our designer jeans, straightened hair, hungry to feel His living pursuit...then...when we feel satisfied...and our hunger has been quenched...we turn around and leave.

Perhaps I"m being too "deep" with this...but why would I come hungry for Christ, when I could come starved??? My heart longs to be filled with Him. I guess I see hunger on a "need to basis". When we're hungry we feed ourselves...but when we feel full...we forget about eating. When we're starving...our only longing, our only hope, help and supply can come from the One who quenches our thirst and hunger. Stravation requires a process...to nourish an unnourished child, they don't gobble down a full course meal and walk away...they aren't hungry...they're starving. Instead, recovery from this starvation is a process. Worship is a journey with Christ...it doesn't happen just every weekend and go on vacation Monday-Friday/Saturday until we get hungry again. We must be fed in continuous increasing portions.

Come starving to worship... "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God." Psalm 42:1
When I think of "panting" I think of a little dog who's run laps around a big yard and it now, helplessly out of breath, waiting to lap up the water his master has given him. When the Lord leaves you breathless...don't you pant for Him? Are you starving for Christ?

Come starving to worship...may your soul pant for Jesus. :)
OOoooOOh mine does...Be blessed friends!

"You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)

Haystack (4-23-06)

Jessica & me on top of the mountain
Sherri taking a break...
Jessica...modeling? I suppose it's the new *nature* look
An early view of the setting sun...which would only become more breathtaking as the evening wore on.
Jessica falling off of Haystack...Sherri decided it'd be best if she saved her so Mom and Dad wouldn't be mad
Chris & Christy :)
Praising the Lord for His beautiful mountain scenery.
Hooray for Haystack!
Hooray for beautiful weather!
Hooray for loving family!

A group of 17 of us trekked up the beautiful Haystack on Sunday, encountering God's beautiful kiss of evening and a great bonding time of laughter and togetherness. Four of us had the bright idea of climbing twice...we're the crazy ones in the photos above. It was a nice time of fellowship, a great way to spend a Sunday evening and an enjoyable way to appreciate the summery weather. I love my family & I love being loved. God is amazing! He truly takes my breath away...I'm captivated by His beauty. To Him be all the glory forever and ever!

Thoughts

Praise the Lord for His unfailing goodness, love and grace.

I think sometimes the hardest part of being a Christian is realizing that you've let the one person you love most down...I serve a God of peace, not of guilt, so I know I am not suppost to feel guilty, and I don't, but it makes my heart sad to know how easily the enemy finds an open door and seeps in with his lies and guilttrips. *Urg*

Another tough thing about being a Christian is the constant laying down of pride and other spiritual issues before our Lord, Jesus Christ. I mess up so much sometimes...and it's not even big things...it's little things like letting a comment slip here or there, or being silent when I should have spoken...I am amazed by the patience Christ has with me, with us all really.

Freedom, Freedom, Freedom...last night Elizabeth Rhyno spoke a word of testimony instead of singing and I praise the Lord that He bound her tongue from singing and for her obedience to speak His words of truth. One word, Discipline, made it all clear to me...sometimes I get so caught up in making sure that my relationship with Christ makes sense and that I follow all the rules...but it's not about the rules...it's about Jesus...it's about His love sacrifice and His daily pursuing after me. It's about His grace, His goodness....It's about walking each day with Him by my side, in freedom.

Last night I was freed from the spirit of religion...the rules were torn up, the mindset of always having to have a discipline with Christ was cast away...He loves me and He knows me name. My joy is back...my joy for the Lord is back..oh how I missed it!

"I have a great need for Christ, I have a great Christ for my need."
-Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834-1892)

On the road...

(Sherri sitting in her car that Mom and Dad bought for her as a surprise yesterday while we were having a sisterly adventure in PI shopping for my lovely prom dress at Pancsofars)
(Sherri getting into her new car...)

(Sherri saying " You guys bought me a car!?!!?! Oh my!?!?! Oh my!??!!)
Can you smell the excitement?

Congratulations Sherri Marie on getting your license! I'm very proud of you and your accomplishment this morning! Way to go! It was a pleasure to teach you parallel parking yesterday regardless of whether or not it was legal...hehehe...and to make a pit stop to go "dress shopping"...hey, we even found "the one"...so the adventure was productive and well worth it! Love you sis! Continue to be safe and smart on the road. :)

Look out world...she's got a car...and a license...what, oh what shall we do??

He knows...

It amazes me that our awesome King Jesus knows my name...He knows my every thought...He hears me when I call. WOW! What a Mighty God we serve!
I was driving home from PI tonight...after spending some quality time tonight walking with Chris. Let's back track for a second though...on the ride back to his house from one of our most traveled walking spots the bike path...I felt like looking at the stars. Why? They were like diamonds in the navy blue sky....it was nearly 9:00 at night and the sky's color had just become a mighty pitch black/navy color. It was breathtaking. Remembering how very much I had longed the other day to see a shooting star...I leaned my head back against the seat and gazed at the big dipper out of Chris's sunroof....all of a sudden without warning or an introduction of any sorts...a star trickled across the dipper...bright at first and dimming as it flew. A SHOOTING STAR! I was so moved I didn't even realized I'd begun crying. God blesses me with the stars. He knows the little things that touch our souls.

Now the point to me driving home from this evening of nature appreciation, shooting stars and beautiful walks is that in my car was playing my new African worship CD with Israel & New Breed live. I believe it was track #9 that came on...a woman donning a powerfully sweet voice sang about Christ knowing us and then following her chorus came the innocent voice of a small child proclaiming, "He knows my name...He knows my every thought...He sees each tear that falls...and hears me when I call..."

I pressed repeat and listened again, realizing this time that I truly am Christ's child. I wondered if when I sing to my King if He hears me as I heard that small child. I wonder if His heart is moved by our child like innocence and proclamation of His love. It's quite neat to think that we are like small children in the arms of Jesus, regardless of what our earthly age may be.

I love Jesus.
I love being Christ's child.
I love spring.
I love walking.
I love South Africa.
I love chai tea.
I love shooting stars.

Are you satisfied?

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most propable explanation is that I was made for another world."

This quote by C.S. Lewis gives me the chills. "...I was made for another world." I am absolutely convinced that my desires which can be fulfilled by no substance on this earth can only be fulfilled by the Almighty King, Jesus. He is all satisfying. "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

It's so easy to toss aside our real desires, our hearts deepest longings and be satisfied with the joy we find in Christ and the everyday things that make us smile, dance and find freedom. A sunset, a shooting star, the northern lights...all these things are beautiful and are perhaps some of the things that I consider to be Jesus's special kisses for me...sometimes it's in a swift breeze or a neverending forest of autumn trees...but in the stillness I know that He is there, that He created this earth to satisfy me...to bring me joy so that He might be glorified.

Lewis wrote in The Weight of Glory " ...We are half hearted creaturees, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

We in a sense, when we expect little of Christ and cause our hearts to believe that the small, insignificant things that bring us joy are as some would say " as good as it gets" basically saying " Alright, way to go Lord. Thank you for Your awesome blessings...I'm content in the joy You've brought me and I know You won't do more...but thanks, really, thanks." I think sometimes Christ longs for us to expect His glorious blessings - not in a sitting around, being lazy and expecting sort of way....but by pursuing Him with our entire beings...saying with our hearts "Lord, you are all satisfying and mighty. I don't deserve all you give me, but I know that you love me and I expect your joy, Lord, I will fight for your joy and rest in knowing that as I pursue you with my joy that you will be glorified." Sometimes we just allow ourselves to make mudpies of the joy God has given us when He's waiting to take us to the sea with Him. Oh that we would faint with longing to be in His presence, that 1 day in His courts would be far better than thousands elsewhere...

Friends be satisfied in Him today, joy in Christ so He may be glorified! :)

oh the wonderful Cross

Happy Resurrection Day everyone! May Jesus bless you this Easter. I know it's easy to get caught up in the eggs and bunny hunts that are everywhere...in the bellyaching "ate too much candy" sicknesses, the dinners, the get togethers...but take a moment please and remember the day that Love made history...the day our lives encountered a change that would bring eternity to all willing to choose Jesus.

I'm sitting here overwhelmed with the Love God has for me...He knows my name, my every thought and all of my tears are caught in the palm on His hand...my deepest longing is to be in His presence, to encounter Him from the time I wake up in the morning and to dream of Him as I rest. Across the room is the man I love, my dear cousins and one of the greatest aunts in the world. My day has been painted in laughter and rainy cold basketball. This morning I celebrated the reason I have life....the anniversary of healing in my home...2 short years ago God surrounded my heart as my parents announced their divorce....last year my father was away preparing to leave for Iraq...this year, my entire family is home...whole and home. God's love and blessings never cease!

Jesus is alive today...He is risen....He is risen indeed!!!!!!!
Rest in His grace today. Love y'all!

A long awaited homecoming...

Just thought I'd announce that my daddy will be HOME tomorrow...for good good good from Bahgdad, Iraq! (Oh...in case anyone was wonderin', he's the good looking dad in the middle of the photo above!) Praise the Lord. Please keep my family in your prayers about adjusting and reconnecting and that the Lord will do a mighty work in our family so that all will go according to His will!

HOORAY for the 152 Maintenance Co. being home! yeehoooooooooo!!!!!

"The Choice" @ PIWC & Hearing Prayers

Well tonight I ventured out with the Lavaway's (Chris & his parents)! We went to church and caught a show of The Choice. It was awesome! I saw some people I really love, sharing Christ with all who were watching, simply by singing and acting in a show that portrays Christ's love. :) It made my heart smile! There were so many great parts I can't quite choose my favorite. Elizabeth & Dave did amazing, P.Rick and Marsha cracked me up, Rachelle looked beautiful in green, Nicole had really shiny earrings on, P.Doug played a mean guy, Alex and Jason were soldiers at the tomb. I was just happy to be at church tonight, to feel the Holy Spirit's presence fall upon the congregation and move sweetly. I choose Jesus. I praise God for all those who chose Him tonight as well and all those who have and will be following and listening to that tug on their hearts during the shows.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My today...

God knows our every thought and need...
Today all of my stresses (i suppose one could call them that) surfaced and I had a realization...
Something was eating away at me and all I wanted more than anything was for God to give me someone to pour my heart out to...I needed to sort my thoughts.
I felt myself wishing that I was married and could drive home to my husband, fall into his comforting arms and just let everything go...but I'm not, yet anyways, because it's not time...so there I was, driving home...my head buzzing with a million useless tasks to do and places to be. I collapsed on my floor feeling like I could never close my eyes long enough to make it all go away. Music blared in my ears from downstairs and my brain yawned from its exhaustion. I called Chris, because I remembered I was supposed to...and then I drove to PI.
I love that God cares about the little things. Chris said one random thing to me at the house about how quiet I was being...and he opened the doorway to communication, opened his ears, his heart and his mind. He listened to me sort through my thoughts as the words spilled from my mouth and into his ears. He wrapped his arms around me when I started to cry saying he didn't care if I stained his nice blue dress shirt with my tears. He gave me arms to find comfort in and ears to hear my heart. He spoke of Jesus' love and how Jesus is in control and doens't want me worrying about things. It was encouraging, sweet and full of learning. God is good and I am thankful for the opportunity He provided for Chris and I to relate more heart to heart.

This remined me of something a dear friend once said to me about all the gifts we ever recieve, how they're actually not from those people giving them, but from God. He uses other people to comfort, encourage and love us through words, hugs, listening ears, gifts we don't deserve, and comforting arms. Although I was finding peace in the comforting words Chris spoke and warmth in his arms, it was really God's way of wrapping His arms around me and saying He loves me, He cares for me, He heard my hearts longing prayer on the dreadful car ride home earlier in the day and He provided! (Jehovah shalom. )

when WAS the last time???

"If God were small enough for our minds, He wouldn't be big enough for our needs." - unidentified author

It took me by surprise...the sweetness of the wind blowing softly against my face. My body was consumed in the sun's warmth and my ears kissed with the sound of a strumming guitar. Closing my eyes, I just listened. For once...I put all the worries, thoughts, tasks and expectations on pause and just sat...basking in the sun....listening to the words of "Here I Am" by Shawn McDonald.

I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside, God
Come and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch,
of Your life,
of Your love
I need YouI need You

I wondered to myself, as I wept, overcome with the Holy Spirit in my car during lunch break...when was the last time I just STOPPED and listened to You Lord? It must've been about a week ago...and oh how I have missed it. I felt like a new person....free of tasks, expectations, projects, school work, and pleasing others.

Time...regardless of all the stuff-stuff we try to fill it with...is best spent and most fulfilling when it's with Jesus. He is peaceful and loving, comforting and merciful. He silences all our thoughts when we turn to Him, close our eyes and just listen. He's so big out minds can't even begin to comprehend His glory and greatness. Turning off all stray and worrisome thoughts sometimes makes me feel like my mind is resting in the reality of not knowing . He's bigger than all of our needs.

I came across this quote today:
"Anything GOOD - GOD = 0." - unidentified author

Be blessed in His goodness today! Close your yes and just listen!

The Spirit of Religion

Praise the Lord for His overflowing goodness! The spirit of religion was broken over our church this weekend and I praise Him for that! :)
I love that P. Rick preaches directly from scripture, which oftentimes, causes a doubting mind to sweat knowing wholeheartedly that there's no way to read between the lines, or kind've hop over the mountain of truth being poured out before it. Our pride gets so easily in the way sometimes that we forget and sometimes ever refuse to listen to God and even more so, to actually hear Him. We brush aside the fact that He knows all. We accuse and deny His truth even when we are directly convicted. We decide within ourselves that " No God, you can't be right." It's sad to think of all those who know about Jesus, but don't really know Him.

It tears my heart knowing that, as in Hosea 5:15 " I will go away and return to My place until they acknowledge their guilt and seek My face; In their affliction they will earnestly seek Me. " When we refuse Jesus enough and close out the Holy Spirit's roaring...He steps back.

What a scary place to be.

One can't know this because they no longer feel the pounding. Why? He's stepped back....He's waiting for them to come back to Him, to pursue Him. He's pursued, pursued and pursued and finally when we've stepped away enough...He steps away too.

I am grateful beyond words & blessed to tears for the message this weekend--the incredible worship service--the amazing worshipteam experience--the baptisms--those who answered the call. May we all pursue Christ headlong-with total abandonment-absolutely-without rest. Be blessed!

Extrodinarily out of the Ordinary

(Yesterday was a strange day, but in a neat, not so ordinary kinda way.) Here's why:

1) I saw first hand the pull of politics in the academic world at CHS
2) I saw a 7ft. tall black man (from the Harlem Rockets)
3) I tried Chai tea for the 1st time (it even had cinnamon)
4) It snowed a wet kinda snow & it's april
5) For the 1st time I lost all confidence in my abilities to evaluate an academic debate
6) Felt completely confident about my knowlege for the Physics test

All in all...enjoyable...extra-ordinary!

His promises

"God is not a man, that he should lie.
He is not a human, that he should change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
Has he ever promised and not carried it through?"
-Numbers 23:19 NLT

Growing Up

I remember well looking forward to saturday mornings because Mom and Dad allowed us to wake up early and eat our bowl of fruitloops or other choice cereal while watching the morning cartoons.
I remember well the days of light up shoes and hours of barbie doll town buildings.
I remember not having to write all the things I was 'supposed to be doing' down so I wouldn't "forget" to do them.

Those days were free of Senior Exits, Softball Practices, NHS planning meetings, Gas prices, Accidents, Being in love, Anticipation of a father coming home. When I was little I played Christian Rangers and played school with my siblings/cousins. Iplayed endless hours of tag, hosted tea parties in the garage or porch....drove the little red wagon or chauffeured the crazycoup....I loved my dog....dad always came home by 4:30pm.

Now...I have a debate on Monday for my Honors English Class worth 50% of my 3rd quarter english grade. GRADE!!! 3rd quarter also determines class rank and I am currently just shy of being where I need to and want to be....I am 13/121...wonderful, eh? I suppose so, but I'm not overly pleased.........gah! Softball ate up my morning, joyfully of course, I splashed around in the big puddles and got pretty muddy...I have to plan and organize for our up and coming regional convention at the end of the month...gas is going for a ridiculous amount of 2.74 per gallon, but thanks to my studious efforts I am a viking card recipient and saved a whopping 14 cents this morning...nearly 2 cents per gallon. My car was being painted and fixed all week because it's a target and every couple of months or so...someone's eyes disregard it's neonness and bright color and kahbam, they hit it with their cars and their insurance company gets to shell out a hefty price for the rare paint. I have my car back now...I love my zibby-mobile...or "the jellybean" as taylor and cale dubbed it last summer.

Sorry for the rantings...all of this has made me realize one thing...without God I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I don't think I'd really want to if I even thought I could try to. He's my strength, guidance and provider. " God doesn't ask about our abilities or inabilities-- he asks about our availability."

I need to make myself available to Him -
Be blessed friends!

The final leg...anticipating a season

Ohh...it's hear...can you smell it?
Spring time! Which means manyt hings..but for highschool athletes just one...
Spring Sport Season...
For seniors...the final leg til' graduation...
For the team...SOFTBALL TIME!!!

I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
Softball is here and I'm excited, because until yesterday evening around 5:00ish, I was excited, but my whole body wasn't too excited.
My feet are craving, the muddy dirt and my ears the snapping of leather gloves or the repellation of an aluminum bat.

Softball will take us to the end of the year.
Softball season finishs May 29th for season games...
Prom is June 3rd..
sports awards June 5th...
Senior week/finals/marching begin ^ (5th)
Graduation...June 11th, 2006 @ 1:30pm at Caribou High School

Laughter, triumph, memories galore...will all pour into these next 1-2 months...closing a chapter of the highschool adventure...the last and final chapter of highschool.
I'm excited though...because as a wise friend once told me...she once read that the greatest joys and trimphs of this life are only the table of contents and cover page of our book of life...the real story and adventure begins when we get to Heaven to spend eternity with the love of our life, Jesus Christ...and it's a book with endless pages and chapters...it's quite silly to thing that this is nothing...each significant day or moment....nothing compared to how it'll be in eternity! Oooooh I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Jesus! :) T'will be a glorious day!

Below are a few photos of last year...softball season...courtesy of one of my fav. teachers ever Mr. Martin (math). He's awesome!

(ponderings...)

Exactly where I needed to be

Went on a date with Jesus this evening. We walked, talked, and even laughed... the sun shined upon my face, warming the deepest chambers of my heart. Yes, I smiled as I walked and talked with my Jesus ---the passer byers must have been clueless of my joy. I felt like skipping, my feet found the rhythm...wanted to dance, to sing, to chant of his grace, his love and his sacrifice for me.

We read a book together today as well...called The Martyr Song by Ted Dekker. The book spoke of "birds circling" and I chuckled as I approached a corner church and birds, tons of birds, circled and danced in the sky, the sun reflecting windly from their wings. I love that God has a sense of humor and that he desires to spend time with me. He always knows exactly what I need...where I need to be...and what needs to happen. Sometimes letting him is a bit tough, but when I do, I find it most pleasing-- He always knows what's right.

I listened to this song as I walked along with a few others...but this one left abeaming smile on my face...everything, the only things that satisfy, come from Him.

"With rain, with sun
With much, with less
With joy, with pain
With life, with death
The only things that satisfy come from You
They come from You
Everything that's beautiful
Everything that's wonderful
Every perfect gift comes from You
Your grace,
Your heart Your voice,
Your touch Your word,
Your peace Your hope,
Your love
A thousand words could not explain
A thousand worlds could not contain
Every perfect gift comes from You
It comes from the Father of Lights
It comes from the Giver of Life
It comes from the Heavens above
It's coming straight from Your heart
To the people You love"
-Chris Tomlin "everything" from NOT TO US

Romanced to tears

I realize that I've posted this song before...I wrote it on Christmas day of 2005, but this morning I came across it's words in a scholarship I've been working on and I read it, tucked it away and had to go back and sing it. I sang it and was moved to tears. Jesus loves me and wants my time. This may or may not speak to you today, but be blessed dear friends!

"Just close your eyes and smile, it might be awhile...
Patience my love, could I have one more hug?
Place your eyes upon me, fall before my glory.
Could I hear your sweet voice pouring out my love to them?
Take hold of my hands, climb up in my lap, let me be your man!
Dearest, my beloved, you are my friend.
Daughter, you are more then I can stand.
You're so beautiful; I'll take you to your man.

Growing up before my eyes, waiting till you seek the prize,
Of my eternal gift of life, of love, of silence in a crowd.
Sing a song for me precious one.
Oh the journey's just begun.
Hold on tight...watch me fight...I'm taking care of you!"
-Christy L. Zbylut

not-impossible

"God has a history of using the insignificant to accomplish the impossible."
- GOD'S LITTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK for Women

Trusting

"Let the godly sing with joy to the Lord, for it is fitting to praise him.
Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre;
make music for him on the ten-stringed harp.
Sing new songs of praise to him;
play skillfully on the harp and sing with joy.
For the word of the Lord holds true,
and everything he does is worthy of our trust.
He loves whatever is just and good,
and his unfailing love fills the earth. "
-Psalm 33:1-5 NLT

It's so hard to trust sometimes...gah.
Freedom, Freedom, Freedom.
Patience, Patience, Patience.
I need Jesus more than anything.
He is enough.

I just need a little P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E!
How can I?
T-R-U-S-T-I-N-G the One who has never failed me.

the Call

Visitation night was not at all what I had expected.
I'm not quite sure how to describe it.
I was clueless why God wanted me there tonight.
I left feeling more blessed than I felt worthy of being.
Tonight was not for my glory.
Tonight was about Jesus...about His love...His grace...His invitation for life!

Chris was my partner and we visited 2 rooms.
We met a woman named Eva who recommitted her life to Christ tonight!
Praise the Lord!
Prayer time and fellowship was incredible.

Ministry needs to happen each day.
Ministry can not be something that happens 4-5 years from now when I graduate from Bible college.
Ministry is now.
I feel so blessed that God is giving me opportunities to minister now and to do His work.
I couldn't ask for more.
Jesus is enough.
He's all I need.
I'm done with casual Christianity....of sitting at home with my fuzzy slippers on, reading my Bible because my ticket to Heaven has already been punched...I want to go around for the ticket checks that come after mine...to help convince people and show them through love and God's truth that it really is worth getting their ticket bound for eternity punched.
May my every word exalt His name.
May He use me according to His will, regardless of my comfortability with the situation.
May my comfort zone be shattered and refuge sought only in Him.
May my world be turned upside down, shaken and spun around until I'm weak with dizziness and looking up, the only thing that makes any recognizable sense is Him.
I'm crazy about Jesus.
Let my life proclaim this as truth..
My actions as living proof...
My words as loving examples...
Abandoning all I knew before...seeking what's just beyond the door.


I hate it when the enemy torments my mind...today I found peace in this Psalm:

"1 I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
who made the heavens and the earth!

3 He will not let you stumble and fall;
the one who watches over you will not sleep." -Psalm 121 :1-3

He is good, so good and His love endures forever!

When we listen...He moves

Thinking about how much I love Jesus...I can't begin to express in words how I'm feeling. Then again I've come to realize that it's more than a feeling. We get feelings about all sorts of things...but this love..this love for Jesus...I don't know, it's like a compulsion, a burning fiery passion that refuses to be squalshed. I can't imagine waking up each morning and walking through the day without Jesus by my side...truth be told..I just couldn't do it! Not at all. I'm lost without Him.

The Holy Spirit is more real than ever. I celebrate the work Christ is doing in the lives of those I love, the community and even my life.

Friends, people are hungry for Jesus. They're craving that substance, that living water that will fill their empty heart's belly for eternity. They've tried to fill that void with many many many things..but none have worked...they've all wilted or rotted away and been left helpless and empty again. My heart breaks to know that there are empty hearts out there, walking around, searching and no one's out there after them, to take their hand and bring them to the place where they can be filled. To show them what a Christian is really like.

This weekend has been incredible. Opportunity is knocking at the door. Will you answer it?
I saw people anxious to know more about church...
I heard a testimony of a life changed around 180degrees & a desire to seek out fellow Christians...
I saw people kneel before Christ and recommit their lives...
I saw new lifes for Christ birthed!!!!
PRAISE YOU JESUS!

The Lord is moving.
Reival is coming.
Tis' so sweet to trust in Jesus.

He is an allsufficient Savior.
His grace is enough.
He is an Almighty God.
He is love.
He is peace.
He is eternal.
His love is unending.
The grave COULDN'T hold Him!

and....He loves us -- so much.
Be blessed in Jesus today!

Breathtaking...

It rained all day on Sunday...
I had every intention of "going on a walk" or "tossing around a softball".
Compromises were made and lessons planned instead.
Laughter and talk filled a stuffy room with anxious minds wandering to and from the window, wishing the rain would stop.

The perfect sky came after the rain cleared and the grey, moisture dampened clouds vanished.
This was the sky just prior to my walk with "my mr. darcy".
Tis' splendid, eh?

(just because...)

(This one ^ is my favorite...it stirred a familiar feeling of *awe* in my soul.)

(2nd favorite...glorious!)
(perfectly sweet..elegant and soft)

*Be blessed in the LORD today friends & may you never be too busy to stop and appreciate God's beautiful gifts to you in the sky!*

"Shaving Tales"

Pepper our cat... has crazy fur that never ceases to grow....as it elongates too much it gets clumpy and tangled...so off she heads to the vet. She's now the Lion Pepper...with only fur on her head and paws. She really looks like a lion!!!

Don't you love to open your Bible and watch words leap off the pages?

"1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty.
2 I long, yes, I faint with longing
to enter the courts of the LORD.
With my whole being, body and soul,
I will shout joyfully to the living God."

"10 A single day in your courts
is better than a thousand anywhere else!
I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God
than live the good life in the homes of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is our light and protector.
He gives us grace and glory.
No good thing will the LORD withhold
from those who do what is right.
12 O LORD Almighty,
happy are those who trust in you."

-Psalm 84:1-2; 10-12

Opened my Bible this morning to the great treasure of God's word. He spoke truth to my soul again...I long for Him, I faint with longing. I am so in love with Jesus, it's indescribable. Small groups were amazing tonight. I am so blessed by God with my 8th grade girls. I feel a freedom when we meet, though 1/2 of them are meek and shy like Rebekah, Emily & Kara, but when they speak all I can think is " Praise you Lord!" Then of course there is the loud part of our group, Adaisy, whom I adore, because her personality spurs others to speak. She's an intelligent young lady. Then we have Liana, who reminds me a tremendous amount of myself, in her love for Christ in her heart and her willingness to share. It seems that we have similar hearts for Christ,which is very neat. I'm thankful the Lord has given me a chance to see how I was, in part, at that age. The Lord is good! I praise Him for our time of learning about "Love & Fellowship" tonight. I prepared and delivered my 1st small group lesson ever. Yeeh for Ministry!

To learn more and more about Christ and who He really is, as well as the measureless depth of His love for me each day... is divine!

His Goodness, Glory & Unfailing Love

It's been such a long time since I was able to soak up nature's beauty and capture it on film. I've really missed it. Toting my camera around this week has added an interesting dynamic to my fasting festivities and has at times taken my breath away. God literally stops me dead in my tracks and says "Christy, look what I made for you. Oh, I love how you smile, do you love it? I made this for you!" How sweet to serve a living God who loves us enough to greet us in the mornings with a sweet surise, to kiss us goodnight beneath a blanket of diamond stars, to warm our faces with gleaming sunrays casting through the clever clouds.

I feel as though this week has been an opportunity for me to find an appreciation for nature I was beginning to lose, by not stopping, by being too busy and caught up in me, to appreciate what my soul purpose on this earth is to begin with---to be relational with Jesus and to be romanced by Him - to allow Him to work through me and not "do as I please".

This song was sent to me by a dear friend and has brought joy to my heart...He waits for us...He may be showing me beauty on this earth, but He can't wait to show me the colors I've never seen, to watch me tremble at His feet, to embrace me, to DANCE with me in a field. I can't wait for the day that I can dance with my Jesus in a field full of His gloriously created colors. Eternity is worth it!

"I've been waiting to dance with you in fields full of colors you've never seen. I've been waiting to show you beauty you've never dreamed that's always been in you. And I've been waiting, to see you tremble as you're embraced by a world saturated with my love. I've been waiting for the day when atlast I get to see my child, you are finally home!" -Todd Agnew's "The Martyr Song"

Well my fast officially ends on Monday, however, I must say, the discoveries and victories and realizations of this time are unreal. Though I haven't been completely foodless, I quickly learned that it's not about not eating, it's about pursuing God every morning, making everything else planned around Him. He wants my mornings, my afternoons, my evenings, and the times in between. He wants to give me a hymn of praise and to sing it right then and there, to feel His love and to show my love for Him. He wants to romance me with sunsets and suncovering clouds. He wants me. It's truly that simple. He holds the key to my life. My heart is confident in Him. This could perhaps be considered one of the strangest fasts ever..and I know it's the greatest and strangest one I've ever experienced. As I continue to pursue these final days, I am thinking of those I love, those who've faithfully prayed for me, thought of me and experienced closeness with the father this week as I have. My heart longs for you to encounter the living Creator with such a need that you fall helplessly into His arms and allow Him to work, to privide strength. Let go and Let God guys....there truly is no better way.

Day 3

* Okay, I must confess I ate some chocolate(cadbury eggs), but girl time is approaching and well, my body was going nuts. (however, i won't make excuses.)*
I'm excited to see what God does over the next 11 days. " I feel good, nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah..."

I have a fasting journal that I've been keeping and although I can't possibly type all I've been writing, I felt like sharing a song I sing in Chorus and that took on new meaning to me during my quiet afternoon time today.

I BELIEVE MY HEART from THE WOMAN IN WHITE
by: Andrew Lloyd Webber
Lyrics by: David Zippel

"Whenever I see your face, the world disappears.
All in a single glance so, revealing..
You smile and I feel as though,
I've known you for years
How do I know to trust what I'm feeling?

I believe my heart. What else can I do?
When every part of every thought leads me straight to you.
I believe my heart, There's no other choice,
for now whenever my heart speaks, I can only hear, your voice.

The lifetime before we met, has faded away.
How did I live a moment, without you?
You don't have to speak at all.
I know what you'd say and I know every secret, about you.

I believe my heart.
It believes in you.
It's telling me that what I see, is completely true.
Ahhh I believe my heart, it's not wong.
It says that what I feel for you, I will feel my whole life long.

I believe my heart.
It believes in you. It's telling me that what I see, is completely true.
And with all my soul, I believe my heart.
The portrait that it paints of you,
is a perfect work......of art. "

*Went on a prayer walk this evening. I felt full of this strange strength. My mind is telling me I should be weak...but I felt ALIVE ALIVE ALIVE. The sunset was breathtaking...
Prayer Request: what God will have me doing with my summer & that he'll provide accordingly