I neglected to post this on New Year's...but now that I'm thinking about it, I find it worthy of reflection and posting. These are some thoughts I recorded in my journal on the last night of 2008.
As this year comes to a close, it's always nice to reflect a bit - on life, lessons, changes, and seasons of life. 2008 has been a very healing, strengthening & stretching year for me. I've been weathering many weary, tedious storms in friendships, relationships, health, and future decisions. I've laughed until I've fallen on the floor and can't breath - I've cried from the core of my heart - wept for broken people around me - joyed and delighted in the body of Christ. The churchbecame an unwelcoming, unbearable stranger to me this year - but my hunger for adventure and spontaneity grew deep. I came of "age' - have officially been a license driver for 5 years, and held orphans in Jamaica. I read a man (Chalds James) the bible because he couldn't sit up to do it himself and heard the sweetest tune of praise come as he sang me a few hymns.
I walked the entire length of Cavendish beach (something Prez deemed slightly invigorating) and watched shooting stars with someone who I held a instant connection with at Riverside Camp. I ate guacamole and swam in a hot tub after midnight. I rode in a limousine and fellowshipped with several 80 yr. old missionaries. I jumped in a freezing cold water & ate wild blueberries on a hiking trail. People around me anchored down their lives with serious commitments to marriage, engagement, and children - I let go of any and all control over that aspect of my life. I kayaked the Aroostook River with my Mom and ate PB sandwiches on the shore - rode the reversing falls in St. John, New Brunswick - seeing live seals for the first time evr. I lost and I gained - friendships sparked and grew while others fizzled out. I swam in the ocean, canoed by myself in a lake - watched a thunderstorm from a kayak - learned an incredible amount about my grandmother's life - explored waterfalls - from the forests of NY and NB all the way to the great and mesmerizing Niagra Falls.
I sought to love without an agenda - wrote many songs and discovered a love for free-style worship with just piano or guitar noodling and a heart singing out its heart cries. I climbed the Bluffs in the dark - climbed way too many trees - dressed as a ninja - and discovered two of my favorite spots: Prez's field and Bridgeo (playing my heart out with unskilled fingers in a dimly lit piano room). I lead worship for the first time ever in chapel and testified of God's healing and restoration all over! I even drove down the BBC path! (many times)
It's been a good year with prayer times down by the riverside and in my special chapel window. I puddle jumped a lot - and laughed without fear of what is to come - being in the moment - only now I need a truly sold reminder of laughing without fear of the future. Leadership positions stretched me - I was forced to love and hold strong against the ruthless attacks of people seeking to absolve their jealousy and hatred toward me regarding past relationships. God has been gracious to me by placing many loving, encouraging and intelligent people in my life. I caught sunrises over mountain tops, and ran down four-wheeling trails early in the morning!
As the year winds down - my hope for the coming season - 2009, is that I will faithfully hold true to who Christ has fashioned me to be - that I will laugh without fear of the future and continue living in obedience wherever that may and will ultimately lead me. The next year holds much - I know this for sure - what exactly? I know not yet - but Christ is my life - my leader - my all- I will live my life for the sake of the call - abandoning everything to cast my nets down - to follow Christ. Lord teach me what ths means - to abide in Thee. *My life for the Gospel"
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