Thinking is such a profound process.
It cleanses the mind.
It clouds the mind.
It complicates the mind.
It challenges the mind.
It creates within the mind.
It stretches the mind.
Ultimately, it exposes the thinker - oftentimes to themself.
It causes examination of both the inside and outside.
Thinking is kind've like...looking in a giant mirror.
You are offered a chance to observe, to examine.
The spots, the blemishes, the image reflected,
are all presented before the thinking mind.
Character, goals, mindsets, mantras, lifestyle,ambitions-
all sit before the thinker waiting to be explored.
Thinking changes things:
from seeing to understanding,
from understanding to knowing,
from knowing to being,
from being to resting,
from resting to adventuring...and on the journey goes.
I've been thinking a lot lately - about life, love, people, and purpose.
Thinking can be restless.
It can be consuming and absolutely torturous.
Thinking can be a battle, a war zone within the boundaries of one's mind,
and at the same time, thinking can be sweet, healing, and restorative.
It can be bizarre, elating, enjoyable, and refreshing.
Thinking can be humorous, imaginative, freeing, yet strange.
It can be rewarding, revealing, reflective, and constructive.
Thinking can erupt into sweet belly-aching laughter
or be flooded with tears of anguish, joy, repentance, or acceptance.
Thankfully, thinking isn't the whole picture...it calls for further action.
One may express their thinking, articulate their thinking, or even change their thinking...
In the end I believe this process of thinking offers us the chance to submit ourselves to the Potter; as weak, unfinished, and sometimes difficult clay, to be molded and sculpted according to His purpose and plan for our lives. One must not become lost in their thoughts, but must rather embrace the process of thinking as a chance to explore, change, and become.
Here's to a season of thinking...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
burning away the chaff
I burned two years of my life today...
Last night I came across two notebooks packed with journaled thoughts from my senior year in highschool onward through my first semester at college. During this time I became completely enraptured in the idea of being loved and allowed myself to settle for what others deemed to be my life sentence or "blessing" as they put it. This lot in life framed most of my thoughts. If 'he' called it was a good day. If 'he' didn't call it was an okay day and my journal usually expressed some confidence in God's grace and leaning on his strength because this guy wasn't showing me much affection. What really made my insides turn was when I realized how clearly I had aligned my relationship with a man to that of my relationship with God. Now you may think - well that couldn't be all that bad, eh? aren't we supposed to carry ourselves in such a way that all our relationships reflect and come from the overflow of our relationships with Christ? Well yes, but...
Unfortunately, I had this backwards. I let my relationship with Christ flow from the remnants of my relationship with a man I was dating - after about a year and a half I started to disappear...more into my twisted theology of who Christ was and how He worked...what His voice sounded like - even though I probably only listened or assumed when it was saying something along the lines of what I was looking to hear.
My heart was disgusted with myself and my naivety. How could I so devote myself to the service and partnership of another that I somehow neglected my greatest Love? How sad it must have made the heart of Christ for me to be running aimlessly in a direction that was surely not going to work out. The warning signs were up - the red flags had been tossed - my journals noted such things - but I refused to listen. Somehow in my silly little world everything made sense. I wanted to be a wife - I wanted to be loved - so I put on a pair of glasses with gargantuen blinders that only allowed me to see that which was pointing toward those two goals as end results. Nothing was wrong as far as I knew - nothing at all. Minus of course an outside, reflective observation of my consuming attempts to mold Christ into a fitting mold for my purposes. HOW BACKWARDS! Should not I be the one being molded and fitted for His purposes? I selfishly ripped control of my life out of the hands of the King and somehow expected Him to abide by and provide for my ways. WOW! It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.
As I sifted through these writings my heart grew weary. "I'm sorry Lord. So sorry...how could I ever have...why did you save me from this...why didn't I listen sooner?" I felt a nudging inside of me: "Burn it! Cut the ties." So I slapped a big blue post-it note on two of my journals: "BURN ME" it said. I grabbed hold of my third spiral notebook...wondering how this one would fair. I began to turn the pages. Filled with question - frustration - reasoning - confusion - and the beginnings of awareness. I was starting to recognize - starting to see - starting to listen - starting to question. The process of surrender was laid out clearly in these pages. Yes it wavered between my selfish desire to make it work...but here I sit nearly two years later...cutting those final ties of fearing relationship. I cannot imagine ever becoming so consumed and caught up in it that I'd neglect my greatest Love - the one who knows me most and loves me best. I've been afraid for a long time of slipping back into that place - that 'cloud 9' place where life i hunkey-dorey as long as someone smiles and calls once in awhile - who cares that there is no real foundation for the relationship and that it's no fun to be around that person - when life with them is grand - life with God must be grand, right?WRONG!
Our relationship with Christ is to come first. Anything less than everything isn't good enough. We owe our whole selves to Christ for His purposes and plans. All our devotion, affection, time, worship, praise, and adoration should be focused and given to Him alone. No other lovers can compare. We should not depend on the status of a human relationship to depict the deepness or status of our relationship with Christ. 'In Christ alone...my hope is found...he is my light, my strength, my song-"
*So this morning I dug a makeshift firepit in the backyard. Clad in my pjs and with my sister in tow to support me- I brought that stack of selfishness - two years of journaling where my focus, my delight was a man - and Christ was the supplementary or bonus blessing...to the fire. With box of matches in hand, I crumpled them into balls. As I watched the pages burn away - turning into ashes of the past...covering them with the pure, white, cool snow of winter - the sun shone on my face and I knew this is a glorious day!
Father forgive me for those years of selfisness and naivety. Thank you for freeing me from that situation and for bringing greater healing to my heart as I grow nearer to You! The words of Misty Edwards speak clearly my hearts cry:
"I won't relent until you have it all - my heart is Yours..."
Last night I came across two notebooks packed with journaled thoughts from my senior year in highschool onward through my first semester at college. During this time I became completely enraptured in the idea of being loved and allowed myself to settle for what others deemed to be my life sentence or "blessing" as they put it. This lot in life framed most of my thoughts. If 'he' called it was a good day. If 'he' didn't call it was an okay day and my journal usually expressed some confidence in God's grace and leaning on his strength because this guy wasn't showing me much affection. What really made my insides turn was when I realized how clearly I had aligned my relationship with a man to that of my relationship with God. Now you may think - well that couldn't be all that bad, eh? aren't we supposed to carry ourselves in such a way that all our relationships reflect and come from the overflow of our relationships with Christ? Well yes, but...
Unfortunately, I had this backwards. I let my relationship with Christ flow from the remnants of my relationship with a man I was dating - after about a year and a half I started to disappear...more into my twisted theology of who Christ was and how He worked...what His voice sounded like - even though I probably only listened or assumed when it was saying something along the lines of what I was looking to hear.
My heart was disgusted with myself and my naivety. How could I so devote myself to the service and partnership of another that I somehow neglected my greatest Love? How sad it must have made the heart of Christ for me to be running aimlessly in a direction that was surely not going to work out. The warning signs were up - the red flags had been tossed - my journals noted such things - but I refused to listen. Somehow in my silly little world everything made sense. I wanted to be a wife - I wanted to be loved - so I put on a pair of glasses with gargantuen blinders that only allowed me to see that which was pointing toward those two goals as end results. Nothing was wrong as far as I knew - nothing at all. Minus of course an outside, reflective observation of my consuming attempts to mold Christ into a fitting mold for my purposes. HOW BACKWARDS! Should not I be the one being molded and fitted for His purposes? I selfishly ripped control of my life out of the hands of the King and somehow expected Him to abide by and provide for my ways. WOW! It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.
As I sifted through these writings my heart grew weary. "I'm sorry Lord. So sorry...how could I ever have...why did you save me from this...why didn't I listen sooner?" I felt a nudging inside of me: "Burn it! Cut the ties." So I slapped a big blue post-it note on two of my journals: "BURN ME" it said. I grabbed hold of my third spiral notebook...wondering how this one would fair. I began to turn the pages. Filled with question - frustration - reasoning - confusion - and the beginnings of awareness. I was starting to recognize - starting to see - starting to listen - starting to question. The process of surrender was laid out clearly in these pages. Yes it wavered between my selfish desire to make it work...but here I sit nearly two years later...cutting those final ties of fearing relationship. I cannot imagine ever becoming so consumed and caught up in it that I'd neglect my greatest Love - the one who knows me most and loves me best. I've been afraid for a long time of slipping back into that place - that 'cloud 9' place where life i hunkey-dorey as long as someone smiles and calls once in awhile - who cares that there is no real foundation for the relationship and that it's no fun to be around that person - when life with them is grand - life with God must be grand, right?WRONG!
Our relationship with Christ is to come first. Anything less than everything isn't good enough. We owe our whole selves to Christ for His purposes and plans. All our devotion, affection, time, worship, praise, and adoration should be focused and given to Him alone. No other lovers can compare. We should not depend on the status of a human relationship to depict the deepness or status of our relationship with Christ. 'In Christ alone...my hope is found...he is my light, my strength, my song-"
*So this morning I dug a makeshift firepit in the backyard. Clad in my pjs and with my sister in tow to support me- I brought that stack of selfishness - two years of journaling where my focus, my delight was a man - and Christ was the supplementary or bonus blessing...to the fire. With box of matches in hand, I crumpled them into balls. As I watched the pages burn away - turning into ashes of the past...covering them with the pure, white, cool snow of winter - the sun shone on my face and I knew this is a glorious day!
Father forgive me for those years of selfisness and naivety. Thank you for freeing me from that situation and for bringing greater healing to my heart as I grow nearer to You! The words of Misty Edwards speak clearly my hearts cry:
"I won't relent until you have it all - my heart is Yours..."
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
braced for colder winds
Does it ever feel like everything around you is somehow synchronizing and working efficiently together - happily, joyously- and someone forgot to slip you a post-it note so you know to join in?
Over the last month I've watched people pledge their undying love to one another and make plans to get married - promise rings have been purchased - life plans are made - people have new jobs - new friends - new lives - this weekend people are getting married - people are pregnant - all this change and strangeness, yet somehow I feel left out of the swirling, twirling and shifting all round' about me. Somehow I feel as though this is all some random sequence of silliness in some separate, secondary reality to what really is. After all, I feel so very much not a part of it...could it be reality?
A lot of shifting is beginning to take place in my life...
and selfishly I want answers...I want clarity...I want direction.
I just want life to make sense!
I just want to know and understand...but yet here I rest,
uncertain, without answer, directionless with a seemingly broken compass and no motivation to pull out the map.
My body grows weary in waiting, but I know the strength of my heart remains (for it is Him - He fails not - nothing can change that).
I guess I just want to understand what I am supposed to do with my life.
What does He have planned for me?
Where am I supposed to be this summer?
Everyone around me is falling in love, heading out into the real world, having babies, starting families. They all seem so secure, so blessed, so certain.
I feel alone.
I'm growing a little weary.
I have been tempted to wonder, "Am I failing in my womanhood?"
By not having these things the world deems appropriate and necessary to compliment/accentuate/and define the very essence of a woman - have I missed it?
What shall I do?
Lord help....be Thou my Vision.
Over the last month I've watched people pledge their undying love to one another and make plans to get married - promise rings have been purchased - life plans are made - people have new jobs - new friends - new lives - this weekend people are getting married - people are pregnant - all this change and strangeness, yet somehow I feel left out of the swirling, twirling and shifting all round' about me. Somehow I feel as though this is all some random sequence of silliness in some separate, secondary reality to what really is. After all, I feel so very much not a part of it...could it be reality?
A lot of shifting is beginning to take place in my life...
and selfishly I want answers...I want clarity...I want direction.
I just want life to make sense!
I just want to know and understand...but yet here I rest,
uncertain, without answer, directionless with a seemingly broken compass and no motivation to pull out the map.
My body grows weary in waiting, but I know the strength of my heart remains (for it is Him - He fails not - nothing can change that).
I guess I just want to understand what I am supposed to do with my life.
What does He have planned for me?
Where am I supposed to be this summer?
Everyone around me is falling in love, heading out into the real world, having babies, starting families. They all seem so secure, so blessed, so certain.
I feel alone.
I'm growing a little weary.
I have been tempted to wonder, "Am I failing in my womanhood?"
By not having these things the world deems appropriate and necessary to compliment/accentuate/and define the very essence of a woman - have I missed it?
What shall I do?
Lord help....be Thou my Vision.
Monday, December 08, 2008
inspiration
What inspires you?
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?
So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from it sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.
I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.
"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?
So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from it sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.
I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.
"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"
Thursday, November 20, 2008
first snowfall of the season
Last night I returned to my apartment after supper and didn't emerge outside until a few hours later for d-group. It had snowed a small amount and continued to - as beautiful flakes fluttered and swirled through the sky onto the chilly ground.
My roommate and I had a giant snow fight last night with the RAs and a few fun brothers in Christ. We laughed lots and got soaked.
This morning I woke up to the glimmering, glorious sunshine with this view out my window and on my walk to chapel, I snapped these pictures to remember the occasion.
My roommate and I had a giant snow fight last night with the RAs and a few fun brothers in Christ. We laughed lots and got soaked.
This morning I woke up to the glimmering, glorious sunshine with this view out my window and on my walk to chapel, I snapped these pictures to remember the occasion.
Friday, November 14, 2008
encounter weekend - bethany live style
As hundreds of teens flooded our campus for a youth rally weekend - we shared with them a time of comedy and laughter in our famous Bethany Live show.
To close the night was a special visit from: Earl, Edna, Junie-Mae, Alfred, Ernest & Elizabeth in skit known affectionately as the "Old Lady Skit".
To close the night was a special visit from: Earl, Edna, Junie-Mae, Alfred, Ernest & Elizabeth in skit known affectionately as the "Old Lady Skit".
21st birthday celebrations!
My roomate made my day extra special yesterday. She set up an 80's dance party with the girls in our apartment complete with sweet lights and some good dancin' tunes. After this we hung out with some of our brothers on campus playing games and laughing lots...even a little dancing too! :) I felt blessed and loved on my birthday! 21 years of life have come and gone so quickly...bless the Lord for life and breath - for love, fellowship, joy, and provision.
DISCLAIMER: Katrina did my makeup and hair. :)
DISCLAIMER: Katrina did my makeup and hair. :)
Sunday, November 02, 2008
reality
r e a l i t y .
What is it?
What if what I view to be reality were not in fact reality at all?
Ever grow tired of wondering?
Ever long so deeply to know?
Some justify serving/knowing Christ as worth it because if we were to live our whole lives with the hope in mind that eventually we'll spend eternity with him - and if by chance we were to get to the end and this were not true, we would never know, we've lost nothing - it wouldn't really matter. We would simply cease to exist.
However, if the promise of eternity with Christ is in fact true and we choose to live our lives apart from and separate of that promise - if we come to the end and this is true, we've lost everything.
Sometimes I feel like I live outside of "reality". The Bible talks about how "God has planted eternity in the human heart" in Ecclesiastes. I wonder all the time - question, think, process - but through it all, the one unfading thing that holds clear, true, and steady is Him. Even when I am uncertain of any other reality - I come to find my only true reality is Christ. He is everything.
Seasons change.
Children grow.
Relationships spark and fade or flourish.
Time keeps ticking.
Buildings rot, creek, and grow old.
Yet He remains...He transcends all.
What an A W E S O M E - R E A L - GOD we serve, eh?
What is it?
What if what I view to be reality were not in fact reality at all?
Ever grow tired of wondering?
Ever long so deeply to know?
Some justify serving/knowing Christ as worth it because if we were to live our whole lives with the hope in mind that eventually we'll spend eternity with him - and if by chance we were to get to the end and this were not true, we would never know, we've lost nothing - it wouldn't really matter. We would simply cease to exist.
However, if the promise of eternity with Christ is in fact true and we choose to live our lives apart from and separate of that promise - if we come to the end and this is true, we've lost everything.
Sometimes I feel like I live outside of "reality". The Bible talks about how "God has planted eternity in the human heart" in Ecclesiastes. I wonder all the time - question, think, process - but through it all, the one unfading thing that holds clear, true, and steady is Him. Even when I am uncertain of any other reality - I come to find my only true reality is Christ. He is everything.
Seasons change.
Children grow.
Relationships spark and fade or flourish.
Time keeps ticking.
Buildings rot, creek, and grow old.
Yet He remains...He transcends all.
What an A W E S O M E - R E A L - GOD we serve, eh?
Friday, October 31, 2008
breathing
It's been a go go go kind of month, but in spite of all my going...I sense a tug toward growing. Much is to come in the next season and I have no secure, specific direction to cling to. I cannot begin to explain what is going on in my heart and yet there are 5000 directions I should be considering running toward - yet somehow I'm stuck - stuck in this moment - immovable, and uncertain about what is next.
I have just a little more than 3 semesters left of college...
This summer I'll be heading out on internship...
My birthday is in 2 weeks...I'll be 21 (already).
Time is so precious.
What am I doing with it?
I've discovered a few things about myself over the last few months and how I choose to channel my time:
I find myself so helpless when I'm alone. I choose to invest myself in the lives of others.
I hate being alone. I crave just being around people.
I don't need to talk or interact...just to be.
I love laughing.
I love feeling alive.
I love dancing - breathing - smiling - writing - loving.
I love sunshine and warmth.
I cannot sit still - I like to change activities frequently if I am not fully engaged.
I love listening.
I love learning.
I love teaching - discussing - wondering - thinking - processing - dreaming.
I have just a little more than 3 semesters left of college...
This summer I'll be heading out on internship...
My birthday is in 2 weeks...I'll be 21 (already).
Time is so precious.
What am I doing with it?
I've discovered a few things about myself over the last few months and how I choose to channel my time:
I find myself so helpless when I'm alone. I choose to invest myself in the lives of others.
I hate being alone. I crave just being around people.
I don't need to talk or interact...just to be.
I love laughing.
I love feeling alive.
I love dancing - breathing - smiling - writing - loving.
I love sunshine and warmth.
I cannot sit still - I like to change activities frequently if I am not fully engaged.
I love listening.
I love learning.
I love teaching - discussing - wondering - thinking - processing - dreaming.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Soccer Season @ BBC
A glimpse of our soccer season in the BBC Intramural League!
I co-captained the red team. We took second in the league! I had the best team ever - their attitudes were remarkable and I love each and everyone of them!
Thank you Matt, Eli, Chris, Danny, Ben, Kristen, Deanna, Aisha, Vivienne, Greg, Eric, Andrew, and my amazing fellow captain "The Austrian" Christoph!
I co-captained the red team. We took second in the league! I had the best team ever - their attitudes were remarkable and I love each and everyone of them!
Thank you Matt, Eli, Chris, Danny, Ben, Kristen, Deanna, Aisha, Vivienne, Greg, Eric, Andrew, and my amazing fellow captain "The Austrian" Christoph!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
sisters
I always love visiting home and sharing some special times with my sisters.
It amazes me how quickly we all grow up and change, yet through storms, trials, happiness, joys, accomplishment, or apparent defeats - my sisters are always there. We're a network that cannot be shaken, with a love that is unfaded by the tests of time and other persons. There are no two persons in my life so uniquely different yet special who hold a special place in my heart as these two. We've grow together, lived together, argued together, laughed together, cried together, traveled together, shared chickenpox together, cooked, cleaned, learned, been punished...everything. We grew together! I'm thankful for my beautiful sisters!
It amazes me how quickly we all grow up and change, yet through storms, trials, happiness, joys, accomplishment, or apparent defeats - my sisters are always there. We're a network that cannot be shaken, with a love that is unfaded by the tests of time and other persons. There are no two persons in my life so uniquely different yet special who hold a special place in my heart as these two. We've grow together, lived together, argued together, laughed together, cried together, traveled together, shared chickenpox together, cooked, cleaned, learned, been punished...everything. We grew together! I'm thankful for my beautiful sisters!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
purpose
Why do we insist on preaching one another into boredom? Why do ministers so often try so hard to articulate their thoughts - backing them up with Scripture? Why can't we take the Word and think on it so we can learn of it? I feel like people are chewing up the Word for us and instead of giving us a whole bite - they've chewed it up and spit it out. Then they expect us to eat it! No Way! Regurgitated, self-focused thoughts are not worth ingesting. Where's the substance? Where's the truth - good solid hardcore truth? Lord help us!
simple as a reflection
I recently wrapped up the book of Proverbs in my nightly devotional time and have been chewing on this verse for about a week now:
"As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person."
-Proverbs 27:19
We are called to emulate Christ in our words, thoughts, actions, and even in the way we love one another. Sometimes this can be tough, but still the call remains the same. We are called in Ephesians to "Live as children of the Light - to imitate Christ" - so why do we have such a difficult time doing this?
Well...as a face is reflected in water...so the heart reflects the real person.
Matthew 12:34 says "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Therefore I am led to believe that the words escaping from our mouths - if they come from the abundance of our hearts, and our hearts reflect our real person - the words we speak are a direct expression of who we are - what we stand for, value, represent. Our words paint a picture of our character.
I don't know about you, but I want my character, the reflection seen of me - the abundance and overflow of my heart to be so consumed with Christ that there is no question what I have spent my time, energy, and efforts filling myself with - simply Christ, nothing else or substitutionary.
So what's a practical way to work on this? Hide God's word in my heart.
Psalm 40:8 says, " I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart."
Lord may my heart bare a reflection that brings Your name much glory and points others to You.
"As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person."
-Proverbs 27:19
We are called to emulate Christ in our words, thoughts, actions, and even in the way we love one another. Sometimes this can be tough, but still the call remains the same. We are called in Ephesians to "Live as children of the Light - to imitate Christ" - so why do we have such a difficult time doing this?
Well...as a face is reflected in water...so the heart reflects the real person.
Matthew 12:34 says "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Therefore I am led to believe that the words escaping from our mouths - if they come from the abundance of our hearts, and our hearts reflect our real person - the words we speak are a direct expression of who we are - what we stand for, value, represent. Our words paint a picture of our character.
I don't know about you, but I want my character, the reflection seen of me - the abundance and overflow of my heart to be so consumed with Christ that there is no question what I have spent my time, energy, and efforts filling myself with - simply Christ, nothing else or substitutionary.
So what's a practical way to work on this? Hide God's word in my heart.
Psalm 40:8 says, " I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart."
Lord may my heart bare a reflection that brings Your name much glory and points others to You.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
detestable beauty?
I've been wondering over the last week: what exactly defines beauty?
Have we over the span of time so significantly altered the purpose of beauty that we miss that which is beauty in exchange for what we choose to make it?
As women in society today we are told that if we dress a certain way, smell nice, and apply a said amount of energy into creating an attractive hairstyle, we're well on our way to being seen as beautiful. Men label "beautiful" women as "hot" or "smokin'" and these terms alone cause women to detest their beauty. Women are equally guilty in this area, as they vocalize their thoughts on the "manliness" or "masculine abilities" of the men around them. This often focuses around their strength or abilities - to deny encouragement and affirmation in these areas is crushing. When beauty is mocked, boxed up and labeled with a rotten permanent marker, it smears the purity, the sacredness of the beauty being beheld. It makes beauty seem and feel dirty, it makes it almost unwanted or perhaps, detestable.
So how can we both express the beauty of Christ in our lives, yet not be distracting? How can we flee from any attempt to distract our brothers - to not lose the focus of keeping a pure motive - basically to display and radiate true beauty without any sort of selfish agenda attached? How do we allow beauty not to be detestable, difficult, and tedious, but rather a joyous, free, effortless thing?
1 Peter 3:3-4 says, " Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
I was reading in my systematic theology textbook this week and came across a rather profound thought that speaks to this issue: "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder is a partly correct statement. Beauty is both in the beholder, and in what is beheld - but it does not exist in a prior way as an eternal concept." (Grider, 54) Beauty seems to be a combined effort of that which is recognized as being beautiful - and that which is necessary to behold it, to proclaim its beauty.
How interesting it is to consider the emphasis we place on the abilities of the beholder, that sometimes we sacrifice or miss an opportunity to view the true beauty of the beheld. Is this text perhaps also implying that beauty is found in the moment? We so often seek out beauty through retrospect or dreaming, but could we possiblly be so foolishly bypassing the beheld, in order to be deemed an efficient beholder?
I also like the idea of something beautiful being beheld. The very word sounds as though it calls for a special honor - a gentleness - or grace perhaps. Beauty is simply: beheld. Nothing terribly complicated or perplexing about the process - simply a combined/shared effort on behalf of the beholder and the beheld to display and recognize beauty.
This week my apartment participated in a challenge where we hid our "toolboxes" designed to make us 'beautiful'. We spent a week seeking a new perspective on beauty - and sought to recognize the beauty in others and the reflection of Christ's beauty within ourselves. It's difficult to step away from outward adornments and comforts, but so very rewarding. I recognized this week that I am beautiful...why? My heart reflects the Love of my Creator, my Lover, my Savior, Breath and Life. Thank you my dear beautiful sisters for journeying with me in this adventurous week.
Have we over the span of time so significantly altered the purpose of beauty that we miss that which is beauty in exchange for what we choose to make it?
As women in society today we are told that if we dress a certain way, smell nice, and apply a said amount of energy into creating an attractive hairstyle, we're well on our way to being seen as beautiful. Men label "beautiful" women as "hot" or "smokin'" and these terms alone cause women to detest their beauty. Women are equally guilty in this area, as they vocalize their thoughts on the "manliness" or "masculine abilities" of the men around them. This often focuses around their strength or abilities - to deny encouragement and affirmation in these areas is crushing. When beauty is mocked, boxed up and labeled with a rotten permanent marker, it smears the purity, the sacredness of the beauty being beheld. It makes beauty seem and feel dirty, it makes it almost unwanted or perhaps, detestable.
So how can we both express the beauty of Christ in our lives, yet not be distracting? How can we flee from any attempt to distract our brothers - to not lose the focus of keeping a pure motive - basically to display and radiate true beauty without any sort of selfish agenda attached? How do we allow beauty not to be detestable, difficult, and tedious, but rather a joyous, free, effortless thing?
1 Peter 3:3-4 says, " Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
I was reading in my systematic theology textbook this week and came across a rather profound thought that speaks to this issue: "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder is a partly correct statement. Beauty is both in the beholder, and in what is beheld - but it does not exist in a prior way as an eternal concept." (Grider, 54) Beauty seems to be a combined effort of that which is recognized as being beautiful - and that which is necessary to behold it, to proclaim its beauty.
How interesting it is to consider the emphasis we place on the abilities of the beholder, that sometimes we sacrifice or miss an opportunity to view the true beauty of the beheld. Is this text perhaps also implying that beauty is found in the moment? We so often seek out beauty through retrospect or dreaming, but could we possiblly be so foolishly bypassing the beheld, in order to be deemed an efficient beholder?
I also like the idea of something beautiful being beheld. The very word sounds as though it calls for a special honor - a gentleness - or grace perhaps. Beauty is simply: beheld. Nothing terribly complicated or perplexing about the process - simply a combined/shared effort on behalf of the beholder and the beheld to display and recognize beauty.
This week my apartment participated in a challenge where we hid our "toolboxes" designed to make us 'beautiful'. We spent a week seeking a new perspective on beauty - and sought to recognize the beauty in others and the reflection of Christ's beauty within ourselves. It's difficult to step away from outward adornments and comforts, but so very rewarding. I recognized this week that I am beautiful...why? My heart reflects the Love of my Creator, my Lover, my Savior, Breath and Life. Thank you my dear beautiful sisters for journeying with me in this adventurous week.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
could the change in your pocket change someone's day?
On Thursday H.C. Wilson came to speak in chapel representing Global Partners. He talked about God's great-grace and how we have been so very blessed with everything we need in North America.
At the close of his message he asked that we empty our pockets of loose change to send to Haiti to help those being ravaged by the hurricanes. Most of their island is apparently waist or knee deep in water and they're having difficulty managing basic things like food, etc. I felt a little bad wishing I had some change to give, but my friend Nick Doyle and I prayed that God would take the money and multiply it 100 fold.
As I closed my eyes to continue worshipping I got a vivid picture of my little soccer-piggy bank (my date-day fund) sitting on the altar. "Hey!" I tought to myself, "that has money in it!" I felt prompted to go get it. So I ran back to my room, grabbed a paper bag and my piggybank. "Lord, do I have to give my piggy bank?" " No, just empty it." So I did, tunies and loonies, and quarters gallore spilled from this heavy little bank of treasure. Then I heard a rustling and found some bills that had been crushed at the top. 'These too???" I wondered. "Not a mite would I withhold..." rung through my head. So I EMPTIED all the cash to my name (I didn't bother counting it) and trucked back to the chapel. Smiling I thought to myself, "Christy, someday people are going to empty their piggybanks for you...".
Our school...the 200ish students...offered what little we had that day and totaled: $1960 and change. along with a sweater and a bible.
H.C. Wilson struck at my heart when he read the account of a man in Vietnam after the country had been ravaged by war. The man told of seeing a citizen clothed in a shirt so thread bare that he had pieces of wire holding it together. "I took his picture," the man said, "but I did not give him my shirt." I watched as one of my brothers in Christ walked forward to lay his expensive American Eagle hoodie on the altar for someone that needs a shirt. It brought joy to my heart - I think God is working in this young man's heart to follow him as a missionary - wherever that may be.
It's funny when how our bank balances get a little low - we start withholding, perhaps without even realizing it. We think about all the trips we'd like to plan (maybe even missions trips) or our "to get" list we need of basic little things. We classify it as budgeting or being wise with our expenses and these things are good yes, but I think the Lord taught me an interesting lesson through the emptying of my little piggybank. It took me 2 years of saving to pack this little bank with some hefty change and now it's en route to Haiti.
How easy it is for us to forget the story in the gospels of a woman bringing her two pieces of money, everything she owned, to offer at the temple. She emptied herself of all security - worldly provision- there was no security cushion in her bank account. She gave everything without question and trusted that her Supply would meet her needs.
I trust God will provide for and meet all of my needs, that He will faithfully continue to be my provision - yet sometimes I forget that perhaps I am to be a vessel of God's provision for others. I do not need to have "such and such" an amount in my checking/savings account to know that God will provide. He already has and I trust He will continue to provide, abundantly and overflowing. Sure some people might chuckle at me and think this is a naive proclaimation and maybe it is...but I believe differently. Jehovah Jireh has taught me to know differently.
"Take my silver and my gold...not a mite will I withhold...not a mite will I withhold."
At the close of his message he asked that we empty our pockets of loose change to send to Haiti to help those being ravaged by the hurricanes. Most of their island is apparently waist or knee deep in water and they're having difficulty managing basic things like food, etc. I felt a little bad wishing I had some change to give, but my friend Nick Doyle and I prayed that God would take the money and multiply it 100 fold.
As I closed my eyes to continue worshipping I got a vivid picture of my little soccer-piggy bank (my date-day fund) sitting on the altar. "Hey!" I tought to myself, "that has money in it!" I felt prompted to go get it. So I ran back to my room, grabbed a paper bag and my piggybank. "Lord, do I have to give my piggy bank?" " No, just empty it." So I did, tunies and loonies, and quarters gallore spilled from this heavy little bank of treasure. Then I heard a rustling and found some bills that had been crushed at the top. 'These too???" I wondered. "Not a mite would I withhold..." rung through my head. So I EMPTIED all the cash to my name (I didn't bother counting it) and trucked back to the chapel. Smiling I thought to myself, "Christy, someday people are going to empty their piggybanks for you...".
Our school...the 200ish students...offered what little we had that day and totaled: $1960 and change. along with a sweater and a bible.
H.C. Wilson struck at my heart when he read the account of a man in Vietnam after the country had been ravaged by war. The man told of seeing a citizen clothed in a shirt so thread bare that he had pieces of wire holding it together. "I took his picture," the man said, "but I did not give him my shirt." I watched as one of my brothers in Christ walked forward to lay his expensive American Eagle hoodie on the altar for someone that needs a shirt. It brought joy to my heart - I think God is working in this young man's heart to follow him as a missionary - wherever that may be.
It's funny when how our bank balances get a little low - we start withholding, perhaps without even realizing it. We think about all the trips we'd like to plan (maybe even missions trips) or our "to get" list we need of basic little things. We classify it as budgeting or being wise with our expenses and these things are good yes, but I think the Lord taught me an interesting lesson through the emptying of my little piggybank. It took me 2 years of saving to pack this little bank with some hefty change and now it's en route to Haiti.
How easy it is for us to forget the story in the gospels of a woman bringing her two pieces of money, everything she owned, to offer at the temple. She emptied herself of all security - worldly provision- there was no security cushion in her bank account. She gave everything without question and trusted that her Supply would meet her needs.
I trust God will provide for and meet all of my needs, that He will faithfully continue to be my provision - yet sometimes I forget that perhaps I am to be a vessel of God's provision for others. I do not need to have "such and such" an amount in my checking/savings account to know that God will provide. He already has and I trust He will continue to provide, abundantly and overflowing. Sure some people might chuckle at me and think this is a naive proclaimation and maybe it is...but I believe differently. Jehovah Jireh has taught me to know differently.
"Take my silver and my gold...not a mite will I withhold...not a mite will I withhold."
Thursday, September 11, 2008
remembering 9/11/01
Seven years ago in a small town classroom - my classmates and I sat, alert and ready to learn as our teacher began her lecture. 8th grade was a big deal and having just come off of an incredible summer of traveling and vacationing, we were all still 'excited' to be at school.
A loud knock sounded off the door as another teacher entered and spoke to our teacher. Without hesitation she left the room - without saying a word. Not sure what exactly was going on we chattered amongst ourselves. She returned with the rolling television set, instructed us to gather our chairs around and we watched.
On the screen was a man with some sort of fog or smoke in the background. "Are we watching a space ship launch?" some questioned. "It looks kind've like New York City!" I remarked. My dance class had just been in the city a month before. "I agree" my fellow dance friend remarked. Suddenly the screen zoomed in, but it was still quite unclear as to what was going on. Then we saw it, "Hey that building is on fire!" "Woah, how did that happen?"
Something in my heart told me this wasn't just an accident. As we sat transfixed looking at the screen our chatter began to subside. We were all busily thinking and hypothesizing what exactly was going on. Then I saw it a faint little speck coming from the right side of the screen. "Hey, oh my goodness! Is that another plane?" I remarked. "No, it's probably a helicopter filming the fire" my classmate answered. "I'm serious it looks like a plane! It's heading straight for the building!" The second tower was hit and our mouths flew open. We sat for a good hour before that screen in shock and wonder as we watched news reports of our country basically falling apart. Fear gripped our hearts and a great sadness began to settle as well.
I remember well when Jon (sometimes our class clown) turned around me and with a great seriousness in his eyes said, "Christy, I know you were in New York last month. I'm really glad you're not there now."
Those words spoke volumes to me that day.
I began to worry about my dad an army soldier and his talk of being deployed.
Our soccer games were cancelled.
Everyone went straight home after school...and a chilling silence filled the air.
All around me was quiet - sadness and grief for the loss of our country was everywhere.
For the next several weeks I would sit and watch with my parents from the time I came home after school until bedtime. The only portion of reports I never saw was those of persons jumping for their lives from the fiery building. My heart was gripped and broken for New York City - the Big Apple that would never again be quite the same. My heart was saddened and grieved for all the families who wouldn't have daddys and mommys, lovers, friends, parents, etc home that night or ever again.
This event will forever be burned in my memory - it was a moment of great shifting in my thinking about humanity and it wickedness - and also the importance of LOVE, COMPASSION, and SERVICE.
9-11-01 ... 7 years ago already - that is hard to believe.
Take a little time to remember those whose lives were forever shifted by this event and to pray for our country and all the giant changes that have been brought about in light of these circumstances.
A loud knock sounded off the door as another teacher entered and spoke to our teacher. Without hesitation she left the room - without saying a word. Not sure what exactly was going on we chattered amongst ourselves. She returned with the rolling television set, instructed us to gather our chairs around and we watched.
On the screen was a man with some sort of fog or smoke in the background. "Are we watching a space ship launch?" some questioned. "It looks kind've like New York City!" I remarked. My dance class had just been in the city a month before. "I agree" my fellow dance friend remarked. Suddenly the screen zoomed in, but it was still quite unclear as to what was going on. Then we saw it, "Hey that building is on fire!" "Woah, how did that happen?"
Something in my heart told me this wasn't just an accident. As we sat transfixed looking at the screen our chatter began to subside. We were all busily thinking and hypothesizing what exactly was going on. Then I saw it a faint little speck coming from the right side of the screen. "Hey, oh my goodness! Is that another plane?" I remarked. "No, it's probably a helicopter filming the fire" my classmate answered. "I'm serious it looks like a plane! It's heading straight for the building!" The second tower was hit and our mouths flew open. We sat for a good hour before that screen in shock and wonder as we watched news reports of our country basically falling apart. Fear gripped our hearts and a great sadness began to settle as well.
I remember well when Jon (sometimes our class clown) turned around me and with a great seriousness in his eyes said, "Christy, I know you were in New York last month. I'm really glad you're not there now."
Those words spoke volumes to me that day.
I began to worry about my dad an army soldier and his talk of being deployed.
Our soccer games were cancelled.
Everyone went straight home after school...and a chilling silence filled the air.
All around me was quiet - sadness and grief for the loss of our country was everywhere.
For the next several weeks I would sit and watch with my parents from the time I came home after school until bedtime. The only portion of reports I never saw was those of persons jumping for their lives from the fiery building. My heart was gripped and broken for New York City - the Big Apple that would never again be quite the same. My heart was saddened and grieved for all the families who wouldn't have daddys and mommys, lovers, friends, parents, etc home that night or ever again.
This event will forever be burned in my memory - it was a moment of great shifting in my thinking about humanity and it wickedness - and also the importance of LOVE, COMPASSION, and SERVICE.
9-11-01 ... 7 years ago already - that is hard to believe.
Take a little time to remember those whose lives were forever shifted by this event and to pray for our country and all the giant changes that have been brought about in light of these circumstances.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
consecration weekend
It's been a bustling, busy weekend around campus as we have partaken of 7 services over the weekend in honor of consecrating our brand new chapel. Hundreds of people from all over the states and various provinces came to join in the celebration and festivities.
David Howard was our speaker this week and the Lord used him as a vessel to communicate much truth to me and to stir up some serious thinking in both my head and heart.
Two things that I'm really itching about were spoken in the messages on Saturday:
1) Our duty 1st to Christ is to respond with obedience. When God calls us we so often worry and wonder about where he is calling us to. We must remember that "geography will take care of itself later." Abraham is a prime example of this. In Genesis God calls him to go and assures him He will reveal where to be in His time. Wow...so just going without knowing...that concept is so foreign to our culture yet so adventurous and absolutely dependent upon the Lord's leading.
2) Jim Elliot penned these words in is journal during his early college years as a university student: "When it comes time to die - make sure all you have to do is die."
I am both humbled and blown away by the implications of this statement.
Jesus, my life for the gospel - a life that is recklessly, absolutely, resoundingly devoted to You!
Finally in closing thoughts, Jim Elliot also penned something regarding our motivations and efforts in what we do each day. He said, "Wherever you are - be all there - live to the hilt - be to the will of God." Basically whatever we are doing - go all out - full steam ahead - hold nothing back. Just go and trust God as your supply, portion, strength, your everything.
I want to be someone who gives all of myself for the things of Christ - who withholds nothing from the One who withholds nothing from the ones He loves. I'm so thankful for God's patience and willingness to teach us baby step by little baby step!
David Howard was our speaker this week and the Lord used him as a vessel to communicate much truth to me and to stir up some serious thinking in both my head and heart.
Two things that I'm really itching about were spoken in the messages on Saturday:
1) Our duty 1st to Christ is to respond with obedience. When God calls us we so often worry and wonder about where he is calling us to. We must remember that "geography will take care of itself later." Abraham is a prime example of this. In Genesis God calls him to go and assures him He will reveal where to be in His time. Wow...so just going without knowing...that concept is so foreign to our culture yet so adventurous and absolutely dependent upon the Lord's leading.
2) Jim Elliot penned these words in is journal during his early college years as a university student: "When it comes time to die - make sure all you have to do is die."
I am both humbled and blown away by the implications of this statement.
Jesus, my life for the gospel - a life that is recklessly, absolutely, resoundingly devoted to You!
Finally in closing thoughts, Jim Elliot also penned something regarding our motivations and efforts in what we do each day. He said, "Wherever you are - be all there - live to the hilt - be to the will of God." Basically whatever we are doing - go all out - full steam ahead - hold nothing back. Just go and trust God as your supply, portion, strength, your everything.
I want to be someone who gives all of myself for the things of Christ - who withholds nothing from the One who withholds nothing from the ones He loves. I'm so thankful for God's patience and willingness to teach us baby step by little baby step!
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
fully alive
I was reading in my one year Bible this morning a passage from 2 Corinthians 6 that really struck my heart. Paul blows me away with his honestly in this passage, and the faith and trust in Christ that is evident with every word. He is bold in his proclamations of what is going on, and yet still present with his words is a sense of humility and genuine love for Christ, the One for whose glory he chooses to live his life. Verses 4-10 say:
“4 In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. 5 We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. 6 We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. 7 We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. 8 We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. 9 We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. 10 Our hearts ache, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.”
In EVERYTHING…not just in papers, or projects – seminars or in classrooms – not just in chapel or Sunday mornings looking all spiffy – NO, in EVERYTHING they do, they show that they are TRUE ministers of God. They patiently endure what comes their way and prove themselves not by proclaiming weakness, or whining, and complaining and scheming. NO! They prove themselves by their purity, understanding, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit at work in their hearts, and their sincere love.
Romans 12: 9-10 tell us, “Don’t just pretend to love others – really love them – Love each other with genuine affection…” Paul and his friends offered a sincere love. I think this speaks volumes as to why their favor of God rested upon them – how they could be beaten, ignored, hungry, sleepless, exhausted and still praise, honor, and serve Christ. I believe the sincere love they offered in everything – proving they are true ministers of God flowed from the tank of their sincere, overflowing, devoted, recklessly abandoned love for the Father and believe in His purposes for their lives.
From their love we see evidence of the devotion: “We serve God whether people honor us or despise us – slander us or praise us.” The next statement tugs at my heart as I struggle to wrap the intensity of the concept around my finite mind: “We live close to death, but we are still alive – our hearts ache, but we give spiritual riches to others – We own NOTHING and yet we have EVERYTHING!”
Life in Christ = everything we need.
He’s our supply.
We can be close to death by the world’s standards, but FULLY ALIVE in CHRIST!
Who in their right mind, has an aching heart (in our world) and doesn’t first turn to tend to it ‘before’ they ‘give’ to others? The concept of owning nothing and having everything in Christ blows me away – that’s my heart cry – that’s my desire. I want to live a life of simplicity and hunger after Christ that will break me and fashion me more into His image. I want to give even when it aches, and then – to keep giving – to serve Christ whether people honor or despise me – whatever the consequences may be. To enter far off lands for the sake of sharing Jesus with those who have never heard – though their country, government, officials and law may despise me, that I would march forward, though I may draw close to death, that I would run forward, fully alive in Christ.
“4 In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. 5 We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. 6 We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. 7 We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. 8 We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. 9 We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. 10 Our hearts ache, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.”
In EVERYTHING…not just in papers, or projects – seminars or in classrooms – not just in chapel or Sunday mornings looking all spiffy – NO, in EVERYTHING they do, they show that they are TRUE ministers of God. They patiently endure what comes their way and prove themselves not by proclaiming weakness, or whining, and complaining and scheming. NO! They prove themselves by their purity, understanding, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit at work in their hearts, and their sincere love.
Romans 12: 9-10 tell us, “Don’t just pretend to love others – really love them – Love each other with genuine affection…” Paul and his friends offered a sincere love. I think this speaks volumes as to why their favor of God rested upon them – how they could be beaten, ignored, hungry, sleepless, exhausted and still praise, honor, and serve Christ. I believe the sincere love they offered in everything – proving they are true ministers of God flowed from the tank of their sincere, overflowing, devoted, recklessly abandoned love for the Father and believe in His purposes for their lives.
From their love we see evidence of the devotion: “We serve God whether people honor us or despise us – slander us or praise us.” The next statement tugs at my heart as I struggle to wrap the intensity of the concept around my finite mind: “We live close to death, but we are still alive – our hearts ache, but we give spiritual riches to others – We own NOTHING and yet we have EVERYTHING!”
Life in Christ = everything we need.
He’s our supply.
We can be close to death by the world’s standards, but FULLY ALIVE in CHRIST!
Who in their right mind, has an aching heart (in our world) and doesn’t first turn to tend to it ‘before’ they ‘give’ to others? The concept of owning nothing and having everything in Christ blows me away – that’s my heart cry – that’s my desire. I want to live a life of simplicity and hunger after Christ that will break me and fashion me more into His image. I want to give even when it aches, and then – to keep giving – to serve Christ whether people honor or despise me – whatever the consequences may be. To enter far off lands for the sake of sharing Jesus with those who have never heard – though their country, government, officials and law may despise me, that I would march forward, though I may draw close to death, that I would run forward, fully alive in Christ.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
exhausted
Ever feel like your body could keep on keepin' on for a bit, but your brain wants to take a nap? When we ignore that feeling, eventually our brain starts demanding naps, and if we don't in fact respond to and honor the request for a mental break, our brain goes on vacation for a time.
I have been going non-stop for 10 weeks now and my brain has been screaming at me the last 2 to give it a rest. However, life around me says that there will be plenty of time to take brain breaks later, now I need to focus. I heard tell of this scenario called "summer team crash n' burn". It is highly contagious to persons who devote their entire summer to running around from camp to camp, counseling and dealing with people until it begins to feel like a lifestyle. It's a 24 hour a day demanding job. You eat, sleep, move, and work like camp. Moments of the day are consumed with 'go go going' and opportunities to love, serve, and minister to people are placed like a buffet before your very eyes. Basically it's a feast of ministry opportunities. Then you get back to Bible college, and like myself you begin to not know what to do with yourself. In a sense, you feel like you're not accomplishing anything.
I haven't been able to get to sleep before midnight because I feel like I haven't accomplished enough tasks or work before doing so. I forget things easily (my brain takes naps) and I find myself going in and out of rooms to retrieve items I realize I needed 2-3 seconds after I leave. So it's time for a break. I'm heading to sleep and sleep I shall until I waken, without the wellmeaning assistance of an alarmclock. It's time for some good ol' fashioned oscillation - rest - rejuvination -renewal.
Pray for me if you think to. I know the Lord has amazing plans for this year. I also recognize that in order to be prepared for these, I need to take care of my body!
So friends, give your brains a little break. Just be and stop thinking for awhile. Sleep, rest, joy. Love y'all!
I have been going non-stop for 10 weeks now and my brain has been screaming at me the last 2 to give it a rest. However, life around me says that there will be plenty of time to take brain breaks later, now I need to focus. I heard tell of this scenario called "summer team crash n' burn". It is highly contagious to persons who devote their entire summer to running around from camp to camp, counseling and dealing with people until it begins to feel like a lifestyle. It's a 24 hour a day demanding job. You eat, sleep, move, and work like camp. Moments of the day are consumed with 'go go going' and opportunities to love, serve, and minister to people are placed like a buffet before your very eyes. Basically it's a feast of ministry opportunities. Then you get back to Bible college, and like myself you begin to not know what to do with yourself. In a sense, you feel like you're not accomplishing anything.
I haven't been able to get to sleep before midnight because I feel like I haven't accomplished enough tasks or work before doing so. I forget things easily (my brain takes naps) and I find myself going in and out of rooms to retrieve items I realize I needed 2-3 seconds after I leave. So it's time for a break. I'm heading to sleep and sleep I shall until I waken, without the wellmeaning assistance of an alarmclock. It's time for some good ol' fashioned oscillation - rest - rejuvination -renewal.
Pray for me if you think to. I know the Lord has amazing plans for this year. I also recognize that in order to be prepared for these, I need to take care of my body!
So friends, give your brains a little break. Just be and stop thinking for awhile. Sleep, rest, joy. Love y'all!
Monday, August 25, 2008
willing to go?
Returning from a weekend with the PLC and Prez would undoubtedly leave one with many questions and thoughts stirring around in their heads, but several things have uniquely stuck in my mind from our various discussions.
"You were made for God and God alone - to be devoured by Him completely."
Now in order for this to happen it takes a whole lot of surrender and a whole lack of self - a pure, raw heart desire, a childlike faith to march forward in complete trust toward One who loves us enough to devour us so completely, we lose ourselves to find Him.
Partnered with this thought comes an observation of our devotional time. Someone posed the question to our group, " If Christ came tonight and said, 'I'm taking you home. Come!' How would you respond? Would you say, 'No Lord! Not yet! You can't be finished with me yet - I need to help so and so with this and that...' - or would you just go?"
Immediately my heart pounded hard against my chest as a blizzard of questions and thoughts rushed through my head and heart.
Suddenly it struck me - Life is NOT about the "but what abouts" or the "I just need tos". Life is about Christ. It's about breathing Him and loving Him, seeking Him, being for Him and with Him. (Who will I marry? When? But I haven't had time to meet him yet. What if I miss my chance? When will I finish school? What's next? What about internship? Where will I go? What about kids?) in the grand scheme of things these selfish thoughts are so foolish and they often get us stuck in a place we might never escape - a place of settling and refusing to look beyond the call- a place where the potential risk and adventure that lies right before us but we're so blinded, we refuse to see. Sometimes we just need to jump out of the boat onto the water and though we don't belong on the substance, we trust that He who called us to do such a thing will come through- He'll be there. No more of this toe dipping silliness. We need to get drenched!
If He called me - my longing is to answer as I step forward with a resounding, abandonded, without question YES!
All I can think of is a verse I wrote to the tune of 'My Jesus I Love Thee':
"With all things uncertain,
My life in Your hands...
The path that You've woven,
I choose to ascend.
My Jesus you chose me,
You called on - my name.
And now I will follow...
In joy or in pain!"
"You were made for God and God alone - to be devoured by Him completely."
Now in order for this to happen it takes a whole lot of surrender and a whole lack of self - a pure, raw heart desire, a childlike faith to march forward in complete trust toward One who loves us enough to devour us so completely, we lose ourselves to find Him.
Partnered with this thought comes an observation of our devotional time. Someone posed the question to our group, " If Christ came tonight and said, 'I'm taking you home. Come!' How would you respond? Would you say, 'No Lord! Not yet! You can't be finished with me yet - I need to help so and so with this and that...' - or would you just go?"
Immediately my heart pounded hard against my chest as a blizzard of questions and thoughts rushed through my head and heart.
Suddenly it struck me - Life is NOT about the "but what abouts" or the "I just need tos". Life is about Christ. It's about breathing Him and loving Him, seeking Him, being for Him and with Him. (Who will I marry? When? But I haven't had time to meet him yet. What if I miss my chance? When will I finish school? What's next? What about internship? Where will I go? What about kids?) in the grand scheme of things these selfish thoughts are so foolish and they often get us stuck in a place we might never escape - a place of settling and refusing to look beyond the call- a place where the potential risk and adventure that lies right before us but we're so blinded, we refuse to see. Sometimes we just need to jump out of the boat onto the water and though we don't belong on the substance, we trust that He who called us to do such a thing will come through- He'll be there. No more of this toe dipping silliness. We need to get drenched!
If He called me - my longing is to answer as I step forward with a resounding, abandonded, without question YES!
All I can think of is a verse I wrote to the tune of 'My Jesus I Love Thee':
"With all things uncertain,
My life in Your hands...
The path that You've woven,
I choose to ascend.
My Jesus you chose me,
You called on - my name.
And now I will follow...
In joy or in pain!"
Friday, August 22, 2008
date days
It's been nearly a year now since I began my regular practice of stealing away once a month for a special date day with the Lord. Traveling on a summer team this summer had proved to make such practices interesting. However, at our last camp I was fortunate to steal away for awhile to be and rest in the presence of the Lord and His love.
Thankfully it was a beautiful day. I felt blessed that our date day was the only sunshiny day all week at camp. The rest were dreary and foggy/rainy. My heart is delighted by One - it has been captured and fashioned by the King of Kings.
Thankfully it was a beautiful day. I felt blessed that our date day was the only sunshiny day all week at camp. The rest were dreary and foggy/rainy. My heart is delighted by One - it has been captured and fashioned by the King of Kings.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
God's intimate love
(This quote struck my heart this week: I've chosen to partner it with a photo I captured in Nova Scotia recently.)
"An infinite God can give Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." -A.W. Tozer
"An infinite God can give Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." -A.W. Tozer
reality check with a little something to chew on
My final week of camp...
I was excited and sad to acknowledge my summer of traveling adventures was coming to a close. It would have been easy to allow exhaustion to consume me and the negativity of the campers to overwhelm me, but I stood firm and pressed atleast 3/4 heartedly.
Then it hit me - one of my campers looked at me and said "So you've been doing this all summer. You must be so tired of going to camps. I bet you don't like this camp. I don't mean anything to you anyway. Especially if you've done this all summer! You're just going to leave and not remember me."
WAHBAM! My heart wrenched for this girl who thought there was no way I could possibly care for her - who thought she was only valuable to be a number in my life or worse yet was just part of my "job". Quite shaken and awakened by this thought, I gulped took a deep breath and responded in love the best way I knew how: " You are not just another camper. I will remember you. I remember every camper I have had this summer by name and I know each one of their stories." "Well prove it!" "Okay...here goes..." and I proceeded to list off camps and my girls and a little blurb about their stories. The more names I gave the more this camper's heart began to soften. "So I guess you really might just love me then? You won't forget me?"
Immediately her face came alive and she realized she had value in my eyes. Instantly we became friends and the rest of the week I was blessed to have conversation after conversation with her about life, love, relationships, writing, being a Christian in tough circumstances and just laughing and appreciating her personality and how uniquely the Lord has made her. Aisha reminded us that "You were created to be an original, don't die a copy."
It's sad how often we have to judge and assume things about the motives of people around it. Sure it makes perfect sense. Time and time again I have been befriended or invested into for some self gain of another person- for their benefit and quite honestly it hurts a lot. We all long for love, yet we struggle to accept it. How awful it is that we in our selfishness and drive to satisfy personal needs have pushed aside relationship for something far less significant: just another person who was needed for a season or a task or something like that.
It is my desire to love freely without an agenda. Lord help me!
I was excited and sad to acknowledge my summer of traveling adventures was coming to a close. It would have been easy to allow exhaustion to consume me and the negativity of the campers to overwhelm me, but I stood firm and pressed atleast 3/4 heartedly.
Then it hit me - one of my campers looked at me and said "So you've been doing this all summer. You must be so tired of going to camps. I bet you don't like this camp. I don't mean anything to you anyway. Especially if you've done this all summer! You're just going to leave and not remember me."
WAHBAM! My heart wrenched for this girl who thought there was no way I could possibly care for her - who thought she was only valuable to be a number in my life or worse yet was just part of my "job". Quite shaken and awakened by this thought, I gulped took a deep breath and responded in love the best way I knew how: " You are not just another camper. I will remember you. I remember every camper I have had this summer by name and I know each one of their stories." "Well prove it!" "Okay...here goes..." and I proceeded to list off camps and my girls and a little blurb about their stories. The more names I gave the more this camper's heart began to soften. "So I guess you really might just love me then? You won't forget me?"
Immediately her face came alive and she realized she had value in my eyes. Instantly we became friends and the rest of the week I was blessed to have conversation after conversation with her about life, love, relationships, writing, being a Christian in tough circumstances and just laughing and appreciating her personality and how uniquely the Lord has made her. Aisha reminded us that "You were created to be an original, don't die a copy."
It's sad how often we have to judge and assume things about the motives of people around it. Sure it makes perfect sense. Time and time again I have been befriended or invested into for some self gain of another person- for their benefit and quite honestly it hurts a lot. We all long for love, yet we struggle to accept it. How awful it is that we in our selfishness and drive to satisfy personal needs have pushed aside relationship for something far less significant: just another person who was needed for a season or a task or something like that.
It is my desire to love freely without an agenda. Lord help me!
my life as a comic strip...
would be quite an interesting read I'm sure.
Our last week at camp soared by. I blinked and Monday became Wednesday which soon morphed into Saturday and poof I was headed back to campus for a week of corps camp.
It was a week of battle.
Getting lost for 2 hours trying to find the camp in the first place had placed a little sour taste in my heart about the camp in general, but after laying aside my selfishness and remembering it's not about me, I pressed on, only to hit another wall: my campers.
Our first impression went something like this: I walked into a giant room with 9 middle school girls (who I thought were all in highschool). Primping hair and chatting together their eyes all looked at us casting their first assumptions. "Who are you? Oh great they gave us a couple of newbies. I've never had a newbie counselor before. What's up with that?" Then they were off again to their gossiping about who was dating who and who they didn't like that week, etc. It was heart wrenching and very irritating.
Looking at these broken, weary, oppressed, confused little hearts I wondered, "Lord why are we here?" I didn't like thinking this and it was the first time such a thought has crossed my mind all summer. Selfishness and stubbornness were like a cloud of darts zinging through the air all week. It was ridiculous - everyone was labeled and if you weren't "it" you were being talked about.
I began to pray for my campers and we saw some progress throughout the week.
Our last week at camp soared by. I blinked and Monday became Wednesday which soon morphed into Saturday and poof I was headed back to campus for a week of corps camp.
It was a week of battle.
Getting lost for 2 hours trying to find the camp in the first place had placed a little sour taste in my heart about the camp in general, but after laying aside my selfishness and remembering it's not about me, I pressed on, only to hit another wall: my campers.
Our first impression went something like this: I walked into a giant room with 9 middle school girls (who I thought were all in highschool). Primping hair and chatting together their eyes all looked at us casting their first assumptions. "Who are you? Oh great they gave us a couple of newbies. I've never had a newbie counselor before. What's up with that?" Then they were off again to their gossiping about who was dating who and who they didn't like that week, etc. It was heart wrenching and very irritating.
Looking at these broken, weary, oppressed, confused little hearts I wondered, "Lord why are we here?" I didn't like thinking this and it was the first time such a thought has crossed my mind all summer. Selfishness and stubbornness were like a cloud of darts zinging through the air all week. It was ridiculous - everyone was labeled and if you weren't "it" you were being talked about.
I began to pray for my campers and we saw some progress throughout the week.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
delight
"Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill...
Where Your blood was spilled...
For my ransom.
Everything I once held dear...
I count it all as loss..
So lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me
Lead me to the cross..."
Looking back over the last 2 weeks the one key thing I could possibly pull from all the experiences is the idea of delighting in Christ, amazement, awestruck, befuddled, baffled, something along those lines...completely astounded.
The Lord has brought recklessness to my heart and with it a beautiful joy and fearlessness despite all the unknown and the fleshly desire to know what's next.
I have been blessed with the smiles and gentlesness of one whose heart is to be treasured. The company of one who is seeking and hungry - who has sharpened me and whom God has allowed me to find delight in- one who bares His image.
Laughter, transparency, genuineness - I love it.
The unexpected has entered my life these last two weeks and taken my comfortable plan and self and turned it all upside down. Oh the wonders and joys of serving a God whose ways are always higher than ours. Just when we think we have it all figured out, going well, and we're content, He says alright, time for the next step.
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill...
Where Your blood was spilled...
For my ransom.
Everything I once held dear...
I count it all as loss..
So lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me
Lead me to the cross..."
Looking back over the last 2 weeks the one key thing I could possibly pull from all the experiences is the idea of delighting in Christ, amazement, awestruck, befuddled, baffled, something along those lines...completely astounded.
The Lord has brought recklessness to my heart and with it a beautiful joy and fearlessness despite all the unknown and the fleshly desire to know what's next.
I have been blessed with the smiles and gentlesness of one whose heart is to be treasured. The company of one who is seeking and hungry - who has sharpened me and whom God has allowed me to find delight in- one who bares His image.
Laughter, transparency, genuineness - I love it.
The unexpected has entered my life these last two weeks and taken my comfortable plan and self and turned it all upside down. Oh the wonders and joys of serving a God whose ways are always higher than ours. Just when we think we have it all figured out, going well, and we're content, He says alright, time for the next step.
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