I was priviledged to share my testimony in a Junior High chapel this morning along with my teammate Aisha and a friend from SWU, Tyrome. The Holy Spirit really took over and poured His presence over the crowd. It was a powerful time of release and prayer. Many of the teens were able to intercede for one another and to pray for release from the struggles and hurts that bound them. It was awesome!
After the service I asked my two friends and our new friend Jeff (the speaker) to pray with me through something. I've struggled for a long while with little stints of depressiveness - if you can even call it that. It is a sensation quite hard to describe, but basically it boils down to my spirit feeling joyful and alive, yet very separate from my physical body which feels bogged down and lonely - oppressed.
I obviously don't go around broadcasting this and for the longest time I didn't know what to do about it. I was still growing and flourishing in Christ, but one area of my life was behind held back - like a lassoe or something. It was disheartening and hurtful. Along with this came a personal struggle I've had since my teen years of "emotional eating". I eat to feel better, or to think, or when I'm afraid, nervous, angry, hurt, lonely. Sometimes I would even eat myself sick - hoping the belly ache I'd given myself would somehow overpower the feeling of being useless, unaccepted and lonely. I confessed this struggle to a friend earlier this spring and began intentionally watching my habits. I have wanted to shed the same 20 pounds for years now, but I was afraid that if I let go of this emotional eating to sustain myself, then somehow I'd spiral out of control and develop some sort of eating disorder - so I sort've controlled myself by not allowing myself to get to that point. The bad thing with this is there was no freedom from the mindset and actions - from the depressive states I sometimes for weeks at a time would feel "blah" in.
I am so thankful for brothers and sisters in Christ who have a heart that longs after Christ and who will come in agreement to see chains broken and the enemy destroyed in his tiny footholds that bring confusion and depression.
After praying I felt a sweet peace in my heart and mind - a release of sweet surrender to Christ allowing Him to fill up that area the enemy sought to contain. I am so thankful for the abounding grace of God. Be blessed today friends!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
consume consume consume
Weary faces crowd the dining hall - like a massive cattle movement, people herd themselves through the lines, slopping giant portions of delicious substances on their plates. Somehow the process has a consistent flow of moving back and forth, between one another, yet never interacting, touching, or acknowledging.
Massive groups of people waltz right past one another without as much as a single grin or twinkle in their eye to acknowledge there is life and breath right beside them. Different we look indeed, but unique are the shapes, the faces, and voices of those all around us.
Chomping down the food, a hearty portion of something sweet to top it off - the thought crosses my mind: How is it that the majority of our day revolves around these massive feedings and the minority revolves around personability or relationships - people really? Why do we take so little time to acknowledge life, yet we make it a priority to consume, consume, consume at least 3 times a day?? People in third world countries spend the majority of their days being personable, loving, sharing, fellowshipping and the minority eating (if even possible).
We're taught at a young age that it's all about "me". What flawed thinking this is. It's not about "me" at all...it never has been and it never will be. So why do we all seek so much to pamper and tend to self?
The young boy who sees free lollie-pops and doesn't think twice about taking 5 because they're all for 'him' - who cares about those 4 kids who might not get one later. He has his 5 and he was satisfied - even though he knew he should only take one.
The girls who slip into the icecream line pretending they know someone so they can cut - what a tragedy it would be if they couldn't satisfy their sweet tooth at that very moment. I mean really - who willingly places others before themselves, that's just a lame idea right? Do I have to let others get what they want and possibly risk not getting what I want?
Or how about the teenage kid who waltzes by the table with free lollie-pops and strategically slips one in his pocket, assured no one just saw him - only to return and deliberately make a point in someone recognizing he has selected the gem of all lollie-pops and this is the "one" he has chosen - minus of course the "hidden" one he stored away earlier.
When I see these things it brings sadness to my heart. Why? Why are we so focused on self that we seek to gain, gain, gain instead of giving? Why is so much self-gain attempted in secret? Would it spoil the act or front we all wear of helping others on the outside, when in reality our hearts are totally disengaged? World...what has happened??? When did life become less worthy or valuable then the elements we seek to satisfy our flesh?
Massive groups of people waltz right past one another without as much as a single grin or twinkle in their eye to acknowledge there is life and breath right beside them. Different we look indeed, but unique are the shapes, the faces, and voices of those all around us.
Chomping down the food, a hearty portion of something sweet to top it off - the thought crosses my mind: How is it that the majority of our day revolves around these massive feedings and the minority revolves around personability or relationships - people really? Why do we take so little time to acknowledge life, yet we make it a priority to consume, consume, consume at least 3 times a day?? People in third world countries spend the majority of their days being personable, loving, sharing, fellowshipping and the minority eating (if even possible).
We're taught at a young age that it's all about "me". What flawed thinking this is. It's not about "me" at all...it never has been and it never will be. So why do we all seek so much to pamper and tend to self?
The young boy who sees free lollie-pops and doesn't think twice about taking 5 because they're all for 'him' - who cares about those 4 kids who might not get one later. He has his 5 and he was satisfied - even though he knew he should only take one.
The girls who slip into the icecream line pretending they know someone so they can cut - what a tragedy it would be if they couldn't satisfy their sweet tooth at that very moment. I mean really - who willingly places others before themselves, that's just a lame idea right? Do I have to let others get what they want and possibly risk not getting what I want?
Or how about the teenage kid who waltzes by the table with free lollie-pops and strategically slips one in his pocket, assured no one just saw him - only to return and deliberately make a point in someone recognizing he has selected the gem of all lollie-pops and this is the "one" he has chosen - minus of course the "hidden" one he stored away earlier.
When I see these things it brings sadness to my heart. Why? Why are we so focused on self that we seek to gain, gain, gain instead of giving? Why is so much self-gain attempted in secret? Would it spoil the act or front we all wear of helping others on the outside, when in reality our hearts are totally disengaged? World...what has happened??? When did life become less worthy or valuable then the elements we seek to satisfy our flesh?
Saturday, July 12, 2008
starbucks thoughts
So I've never been a big fan of coffee.
I refuse to drink it - plain and simple.
However I appreciate tea. One time in Florida a few months back I was introduced to a delicious cold concoction called a "Chai Frappuccino". It's icy, yummy and tastes, of course, like Chai Tea.
This afternoon Aisha and I adventured to Starbucks hoping to accomplish some planning work for our next camp and to find internet. It was here I invested in my second Starbucks Chai concoction ever.
Little did I know what this afternoon would bring and all because I live in Maine.Two older couples entered the store shortly after we had sat down and began planning. One asked the other, "Do you folks live in Maine?" They said no and I glanced up to find all eyes on me, "Are you from Maine dear?" they asked pointing at me. I raised my hand and proved myself guilty of the claim. I was indeed from Maine.
"We LOVE Maine!" they exclaimed, "Especially all the snow. Lots and lots of snow! We love Maine and snow! So beautiful!" This couple actually rejoiced when I told them of our 196inch snowfall this past winter. Perhaps acting as a travel agent, I for them excited to travel to New Brunswick to explore the beauty of Fundy via snowshoes.
Regardless of this intriguing conversation - it led to another unexpected conversation. Quietly, a young man had managed to slip in the chair behind where Aisha and I were sitting as we talked with the older couples. Granted, we were some the only customers and there was plenty of space, but I was thankful because after we talked to the older couple he said, "So you're from Maine?"
This began what would turn into an hour and a half conversation about life, bicycling and the world. I thoroughly appreciated it and felt blessed. This young man's name was Adam and he's been biking across the US for nearly 2 months now from Seattle, Washington. He has an estimated one month more to go until he reaches his goal or destination (somewhere between Boston and Maine). I think this adventure is amazing.
One thing he said in our conversation really stuck with me. He spoke of how he is not an ironman by any means and he didn't train extensively for this adventure, he simply wants to take each day of his life and do a little something to better himself. With this he hopes to teach others to do the same with their lives.
I will try my best to store away this particular thought:(something to the effect of) "Everyday matters. It's the 10,000 individual choices we make as an individual that really matter and effect our world. I just try to make something a little better about myself every day. Just a little something. It's doing something every day that eventually will make me a better person."
So if I share Christ a little bit everyday - eventually someone is doing to get it.
If I exercise my body a little bit everyday - I will eventually grow stronger.
If I love people a little bit everyday - I will eventually make a difference in someone's life.
If I learn something new everyday - eventually I will become more knowledgable.
If I choose to keep my environment clean everyday - eventually that may become contagious and others will make healthy, enviromentally friendly choices too.
Who knows...it just takes "a little something everyday"!
I refuse to drink it - plain and simple.
However I appreciate tea. One time in Florida a few months back I was introduced to a delicious cold concoction called a "Chai Frappuccino". It's icy, yummy and tastes, of course, like Chai Tea.
This afternoon Aisha and I adventured to Starbucks hoping to accomplish some planning work for our next camp and to find internet. It was here I invested in my second Starbucks Chai concoction ever.
Little did I know what this afternoon would bring and all because I live in Maine.Two older couples entered the store shortly after we had sat down and began planning. One asked the other, "Do you folks live in Maine?" They said no and I glanced up to find all eyes on me, "Are you from Maine dear?" they asked pointing at me. I raised my hand and proved myself guilty of the claim. I was indeed from Maine.
"We LOVE Maine!" they exclaimed, "Especially all the snow. Lots and lots of snow! We love Maine and snow! So beautiful!" This couple actually rejoiced when I told them of our 196inch snowfall this past winter. Perhaps acting as a travel agent, I for them excited to travel to New Brunswick to explore the beauty of Fundy via snowshoes.
Regardless of this intriguing conversation - it led to another unexpected conversation. Quietly, a young man had managed to slip in the chair behind where Aisha and I were sitting as we talked with the older couples. Granted, we were some the only customers and there was plenty of space, but I was thankful because after we talked to the older couple he said, "So you're from Maine?"
This began what would turn into an hour and a half conversation about life, bicycling and the world. I thoroughly appreciated it and felt blessed. This young man's name was Adam and he's been biking across the US for nearly 2 months now from Seattle, Washington. He has an estimated one month more to go until he reaches his goal or destination (somewhere between Boston and Maine). I think this adventure is amazing.
One thing he said in our conversation really stuck with me. He spoke of how he is not an ironman by any means and he didn't train extensively for this adventure, he simply wants to take each day of his life and do a little something to better himself. With this he hopes to teach others to do the same with their lives.
I will try my best to store away this particular thought:(something to the effect of) "Everyday matters. It's the 10,000 individual choices we make as an individual that really matter and effect our world. I just try to make something a little better about myself every day. Just a little something. It's doing something every day that eventually will make me a better person."
So if I share Christ a little bit everyday - eventually someone is doing to get it.
If I exercise my body a little bit everyday - I will eventually grow stronger.
If I love people a little bit everyday - I will eventually make a difference in someone's life.
If I learn something new everyday - eventually I will become more knowledgable.
If I choose to keep my environment clean everyday - eventually that may become contagious and others will make healthy, enviromentally friendly choices too.
Who knows...it just takes "a little something everyday"!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Chambers Camp 2008
These are the lovely ladies in my cabin this week. We had an amazing time and the Lord did some great work in our hearts. I will perhaps post some adventurous stories in the near future.
a flawed perspective
The other night I was sitting in a worship service and the overwhelming thought and presence of Christ's image worn on every human being pummeled me.
Have you ever met someone that "too closely" represents someone else you've met in your life that left you with negative feelings or experiences? Well this week I met a man at camp who resembeled someone in my extended family who is no longer a part of the family. They did some things that were awful to people I love and without realizing it, I think I have some stored away judgements about that individual.
So I meet a man at camp with a giant smile and if only he wouldn't have looked somewhat like the person who hurt my family and if only they didn't carry the same name, perhaps it would have been easier, but this man (as sweet and friendly as he was) in my eyes became the other person. Perhaps this sounds completely ridiculous, but it is the truth. I couldn't see past the outside of this person as much as a tried, all I saw was the sinfulness of another person they looked like.
As I sat in worship I looked at the back of this persons head and it struck me: "Lord, he's made in Your image. Carefully crafted...You made him."
My eyes filled with tears as a pulling feeling consumed me. There was a glow about this man that was familiar and peaceful. Christ dwells in him and he was created to bare the image of his Creator, God - just as I was.
In that moment I realized it's not about an outward appearance - and even though someone may appear a certain way on the outside, does not change the work of Christ on the inside. When Christ consumes a life, the person is radically killed of themselves, dead, only to find new life in Christ alone. So this man who resembled someone not walking with the Lord - was himself a beautiful representation of Christ's joy and peace and transforming power.
I guess now my prayer and hope would be to have the ability to look upon the person who did evil things and hurt people and to recognize the image of Christ in them too - however marred, blurred, or distant. I realized today the true measure of my flesh - judgemental and assuming - but Christ in me is Love. Christ is Love.
Have you ever met someone that "too closely" represents someone else you've met in your life that left you with negative feelings or experiences? Well this week I met a man at camp who resembeled someone in my extended family who is no longer a part of the family. They did some things that were awful to people I love and without realizing it, I think I have some stored away judgements about that individual.
So I meet a man at camp with a giant smile and if only he wouldn't have looked somewhat like the person who hurt my family and if only they didn't carry the same name, perhaps it would have been easier, but this man (as sweet and friendly as he was) in my eyes became the other person. Perhaps this sounds completely ridiculous, but it is the truth. I couldn't see past the outside of this person as much as a tried, all I saw was the sinfulness of another person they looked like.
As I sat in worship I looked at the back of this persons head and it struck me: "Lord, he's made in Your image. Carefully crafted...You made him."
My eyes filled with tears as a pulling feeling consumed me. There was a glow about this man that was familiar and peaceful. Christ dwells in him and he was created to bare the image of his Creator, God - just as I was.
In that moment I realized it's not about an outward appearance - and even though someone may appear a certain way on the outside, does not change the work of Christ on the inside. When Christ consumes a life, the person is radically killed of themselves, dead, only to find new life in Christ alone. So this man who resembled someone not walking with the Lord - was himself a beautiful representation of Christ's joy and peace and transforming power.
I guess now my prayer and hope would be to have the ability to look upon the person who did evil things and hurt people and to recognize the image of Christ in them too - however marred, blurred, or distant. I realized today the true measure of my flesh - judgemental and assuming - but Christ in me is Love. Christ is Love.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
leaving an imprint
I love how the Lord uses us as vessels and in the midst of activities of our daily lives, we never seem to recognize exactly how He is at work - the underlying heart working change He is creating, the love and peace He is administering through His intimacy with and presence within us. I love it!
Camp flew by this week, but something one of my cabin girls said to me before leaving will stick with me forever. She walked over to me and I watched the face of a typically silly, non-stop talking girl change and get extremely serious.
"Christy, I just wanted to know you have left a really deep footprint here at this camp. I have been coming to camp since I was a little girl and never have I experienced something this deep. I think your presence and love at camp this week has made an impact in everyone's hearts." So I thanked her and asked her what she meant. She said, "Well I feel as though you left a hand print so deep of God here at camp that it will remain here for years to come for people to see and experience."
Wooosh - talk about a humiliating, humbling experience. This little girl in my cabin who had talked my ear off ALL week and I will confess bordered on annoyance (I may or may not have tuned myself out to one of her stories about bugs or lunchroom memories), but listening to her now, it was as if she herself was not speaking. She meant every word and who was I to receive such a blessed evaluation?
I praise the Lord that HE was at work this week at camp and that His hand has been pressed within the grounds of that camp. Even the director made comment that in his 14 years of being there he had never experienced a week of camp quite like this one. Bless the Lord! He alone is great and most worthy of all glory, honor and praise!
Camp flew by this week, but something one of my cabin girls said to me before leaving will stick with me forever. She walked over to me and I watched the face of a typically silly, non-stop talking girl change and get extremely serious.
"Christy, I just wanted to know you have left a really deep footprint here at this camp. I have been coming to camp since I was a little girl and never have I experienced something this deep. I think your presence and love at camp this week has made an impact in everyone's hearts." So I thanked her and asked her what she meant. She said, "Well I feel as though you left a hand print so deep of God here at camp that it will remain here for years to come for people to see and experience."
Wooosh - talk about a humiliating, humbling experience. This little girl in my cabin who had talked my ear off ALL week and I will confess bordered on annoyance (I may or may not have tuned myself out to one of her stories about bugs or lunchroom memories), but listening to her now, it was as if she herself was not speaking. She meant every word and who was I to receive such a blessed evaluation?
I praise the Lord that HE was at work this week at camp and that His hand has been pressed within the grounds of that camp. Even the director made comment that in his 14 years of being there he had never experienced a week of camp quite like this one. Bless the Lord! He alone is great and most worthy of all glory, honor and praise!
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