sweet release

I was priviledged to share my testimony in a Junior High chapel this morning along with my teammate Aisha and a friend from SWU, Tyrome. The Holy Spirit really took over and poured His presence over the crowd. It was a powerful time of release and prayer. Many of the teens were able to intercede for one another and to pray for release from the struggles and hurts that bound them. It was awesome!

After the service I asked my two friends and our new friend Jeff (the speaker) to pray with me through something. I've struggled for a long while with little stints of depressiveness - if you can even call it that. It is a sensation quite hard to describe, but basically it boils down to my spirit feeling joyful and alive, yet very separate from my physical body which feels bogged down and lonely - oppressed.

I obviously don't go around broadcasting this and for the longest time I didn't know what to do about it. I was still growing and flourishing in Christ, but one area of my life was behind held back - like a lassoe or something. It was disheartening and hurtful. Along with this came a personal struggle I've had since my teen years of "emotional eating". I eat to feel better, or to think, or when I'm afraid, nervous, angry, hurt, lonely. Sometimes I would even eat myself sick - hoping the belly ache I'd given myself would somehow overpower the feeling of being useless, unaccepted and lonely. I confessed this struggle to a friend earlier this spring and began intentionally watching my habits. I have wanted to shed the same 20 pounds for years now, but I was afraid that if I let go of this emotional eating to sustain myself, then somehow I'd spiral out of control and develop some sort of eating disorder - so I sort've controlled myself by not allowing myself to get to that point. The bad thing with this is there was no freedom from the mindset and actions - from the depressive states I sometimes for weeks at a time would feel "blah" in.

I am so thankful for brothers and sisters in Christ who have a heart that longs after Christ and who will come in agreement to see chains broken and the enemy destroyed in his tiny footholds that bring confusion and depression.

After praying I felt a sweet peace in my heart and mind - a release of sweet surrender to Christ allowing Him to fill up that area the enemy sought to contain. I am so thankful for the abounding grace of God. Be blessed today friends!