Ever feel like your body could keep on keepin' on for a bit, but your brain wants to take a nap? When we ignore that feeling, eventually our brain starts demanding naps, and if we don't in fact respond to and honor the request for a mental break, our brain goes on vacation for a time.
I have been going non-stop for 10 weeks now and my brain has been screaming at me the last 2 to give it a rest. However, life around me says that there will be plenty of time to take brain breaks later, now I need to focus. I heard tell of this scenario called "summer team crash n' burn". It is highly contagious to persons who devote their entire summer to running around from camp to camp, counseling and dealing with people until it begins to feel like a lifestyle. It's a 24 hour a day demanding job. You eat, sleep, move, and work like camp. Moments of the day are consumed with 'go go going' and opportunities to love, serve, and minister to people are placed like a buffet before your very eyes. Basically it's a feast of ministry opportunities. Then you get back to Bible college, and like myself you begin to not know what to do with yourself. In a sense, you feel like you're not accomplishing anything.
I haven't been able to get to sleep before midnight because I feel like I haven't accomplished enough tasks or work before doing so. I forget things easily (my brain takes naps) and I find myself going in and out of rooms to retrieve items I realize I needed 2-3 seconds after I leave. So it's time for a break. I'm heading to sleep and sleep I shall until I waken, without the wellmeaning assistance of an alarmclock. It's time for some good ol' fashioned oscillation - rest - rejuvination -renewal.
Pray for me if you think to. I know the Lord has amazing plans for this year. I also recognize that in order to be prepared for these, I need to take care of my body!
So friends, give your brains a little break. Just be and stop thinking for awhile. Sleep, rest, joy. Love y'all!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
willing to go?
Returning from a weekend with the PLC and Prez would undoubtedly leave one with many questions and thoughts stirring around in their heads, but several things have uniquely stuck in my mind from our various discussions.
"You were made for God and God alone - to be devoured by Him completely."
Now in order for this to happen it takes a whole lot of surrender and a whole lack of self - a pure, raw heart desire, a childlike faith to march forward in complete trust toward One who loves us enough to devour us so completely, we lose ourselves to find Him.
Partnered with this thought comes an observation of our devotional time. Someone posed the question to our group, " If Christ came tonight and said, 'I'm taking you home. Come!' How would you respond? Would you say, 'No Lord! Not yet! You can't be finished with me yet - I need to help so and so with this and that...' - or would you just go?"
Immediately my heart pounded hard against my chest as a blizzard of questions and thoughts rushed through my head and heart.
Suddenly it struck me - Life is NOT about the "but what abouts" or the "I just need tos". Life is about Christ. It's about breathing Him and loving Him, seeking Him, being for Him and with Him. (Who will I marry? When? But I haven't had time to meet him yet. What if I miss my chance? When will I finish school? What's next? What about internship? Where will I go? What about kids?) in the grand scheme of things these selfish thoughts are so foolish and they often get us stuck in a place we might never escape - a place of settling and refusing to look beyond the call- a place where the potential risk and adventure that lies right before us but we're so blinded, we refuse to see. Sometimes we just need to jump out of the boat onto the water and though we don't belong on the substance, we trust that He who called us to do such a thing will come through- He'll be there. No more of this toe dipping silliness. We need to get drenched!
If He called me - my longing is to answer as I step forward with a resounding, abandonded, without question YES!
All I can think of is a verse I wrote to the tune of 'My Jesus I Love Thee':
"With all things uncertain,
My life in Your hands...
The path that You've woven,
I choose to ascend.
My Jesus you chose me,
You called on - my name.
And now I will follow...
In joy or in pain!"
"You were made for God and God alone - to be devoured by Him completely."
Now in order for this to happen it takes a whole lot of surrender and a whole lack of self - a pure, raw heart desire, a childlike faith to march forward in complete trust toward One who loves us enough to devour us so completely, we lose ourselves to find Him.
Partnered with this thought comes an observation of our devotional time. Someone posed the question to our group, " If Christ came tonight and said, 'I'm taking you home. Come!' How would you respond? Would you say, 'No Lord! Not yet! You can't be finished with me yet - I need to help so and so with this and that...' - or would you just go?"
Immediately my heart pounded hard against my chest as a blizzard of questions and thoughts rushed through my head and heart.
Suddenly it struck me - Life is NOT about the "but what abouts" or the "I just need tos". Life is about Christ. It's about breathing Him and loving Him, seeking Him, being for Him and with Him. (Who will I marry? When? But I haven't had time to meet him yet. What if I miss my chance? When will I finish school? What's next? What about internship? Where will I go? What about kids?) in the grand scheme of things these selfish thoughts are so foolish and they often get us stuck in a place we might never escape - a place of settling and refusing to look beyond the call- a place where the potential risk and adventure that lies right before us but we're so blinded, we refuse to see. Sometimes we just need to jump out of the boat onto the water and though we don't belong on the substance, we trust that He who called us to do such a thing will come through- He'll be there. No more of this toe dipping silliness. We need to get drenched!
If He called me - my longing is to answer as I step forward with a resounding, abandonded, without question YES!
All I can think of is a verse I wrote to the tune of 'My Jesus I Love Thee':
"With all things uncertain,
My life in Your hands...
The path that You've woven,
I choose to ascend.
My Jesus you chose me,
You called on - my name.
And now I will follow...
In joy or in pain!"
Friday, August 22, 2008
date days
It's been nearly a year now since I began my regular practice of stealing away once a month for a special date day with the Lord. Traveling on a summer team this summer had proved to make such practices interesting. However, at our last camp I was fortunate to steal away for awhile to be and rest in the presence of the Lord and His love.
Thankfully it was a beautiful day. I felt blessed that our date day was the only sunshiny day all week at camp. The rest were dreary and foggy/rainy. My heart is delighted by One - it has been captured and fashioned by the King of Kings.
Thankfully it was a beautiful day. I felt blessed that our date day was the only sunshiny day all week at camp. The rest were dreary and foggy/rainy. My heart is delighted by One - it has been captured and fashioned by the King of Kings.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
God's intimate love
(This quote struck my heart this week: I've chosen to partner it with a photo I captured in Nova Scotia recently.)
"An infinite God can give Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." -A.W. Tozer
"An infinite God can give Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." -A.W. Tozer
reality check with a little something to chew on
My final week of camp...
I was excited and sad to acknowledge my summer of traveling adventures was coming to a close. It would have been easy to allow exhaustion to consume me and the negativity of the campers to overwhelm me, but I stood firm and pressed atleast 3/4 heartedly.
Then it hit me - one of my campers looked at me and said "So you've been doing this all summer. You must be so tired of going to camps. I bet you don't like this camp. I don't mean anything to you anyway. Especially if you've done this all summer! You're just going to leave and not remember me."
WAHBAM! My heart wrenched for this girl who thought there was no way I could possibly care for her - who thought she was only valuable to be a number in my life or worse yet was just part of my "job". Quite shaken and awakened by this thought, I gulped took a deep breath and responded in love the best way I knew how: " You are not just another camper. I will remember you. I remember every camper I have had this summer by name and I know each one of their stories." "Well prove it!" "Okay...here goes..." and I proceeded to list off camps and my girls and a little blurb about their stories. The more names I gave the more this camper's heart began to soften. "So I guess you really might just love me then? You won't forget me?"
Immediately her face came alive and she realized she had value in my eyes. Instantly we became friends and the rest of the week I was blessed to have conversation after conversation with her about life, love, relationships, writing, being a Christian in tough circumstances and just laughing and appreciating her personality and how uniquely the Lord has made her. Aisha reminded us that "You were created to be an original, don't die a copy."
It's sad how often we have to judge and assume things about the motives of people around it. Sure it makes perfect sense. Time and time again I have been befriended or invested into for some self gain of another person- for their benefit and quite honestly it hurts a lot. We all long for love, yet we struggle to accept it. How awful it is that we in our selfishness and drive to satisfy personal needs have pushed aside relationship for something far less significant: just another person who was needed for a season or a task or something like that.
It is my desire to love freely without an agenda. Lord help me!
I was excited and sad to acknowledge my summer of traveling adventures was coming to a close. It would have been easy to allow exhaustion to consume me and the negativity of the campers to overwhelm me, but I stood firm and pressed atleast 3/4 heartedly.
Then it hit me - one of my campers looked at me and said "So you've been doing this all summer. You must be so tired of going to camps. I bet you don't like this camp. I don't mean anything to you anyway. Especially if you've done this all summer! You're just going to leave and not remember me."
WAHBAM! My heart wrenched for this girl who thought there was no way I could possibly care for her - who thought she was only valuable to be a number in my life or worse yet was just part of my "job". Quite shaken and awakened by this thought, I gulped took a deep breath and responded in love the best way I knew how: " You are not just another camper. I will remember you. I remember every camper I have had this summer by name and I know each one of their stories." "Well prove it!" "Okay...here goes..." and I proceeded to list off camps and my girls and a little blurb about their stories. The more names I gave the more this camper's heart began to soften. "So I guess you really might just love me then? You won't forget me?"
Immediately her face came alive and she realized she had value in my eyes. Instantly we became friends and the rest of the week I was blessed to have conversation after conversation with her about life, love, relationships, writing, being a Christian in tough circumstances and just laughing and appreciating her personality and how uniquely the Lord has made her. Aisha reminded us that "You were created to be an original, don't die a copy."
It's sad how often we have to judge and assume things about the motives of people around it. Sure it makes perfect sense. Time and time again I have been befriended or invested into for some self gain of another person- for their benefit and quite honestly it hurts a lot. We all long for love, yet we struggle to accept it. How awful it is that we in our selfishness and drive to satisfy personal needs have pushed aside relationship for something far less significant: just another person who was needed for a season or a task or something like that.
It is my desire to love freely without an agenda. Lord help me!
my life as a comic strip...
would be quite an interesting read I'm sure.
Our last week at camp soared by. I blinked and Monday became Wednesday which soon morphed into Saturday and poof I was headed back to campus for a week of corps camp.
It was a week of battle.
Getting lost for 2 hours trying to find the camp in the first place had placed a little sour taste in my heart about the camp in general, but after laying aside my selfishness and remembering it's not about me, I pressed on, only to hit another wall: my campers.
Our first impression went something like this: I walked into a giant room with 9 middle school girls (who I thought were all in highschool). Primping hair and chatting together their eyes all looked at us casting their first assumptions. "Who are you? Oh great they gave us a couple of newbies. I've never had a newbie counselor before. What's up with that?" Then they were off again to their gossiping about who was dating who and who they didn't like that week, etc. It was heart wrenching and very irritating.
Looking at these broken, weary, oppressed, confused little hearts I wondered, "Lord why are we here?" I didn't like thinking this and it was the first time such a thought has crossed my mind all summer. Selfishness and stubbornness were like a cloud of darts zinging through the air all week. It was ridiculous - everyone was labeled and if you weren't "it" you were being talked about.
I began to pray for my campers and we saw some progress throughout the week.
Our last week at camp soared by. I blinked and Monday became Wednesday which soon morphed into Saturday and poof I was headed back to campus for a week of corps camp.
It was a week of battle.
Getting lost for 2 hours trying to find the camp in the first place had placed a little sour taste in my heart about the camp in general, but after laying aside my selfishness and remembering it's not about me, I pressed on, only to hit another wall: my campers.
Our first impression went something like this: I walked into a giant room with 9 middle school girls (who I thought were all in highschool). Primping hair and chatting together their eyes all looked at us casting their first assumptions. "Who are you? Oh great they gave us a couple of newbies. I've never had a newbie counselor before. What's up with that?" Then they were off again to their gossiping about who was dating who and who they didn't like that week, etc. It was heart wrenching and very irritating.
Looking at these broken, weary, oppressed, confused little hearts I wondered, "Lord why are we here?" I didn't like thinking this and it was the first time such a thought has crossed my mind all summer. Selfishness and stubbornness were like a cloud of darts zinging through the air all week. It was ridiculous - everyone was labeled and if you weren't "it" you were being talked about.
I began to pray for my campers and we saw some progress throughout the week.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
delight
"Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill...
Where Your blood was spilled...
For my ransom.
Everything I once held dear...
I count it all as loss..
So lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me
Lead me to the cross..."
Looking back over the last 2 weeks the one key thing I could possibly pull from all the experiences is the idea of delighting in Christ, amazement, awestruck, befuddled, baffled, something along those lines...completely astounded.
The Lord has brought recklessness to my heart and with it a beautiful joy and fearlessness despite all the unknown and the fleshly desire to know what's next.
I have been blessed with the smiles and gentlesness of one whose heart is to be treasured. The company of one who is seeking and hungry - who has sharpened me and whom God has allowed me to find delight in- one who bares His image.
Laughter, transparency, genuineness - I love it.
The unexpected has entered my life these last two weeks and taken my comfortable plan and self and turned it all upside down. Oh the wonders and joys of serving a God whose ways are always higher than ours. Just when we think we have it all figured out, going well, and we're content, He says alright, time for the next step.
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill...
Where Your blood was spilled...
For my ransom.
Everything I once held dear...
I count it all as loss..
So lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me
Lead me to the cross..."
Looking back over the last 2 weeks the one key thing I could possibly pull from all the experiences is the idea of delighting in Christ, amazement, awestruck, befuddled, baffled, something along those lines...completely astounded.
The Lord has brought recklessness to my heart and with it a beautiful joy and fearlessness despite all the unknown and the fleshly desire to know what's next.
I have been blessed with the smiles and gentlesness of one whose heart is to be treasured. The company of one who is seeking and hungry - who has sharpened me and whom God has allowed me to find delight in- one who bares His image.
Laughter, transparency, genuineness - I love it.
The unexpected has entered my life these last two weeks and taken my comfortable plan and self and turned it all upside down. Oh the wonders and joys of serving a God whose ways are always higher than ours. Just when we think we have it all figured out, going well, and we're content, He says alright, time for the next step.
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