reality check with a little something to chew on

My final week of camp...
I was excited and sad to acknowledge my summer of traveling adventures was coming to a close. It would have been easy to allow exhaustion to consume me and the negativity of the campers to overwhelm me, but I stood firm and pressed atleast 3/4 heartedly.
Then it hit me - one of my campers looked at me and said "So you've been doing this all summer. You must be so tired of going to camps. I bet you don't like this camp. I don't mean anything to you anyway. Especially if you've done this all summer! You're just going to leave and not remember me."

WAHBAM! My heart wrenched for this girl who thought there was no way I could possibly care for her - who thought she was only valuable to be a number in my life or worse yet was just part of my "job". Quite shaken and awakened by this thought, I gulped took a deep breath and responded in love the best way I knew how: " You are not just another camper. I will remember you. I remember every camper I have had this summer by name and I know each one of their stories." "Well prove it!" "Okay...here goes..." and I proceeded to list off camps and my girls and a little blurb about their stories. The more names I gave the more this camper's heart began to soften. "So I guess you really might just love me then? You won't forget me?"

Immediately her face came alive and she realized she had value in my eyes. Instantly we became friends and the rest of the week I was blessed to have conversation after conversation with her about life, love, relationships, writing, being a Christian in tough circumstances and just laughing and appreciating her personality and how uniquely the Lord has made her. Aisha reminded us that "You were created to be an original, don't die a copy."

It's sad how often we have to judge and assume things about the motives of people around it. Sure it makes perfect sense. Time and time again I have been befriended or invested into for some self gain of another person- for their benefit and quite honestly it hurts a lot. We all long for love, yet we struggle to accept it. How awful it is that we in our selfishness and drive to satisfy personal needs have pushed aside relationship for something far less significant: just another person who was needed for a season or a task or something like that.

It is my desire to love freely without an agenda. Lord help me!