hurricane bombardment

I feel like the last few days have been filled with a hurricane of hardcore questions, directly routed toward me about my life. Person after person has asked me: “So what exactly are you doing?” and “Where are you going to do your Master’s? How come you don’t know yet?” as well as, “When are you going to be doing real counseling? What exactly is your internship all about?” When I put this together with how bombarded I was with questions and expectant ears tuned for answers I did not have, I was emotionally a little overwhelmed and irritated.

Seriously! Why do people EXPECT me to have my life all figured out? It’s like they all sit here hovering over my life waiting for me to produce some glorious 12-step program I’m working diligently through – complete with financial updates, perspective job opportunities, a timeline for getting married and starting my family – and where I plan on being “firmly” established ten years down the road, all so they can sit comfortably on their sofas at night soaking in their favorite weekly sitcom and a bag of potato chips.

I think the Lord places people like this in our lives to pester us to a point of recognition – a place where we see we don’t have everything together or figured out. This is important because it is at this point that we see all we are required to do is to surrender control to the Lord, open our arms and hearts wide for His instruction, and allow Him to pilot our lives. We’re called to fly free in His will!

The logic behind this mentality is fairly reasonable and to be expected in society today. However, I must admit, I have no clue what I’m doing next; let alone what I’m doing now. Every morning I wake up, find air in my lungs and approach the day with open arms – right now, that’s good enough for me, I don’t want it to be any other way. Funny as it may be, this 12-step program I’m supposed to produce with the blueprints of my life – I no longer carry the rights to.

Roughly five years ago I surrendered complete control of every hope, dream, desire, and relationship in my life to the Lord. I handed over the title and deed of my life as well as my side notes of plans I made for myself and let the greatest Carpenter set to work in my life. I look back on this moment, a hinge point moment in my life testimony, with a big ol’ smile, a joyful heart, and curious expectancy, but I think others look at me like I have six eyeballs or something.

I think the only thing I can do in this situation is laugh and continue turning my face and steps toward Christ. I don’t even know for sure if I’ve made it past step one yet, and people already want me to know what step twelve is. They have seriously got to be joking – no other logical explanation of such a bizarre, demanding request would make sense, and this is why I thank the Lord for only taking me day by day – if He gave me all twelve steps at once, I know I would without a second though plot and plan my way to the end.

This is important for me to recognize because my journey has just begun – He’s not finished with me yet and such hope and adventure lay in the valleys and mountaintops to come. If I saw the places He plans on taking me ahead of time, I’d perhaps be tempted to turn back, or to reroute my travels. Come muck or grime, rain or shine, rocks or sand, deserts or wetlands – I’m in this for life. It’s time to push forward on the trail – I’ve got a lot of ground to cover!

So what if I never have a pretty piece of embossed paper hanging on my wall that shows people I’d educated enough to “counsel” them?! I’ve got the powerful teaching of the Holy Spirit pumping through my veins deep into my soul that empowers me far more than any number of classes or seminars ever could. I understand the necessity of these things, as well as the discipline, and I also know and trust this is where the Lord has currently stationed me – but regardless of the questions, the demands and requests of others – I live to follow and please only One – Christ Jesus my Lord, Savior, and Lover!

In the future I will continue to rest in this truth – that I serve a God who “heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds – Who counts the stars and assigns each one a name – Who is great and limitless in strength – and I will never be able to comprehend what He knows and does” (Psalm 147:3-5). So why bother planning a twelve step program when I’m following the leading of the One whose thoughts and actions I can, and never will be able to comprehend? Who knew this would be a day of much thinking, surrender, and battling the demands of man!