c h u r c h

My perception of the ‘church’ has been shifting, changing, sorting, and refining itself over the last four years – so much so that I have grown to appreciate not the rules, structure, and typical happenings of a service, but rather the fellowship and building up of the body of believers. This concept of “being the church” rather than “doing” church has really soaked into my heart and affirmed, built up, and disciplined me in my personal walk with Christ.

I was having a conversation with my aunt the other day where she reminded me that the church was never meant to be this trapped, exclusive, thing that we do – rather, the church is supposed to be a living, breathing, growing, alive, and thriving organism. The “church” is Christ alive and at work in our hearts – using us as His vessels – by the power of the Holy Spirit to draw all men unto Himself. I related this to the principle we see in John 4:23, “the true worshipers will worship in spirit and in truth”.

This is a fully-engaged, holistic experience of worship. To worship in spirit and truth is to have an encounter with the LIVING God that changes and transforms us as His church, His bride – a living, breathing, growing, alive, and thriving organism by His power. When I put this together with that I have experienced over the last few months in attending a local weekly gathering of Jesus loving, worshipers – or to give it a more formal title like people in society today prefer, a “house church” – I am blown away by the blessings I have seen come about through the growth, stretching, and deepening relationships with the Father – as this living, breathing, alive, organism.

We are the body of Christ – we are not a denomination – a building – or even a specific discipline of rules and theological standpoints. We are simply His children, hungering after Him and the things of Him – as we journey along His pathway for our lives waiting for the moment He will show us what is next – or which way to turn. This is important because when I ended a relationship of about two years – nearly two years ago (strangely enough), the ‘church’ I was attending at the time was not overly supportive of me – in fact, I have never felt such strong rejection in my life. It was a tough thing for me to swallow for a long while. You see, the church was the very ‘place’ I was supposed to be able to go when I needed help.

The logic behind this is simple to dissect – it was merely a place – a building – a shelter – a refuge – and really when it came to it, it was none of these things for me. However, through this last season of growth and discovery in my life, I have found that I can go to members of the body of Christ when there is a need, and they in turn can come to me. Just as our physical bodies, when we have an injury – the other members, or parts of the body compensate for the weak member by bringing rest, or bearing some of the load this member would typically have to carry.

The beauty in this is when we walk, live, breathe, and function as the body of Christ, rather than an organization or building, a place – we recognize more easily and fully that we never walk alone – and that we cannot walk alone. We need Christ to enable us to walk, and His Spirit to guide us – we simple need to be willing vessels and honestly, some days it is much easier to be a willing vessel when we have a supportive body behind us.

yea He loves us...o how He loves us!!!!!!

This song has ministered deeply to my heart over the last couple of months. I decided to get brave with my piano practicing and have plunked on the chords enough to worship with this song in my house in Georgia - but this afternoon I was reminded of this link a beloved brother of mine sent to me just before I headed south for my internship. As I listened to it, tears filled my eyes - beautiful, sweet, cleansing, tears of freedom and peace! I was overcome with the Holy Spirit's peace --- and felt the Lord lavish His love upon me.

I pray the Lord will minister to your hearts through the powerful truth of this song! Think about what this really means! HE LOVES US...O HOW HE LOVES Us! I cannot even begin to think about His love without weeping. What a marvelous, gracious, loving, powerful, mighty, amazing, intimate God we serve! My words cannot even begin to capture Who He is...but I am so thankful for His love! He Himself is Love!

packing

Here I sit...as I always do before a trip (or move) - contemplating the task of packing. One of my greatest weaknesses is preparing to pack. I get anxious - excited even or nervous before going on trips or moving to a new place - and therefore, I sort've shut down - I become this slow moving, packer...semi-unmotivated, and a little intimidated. Most times I end up sleeping very little - for whatever reason I have a hard time getting myself to rest, let alone to actually pack before going on trips. On occasion it frustrates me and I "hate" packing. Sometimes it annoys me and I "don't feel like packing" and other times I'm so excited "I don't even want to think about packing" -- but pack I must. (darn!)

I find it fun how the Lord confronts us in our weakness. I know for me - it's pretty comical how MUCH I've had to pack over the last 3 weeks...and if we look at the bigger picture, the last 3 years. For someone who goes a lot of places, fairly often, you'd think I'd have this whole packing thing down to a science, right? Nah. I said it was a weakness remember! I stink at packing. (really) Until of course I get in the groove of things - then I'm a 10 minute packer (extremely efficient)!!!! (IMAGINE!!) My biggest problem is the hours it takes to get me to the point in time where I actually take those 10 minutes and get the job done. What a chore it is sometimes!

I sense the Lord is preparing me, even now - for a life of packing, moving, shifting, changing, and all the while resting in Him. I've recently felt like every time I get "settled in" He uproots me again. I've moved three times so far in my less than three months of internship - and each time has been an adventure. I suppose there's nothing better - and I could not ask for more than a life of security that lays only in the moving of the Spirit - to and from - here and there - near and far. Truly my soul's been anchored in the Lord...not a room, nor a house, nor a town, nor a job, or resting place...only Him - and honestly, that's enough.

"What do I have if I don't have You Jesus...what in this life could mean anymore? You are my Rock, You are my Glory, You are the Lifter of my head..."

changing lanes

It was Friday night - about 9:30 pm.
I was on my way back to the Hephzibah campus after returning some e-mails and enjoying a nice cup of Chai tea at a local cafe, Joshua Cup in downtown Macon. The streets were extremely dark - minus the glow of nearby street lights and the occasional glimmers from the traffic lights of red, yellow, and green kissing the moist Georgia pavement. Checking my mirrors to be aware of my surroundings, I noticed a dark, unlit vehicle behind me. "Hum - looks like a cop is behind me" I thought.

Exchanging a few words with my friend Sarah over the phone - I paid no attention to the car following close behind me. I didn't consider how it had just appeared out of no where, or why its lights were so low and dim. Passing through my second traffic light with only two lanes to choose from, I headed down a small hill - just prior to a bridge area. With darkness creeping in all around me - the white painted lines of the now 4 lane choices screamed at me. My lane was suddenly divided by white paint, forcing me to choose right or left.

Not wanting to detour on the highway this particular night, I quickly shifted to the right a bit, unsuccessfully avoiding a small bump in the road and managed to get myself safely in a straight lane of traffic. That's when I saw it. Blue lights were roaring behind me, scolding my Jeep to pull over. Not sure what I had done wrong, I quickly signaled, hung up the phone, and pulled to the side of the bridge. In my mind rung a thousand possibilities, scenarios, and questions.

"Speed?" No I was doing atleast 5 under the speed limit because the roads were dark and I was on the phone.
"Vehicle maintenance?" Hum...maybe, but last I checked everything was good and up to date.
"Stop lights?" Nope. Pretty sure they were flaming green before I even touched the gas pedal.
"Creeper cops pulling over helpless women on dark bridges late at night?" Not wanting to dwell on this possibility, I rolled my window up so it remained open only about 1/4 of the way and locked my doors.

Hands in my lap I waited for this mystery cop to appear. Flashlight in hand, the cop approached my window. "Mam, do you know why I've pulled you over?" "No sir. Actually, I don't." Motioning with his hands, he pointed back to the lane shifting area - back there Mam, you were (he then swiveled his hand like he was swimming in the air or something to show me what I'd apparently done). "Oh I'm sorry Sir" I replied, "I'm new to the area. I've only lived down here a few months now and I saw the lanes change real quick and wanted to make sure I didn't end up on the highway."

Putting his flashlight near my face he asked, "Have you had anything to drink tonight Mam?" "Just tea Sir!" I replied with a smile. "Just tea, huh? Well be careful then." He retreated back to his cruiser and let me go.

As soon as my window was up, my vehicle in a safe lane, and my phone dialing home - I burst into laughter.I could hardly control myself as I unfolded the tale to my Mom over the phone.

The very idea of him even thinking I could be drunk made me chuckle - I've never had a drink in my life - and about the only thing I could logically say I've ever been 'drunk' in is the Holy Spirit. Oh the situations that make our days unique! Praise the Lord for laughter - and safety in 'changing lanes'! Internship sure if full of random happenings!

a glance back at camp pathway

*These were some of the moments captured by my supervisor's camera during camp.
Events include the All-Star Kickball game for counselors -- where I accidentally busted the kickball from kicking it too hard -- and earned a home run. This was complimented by a nice pie in the face from one of my campers and some crab soccer in the gym on scooters -- that certainly worked the leg muscles! She also documented the beautiful smiling faces of most of our camp staff -- how I miss them!

a great big mystery

I love the adventure to be found in not knowing what lies around the corner in our life’s journey with the Lord. The twists, the curves – the unexpected rest stops – the detours – the flat tires – the friendships – the sight seeing – the sweat – the heartache – the stretching – the breaking – the freedom – the new life – the goodbyes and hellos – the fellowship – the learning – the thinking – the breathing – the knowing – are all part of our dance with the King down the pathway He has fashioned especially for our lives.

It seems I am always asking the Lord, “God, what is your purpose in this? What is your purpose for me?” Each time, He patiently, lovingly responds, “Beloved, I know the plans I have for you” or “rest beloved”. Oftentimes the Word reminds me of His promises, “strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord” and “trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding” as well as “guard your heart beloved above all else for it determines the course of your life”. Over time have I come to notice that each time I question the Lord in this regard be it verbally, in my mind, in prayer, or in conversation with others – He always affirms what He is doing in my life at this very moment – for His very purposes, in some way.

Perhaps some would think this coincidence – I consider it divine and purposeful – but I was in the office after lunch today walking by my supervisor’s bulletin board for the umpteenth time this summer only this time I was fixated on two small cards attached to this board. I could not possibly begin to measure the number of times I have looked at this board and passed it by without a second thought, yet today something caught my attention as I began to read: WHERE GOD GUIDES HE PROVIDES. “No way,” I thought to myself. Then I read the Scripture reference attached to the rest of the card and my heart was moved, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…when you go through rivers of difficulty you will not be swept away…when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned up…For I am the Lord your God…you are precious in my sight…and I love you” (Isaiah 43:2-4)

Over the last week God has spoken this promise to my heart over and over and over again. He has been recalling the truth of this passage to my mind and heart from a season not too long ago at Bethany. A sense of His peace washed over me as my eyes danced to the font on the next card: Trust-in HIS timing, Rely-on HIS promises, Wait-for HIS answers, Believe-in HIS miracles, Rejoice-in HIS goodness, Relax-in HIS presence. Likewise this was attached to a verse from James 4:8, “Come near to God and He will come near to you”. (SIGH) Great is His faithfulness!

I was emotionally overcome as I read these truths, and am once again as I write them here. I think sometimes we get ahead of ourselves when it comes to waiting, resting, timing, believing, and even rejoicing. I know I do – I want everything I do in my life to honor God and His plans/purposes for my life – and I want sooooo much to just KNOW what He’s going to do next – sometimes I hinder myself from resting in the now – from just being in His presence and waiting for Him to say, “Okay Christy. It’s time to go. Let’s move out, alright. Come beloved, and I will show you what’s next”.

To be honest, sometimes when God says this to me in my life, He’s holding my hand and walking me graciously, patiently along this pathway of my life, and I want to run up ahead to see where we’re going. Sometimes He lets me too, perhaps for sheer fun and to remind me to wait for Him – it’s safest to walk this trail holding His hand. Usually in these moments I’m running forward and looking back so intently, my feet catch unexpected roots and my face kisses unexpected dirt before I can even think twice about slowing down.

This is important because if I wait on Him, and hold His hand for the journey, He is always faithful to guide me through those unexpected roots, and to lift me up and away from those moments of meeting the dirt face to face in my life. The thing is – I just have to wait, and it’s so stinkin’ hard sometimes! Oooh, but there is nothing quite as sweet as journeying with Him! Nothing is quite so adventurous – so free – so purposeful and fulfilling! In the future I will continue to try my best in waiting for Him – I will continue to saturate my heart with the promises and Truth of the Word so I will be reminded to wait for His hand to take me to the next stop on the trail – after all, “the joy is in the journey”.

beautiful differences

What do you get when you combine a 300 lb. redneck Texan woman, a sarcastic German lady in her late seventies, a middle-aged black woman with a healthy sense of self-awareness and humor, and a young adult college student interning in a foreign place? Let’s find out! I’m rather certain there are many possible answers to this question, many theories which could be developed, tested, and eventually proven wrong, or maybe even half right. The key is truly “seeing” what is present to be seen – to look beyond the surface to find understanding.

From the outside one may observe a whole lot of laughter, a strange mix of friendship, or perhaps sheer coincidence. They may recognize a constant, free flowing conversation – an effortless joy that streams across the table as each person offers their thoughts on the matter at hand. Clown faces may compliment what is being said or surprised expressions if you stick around long enough to explore the situation.

Needless to say, I realized after experiencing this Monday at lunch, what you truly get when you combine all these various personalities together is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. I noticed a snapshot of God’s creative hand at work in designing His children with a unique purpose – fashioning them with a unique appearance, way of thinking, and even special laughs. Sometimes this is difficult to appreciate! Sometimes it takes work to realize not everyone acts, thinks, functions, or operates the same way we were created to.

Each of these ladies was completely different. In fact to declare us all polar opposites would be a fair and legitimate statement. This is shown through appearance, life experiences, level of education, speech, relationship status – everything. Yet somehow, the one thing we all hold in common strung us together like a beautiful display of ornaments on a Christmas tree – our love for Christ. We are all, in spite of our differences, our strengths, weaknesses, experiences, and appearances, part of one body – the body of Christ. We are all daughters of the King – and that alone is a beautiful thing! That alone is what allows us to freely fellowship!

When I put this together with what Scripture promises will happen one day when we all get to Heaven, my heart rejoices and delights in these moments, these small snapshots of what Heaven will be like – interacting with all sorts of people – unified as one before the Lord – and I smile.

It seems in our world today so many people fight for their rights to be different – and not many people take a stand to be united and recognized as “one” – even Christians. Everyone somehow wants their own glory and recognition – as their own person. The Bible tells us time and time again we are not our own – we belong to One who is Great in power, might and strength! I believe it is our differences that strengthen our “oneness” and allow us to grow stronger with a common purpose – a common intention – determination – and motivation.

The Lord uses the strengths of other members of the Body to compliment and balance out our weaknesses. Likewise He uses the strengths He has knit within us to balance and compliment the weaknesses of those around us so we can grow in Him – for His glory. Perhaps it is the hope of what is to come that makes me smile most. The Bible tells us that “one day every knee will bow in Heaven, and on earth, and under the earth and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2). In the future I will continue to ask the Lord to show me, with His eyes, His beauty in diverse interactions – and I will embrace opportunities that are to come – where I may meet and grow with others in the Body of Christ!

I'd encourage you to take a look at the people around you today - let the Lord show you how these people could be, if they served Him - and celebrate the beauty of recognizing Christ and His purposes inside of those who do serve Him!

adjusting

Camp is finished.
Counselors have gone home.
Kiddos are in school.
Hephzibah seems rather quiet.
It's a season of adjusting - from GO GO GO to...go go going in a different kind of way.

Sometimes its lonely.
Sometimes its empty.
Sometimes I'm curious of the purpose...
Then I'm reminded of God's great love.
His favor.
His plans.
His purposes.
His intentions.
His promises.
His faithfulness.

Regardless of how it may SEEM...I must remember I NEVER walk alone.
Sure I get bumps, scratches, bruises, and sometimes pulled muscles along the way...but He is always right beside me. He carries me, breathes life into me, supports me, and ultimately...how He loves me so.

In spite of all the craziness about me...the Love of the Lord endures.
I'm reminded of a verse from one of my favorite hymns...
"His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood - When all around my soul gives way...He then is all my hope and stay."

My heart is open...my life is His.
What is to come? I have no idea...but I'll try my best to rest.
I will wait upon the Lord and trust - just as His word promises...Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord (Isaiah 40:28-31).

brothers and sisters

(Elizabeth, Harley, me and Sutton)
Friday I had two sweet moments I simply cannot neglect to document in some form and share – for I wish the way my heart was blessed by these small, sweet moments, to be shared with anyone willing to take a moment to remember with me. I was on the soccer field with my Group #1 little girlies playing a tag game. It was sweltering hot outside (welcome to Georgia), but the sunshine was beautiful as it penetrated our skin and a soft summer breeze kissed our sweaty cheeks. Laughter filled the air and smiles and protests arose as a result of everyone’s progress in the game.

“Miss Christy! My head is SO hot and sweaty!” Sutton said to me with a great look of disgust and irritation. Her expression made me chuckle as I promised to fix this little problem for her. Asking her for her hair bow, I made a giant messy bun on the top of her head. Little ringlets formed around her face and fell from the sweat and moisture in the air making her an adorable little sight to see. Reflecting on this moment I realize how good kids are at loving ‘unconditionally’ – for even though it was sweltering, sticky, sweaty, and just plain ol’ HOT outside, Sutton and Jordan wanted to snuggle close in my lap. This extra body head did not help my desire to cool down – but my heart felt free and bubbling over with the love of Jesus for these little girls.

As we prepared to head inside for our next activity of the day, Sutton and Jordan took my hands and we began to skip inside. Glancing up at me with a thoughtful, loving glance Sutton said, “I wish you were my mom Miss Christy!” I will admit, I am extremely excited about being a mom some day to a beautiful, loving little one like this, but my mind also flashed with the reality of needing to assure Sutton that she is exactly where she needs to be. I noticed she was excited as she shared this and very serious too, so I did not question her, but rather decided to remind her of how much her mom and dad love her. This is important because Sutton is adopted (something I recently discovered), so the fact that anyone would ever wish to give up such a precious little girl like this one baffles me.

My response was one, I believe of hope and truth. Thanking her for being so sweet, I said, “Sutton you already have a really nice mommy, remember you introduced us? And your daddy too Sutton, he is really nice too!” “Yea, I know Miss Christy, but I wish you were my mom”. She stopped talking after this for a second and recognizing she really meant what she was saying, my heart was moved and the Lord reminded me that this little girl loves me because we are part of the same family, we are both part of the body of Christ – sisters in the Lord. I believe Sutton needed to know this, so I told her, “Well Sutton, you know what is really cool? We’re sisters Sutton! Did you know that? I think that is way better than be being your mom, and since you already have a nice mom – it is pretty awesome that we are sisters. You know? Jordan is our sister too! If we love Jesus and follow His ways, the Bible tells us that we are all part of the same family – and this means we are sisters!”


(me, Madison & Jordan)
“Really? We are sisters?” Sutton inquired. Jordan piped up, “Yea we might not be blood related, but in Heaven we will all become sisters and family.” “God created the Heavens and the earth” Sutton informed me matter of factly. My heart smiled deeply as these two little sisters of mine began to recite truth from the Word God has already (at the age of six) written on their hearts – truth that is definitive and important, as well as applicable to them right now in life and will continue to be as they grow and experience life on newer, deeper, more challenging levels.


(me and Madison)

The second instance was also quite beautiful and sweet. I was in the pavilion with Madison (another six year old sister). She was tugging on my arm and looked rather adamant. “Miss Christy! Miss Christy! I forgot to tell you something!” “You did? Oh no. What do you need to tell me Miss Madison?” “I love you!” she responded throwing her arms around me to give me a hug. My heart melted as I chuckled in response, “Awwh Madison! That is so sweet to say. Thank you. I love you too!”

I realized in this moment that I really do love these kids – not all of them – and some more than others – but in a very unique, special, individual way certain kiddos have wiggled their way into my heart. I wonder if this is a small taste of what it feels like to have a child of your own – to watch them grow and learn things, to teach them and see the fruit of what you have taught, or the influence of how you carry yourself reflected in their lives. I’ve had a beautiful experience with my little campers; I can only imagine what parenthood is like!?!?


(Jake)

(Blake)

(Virginia, me & Elizabeth)