(Reflections from my internship journal last Tuesday)
When I first arrived at the rescue mission I arrived with the assumption that I would be dealing with younger women but have since discovered we mainly receive a broad range of middle-aged women. I assumed this was the typical standard despite the information I have learned along the course of my being involved with the rescue mission about domestic violence. Domestic violence does not discriminate in any way amongst social class, age, race, or income level. It can happen to anyone. Reflecting on my experience today at the mission, I realize the reality of that statement hit me hard – not necessarily even in the heart. I feel like I was punched in the throat with horrifying information I could hardly swallow.
I noticed we had a new lady with us and she appeared to be significantly younger than the other ladies. Her eyes were dark with a story she seemed unwilling to tell, but she was pleasant as the ladies introduced her to me. Her first question was regarding my age. “How old are you?” she inquired. “Oh, I’m 21.” I replied giggling a little. She seemed intrigued as she replied in a dull tone, “I’m 19.” When I put this together with my initial assumption, I could hardly speak, let alone swallow. My mind immediately wandered to a million possibilities and questions of how in the world this girl ever ended up in a mission as a result of domestic violence. Obviously considering the criteria for entrance into the facility – the situation must have been significant and bad for her to be admitted by a DFAX agency to come here in the first place.
Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with myself at this point. I continued talking with the ladies as she retreated to her room – but I felt helpless, shocked, and emotionally overwhelmed. I guess the harsh reality of domestic violence really sunk in for me today. I have been broken for these women on numerous occasions, and every step of progress causes my heart to rejoice and celebrate, but something about her was different, chilling almost. I felt like it hit too close to home – someone my own age – someone on the brink of adulthood, hurting this badly and I couldn’t do a thing about it. This young lady has her whole life ahead of her, and already she has encountered devastation and demolition on the grounds of her heart she never deserved.
I later discovered a little more of her story – which made it all the more horrifying for me to process. Perhaps it was the way she spoke – with fear and annoyance of being at the mission or perhaps it was her expression of frustration and helplessness considering the situation she is currently in that hit me hard. After an evening session with Dr. Kemper I came to understand that she was raised in a home with two alcoholic parents. She left home when she was fourteen and got married to her boyfriend. She’s worked ever since then earning money and making her own way in this world without any adult supervision, support, or guidance.
Their marriage lasted two years, until he cheated on her at the age of sixteen. She explained that “things simply didn’t work out” so I got divorced just before I turned seventeen. As if this wasn’t enough to comprehend and swallow, she added to her story by sharing she has two kids whom she is currently battling for custody over. Her little boy is four, and her little girl is one. Apparently the father of her baby girl is her abuser, and after having her place for two years, she went to stay with him for awhile. He took it upon himself to abuse her several times. DFAX discovering the abuse then sent her to the rescue mission program.
Leaving the mission I spent a solid chunk of time in my Jeep just sitting, listening to worship music and weeping over the day. I was very thankful to attend House of Grace tonight to recharge a bit after such a draining, overwhelming day. I think considering all that took place today made me seriously question whether or not I am skilled enough to be a counselor. I know in my own strength – I am most certainly not – but I even questioned God as to why He would allow me to see things and experience things like this if I was going to feel so helpless in dealing with them. I guess this is where the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9 comes in, “God’s grace is sufficient and in my WEAKNESS, His strength is made perfect”. None of this is about me, but it sure is being used to grow and stretch me, to refine my thinking, my vision, and perspective.
Loving until it hurts...and still loving. I'm still learning. Wow, what a journey!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
the nations
"Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows." - Isaiah 1:17
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted,
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord's favor has come,
and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies."
-Isaiah 61:1-2
"PRAISE THE LORD, ALL YOU NATIONS.
PRAISE HIM, ALL YOU PEOPLE OF THE EARTH.
FOR HE LOVES US WITH UNFAILING LOVE,
THE LORD'S FAITHFULNESS ENDURES FOREVER. PRAISE THE LORD!" -Psalm 117
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows." - Isaiah 1:17
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted,
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord's favor has come,
and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies."
-Isaiah 61:1-2
"PRAISE THE LORD, ALL YOU NATIONS.
PRAISE HIM, ALL YOU PEOPLE OF THE EARTH.
FOR HE LOVES US WITH UNFAILING LOVE,
THE LORD'S FAITHFULNESS ENDURES FOREVER. PRAISE THE LORD!" -Psalm 117
carving mr. pumpkin
Last Sunday I decided it was time to carve my lovely pumpkin -- doing so without my sisters joining me was a bit of a stretch -- and I nearly burned the house down in the process when I forgot my seeds were in the oven for an hour. Essentially, on basic terms, the project was a fail - but I enjoyed myself and was able to find it rather therapeutic and relaxing in comparison to a crazy, hectic weekend. Here's a photo documentation of the event.
Step 1: getting the top off,, after carefully slicing a circle around the step.
PUMPKIN SEEDS - MY FAVORITE!!
Step 2: Seed removal - this is always the messy - goupy part, but my favorite.
Step 3: Placing the seeds in a bowl so they may be washed & cooked.
I'm pretty excited to have collected all my seeds.
Step 4a: Cutting Mr. Pumpkin some eyes.
Step 4b: and a mouth
Step 5: Setting Mr. Pumpkin aglow!
Remember...every good carved pumpkin lights up with a candle!
Mr. Pumpkin finally makes it outside to his spot on the porch.
We're pretty excited the carving is all finished!
Step 6: Identifying your pumpkin...this is just a fun thing to do!
My sign held by Mr. Pumpkin greets visitors (which we don't usually get!)
A little Georgia sunshine at the end of a beautiful Sunday of rest!
Unfortunately I burned my pumpkin seeds --- better luck next year!
Step 1: getting the top off,, after carefully slicing a circle around the step. 
PUMPKIN SEEDS - MY FAVORITE!!
Step 2: Seed removal - this is always the messy - goupy part, but my favorite.
Step 3: Placing the seeds in a bowl so they may be washed & cooked.
I'm pretty excited to have collected all my seeds.
Step 4a: Cutting Mr. Pumpkin some eyes.
Step 4b: and a mouth
Step 5: Setting Mr. Pumpkin aglow! 
Remember...every good carved pumpkin lights up with a candle!
Mr. Pumpkin finally makes it outside to his spot on the porch.
We're pretty excited the carving is all finished!
Step 6: Identifying your pumpkin...this is just a fun thing to do!
My sign held by Mr. Pumpkin greets visitors (which we don't usually get!)
A little Georgia sunshine at the end of a beautiful Sunday of rest!
Unfortunately I burned my pumpkin seeds --- better luck next year!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
a heart beat
sleeping slowly
wakened boldly
breathing
searching
hoping
waiting
willing
dreaming
praying
praising
dancing
resting
waiting
hoping
waiting
hoping
praying
resting
revelation
praying
praising
hoping
waiting
waiting
waiting
explanation
searching
understanding
waiting
resting
hoping
praying
joying
PEACE!
wakened boldly
breathing
searching
hoping
waiting
willing
dreaming
praying
praising
dancing
resting
waiting
hoping
waiting
hoping
praying
resting
revelation
praying
praising
hoping
waiting
waiting
waiting
explanation
searching
understanding
waiting
resting
hoping
praying
joying
PEACE!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
world race route
Leaving July 1 --- and not entirely sure where I'm going just yet. Our race route is currently a mystery, but we will be receiving clues one by one as the months go on closer and closer to the trip.
Please check out my world race blog: http://christyzbylut.theworldrace.org
There is information about the race - my life and call into missions - and a place to SUPPORT ME!
Please check out my world race blog: http://christyzbylut.theworldrace.org
There is information about the race - my life and call into missions - and a place to SUPPORT ME!
Friday, October 09, 2009
homeless ministry lessons
Last night I had a unique, first time experience available to me by my own initiative – homeless ministry. Downtown on Poplar Street, an area I frequent Tuesday evenings for the young adult meetings I attend, I found myself – not driving by like I usually do, but parking and getting out to spend time hanging out with people.
I was emotionally a little nervous at first – I found myself somewhat reserved and timid – not sure what to do with myself. There appeared to be no one in charge willing to direct me in what to do – so I sort of awkwardly stood around for a few moments observing the people and park area. This is important because over the last several years of being involved in ministry I have always had someone offering me some sort of instruction – a plan of action – an initiative – a task to complete, but not this time. I was with other people, but felt all by myself.
My thought process was warring between “staying” and “leaving”. I had no clue what to do! I smiled at several people and offered greetings when I noticed a homeless woman walking toward me. She approached me, hugged me, and went on her way. All I could think, was why didn’t I think to hug these people. Here I am, “coming to bless the homeless” and they came more ready and equipped to love on me, than I was to love on them.
This reminded me that with my soon approach mission adventure, I will need to take more initiative in sharing about Christ with others – honestly, I find the idea very terrifying – but we serve a powerful God, and should be terrified of Him – but I think we should be more terrified of not sharing about Him, than of making ourselves UNCOMFORTABLE (there’s that word again) for His glory and purposes!
Several volunteers were cooking hotdogs or talking amongst themselves, but my attention was drawn to the people gathering to share in this meal – those dressed in mismatching clothes, several tote bags or Wal-Mart bags in tow. These people were the ones I’d come to see. I assumed I could come to this outreach night, give some homeless people food and leave – but the longer I stood there not sure what to do, the more I realized how humbling this ministry can be. I can do nothing on my own strength – but with Christ all things are possible.
The Lord provided me some blessed opportunities to speak with several of the homeless men – OC, Lonny, Prince, and Louie – and to sing too! Many of them were easy going and grew up in the area. I wondered what it would be like to live in one place your WHOLE life. That concept is so foreign from my mind and bizarre for me to consider due to moving so much - but I can see how this reality could be both a blessing and a curse for a person. Familiarity is always nice and sometimes safe or comforting, but it can also trap us, and cause us to grow so content, we forget there are other options, opportunities, and challenges to embark upon. Sometimes people may forget to dream because they have settled into what ‘they’ve always known’.
I think this first night of homeless ministry, nerves and all, is the beginning of something beautiful in my life, and Lord willing in the lives of countless others I will encounter and minister to/with along the way. I think I’m in for some serious heart change in this next season!
I was emotionally a little nervous at first – I found myself somewhat reserved and timid – not sure what to do with myself. There appeared to be no one in charge willing to direct me in what to do – so I sort of awkwardly stood around for a few moments observing the people and park area. This is important because over the last several years of being involved in ministry I have always had someone offering me some sort of instruction – a plan of action – an initiative – a task to complete, but not this time. I was with other people, but felt all by myself.
My thought process was warring between “staying” and “leaving”. I had no clue what to do! I smiled at several people and offered greetings when I noticed a homeless woman walking toward me. She approached me, hugged me, and went on her way. All I could think, was why didn’t I think to hug these people. Here I am, “coming to bless the homeless” and they came more ready and equipped to love on me, than I was to love on them.
This reminded me that with my soon approach mission adventure, I will need to take more initiative in sharing about Christ with others – honestly, I find the idea very terrifying – but we serve a powerful God, and should be terrified of Him – but I think we should be more terrified of not sharing about Him, than of making ourselves UNCOMFORTABLE (there’s that word again) for His glory and purposes!
Several volunteers were cooking hotdogs or talking amongst themselves, but my attention was drawn to the people gathering to share in this meal – those dressed in mismatching clothes, several tote bags or Wal-Mart bags in tow. These people were the ones I’d come to see. I assumed I could come to this outreach night, give some homeless people food and leave – but the longer I stood there not sure what to do, the more I realized how humbling this ministry can be. I can do nothing on my own strength – but with Christ all things are possible.
The Lord provided me some blessed opportunities to speak with several of the homeless men – OC, Lonny, Prince, and Louie – and to sing too! Many of them were easy going and grew up in the area. I wondered what it would be like to live in one place your WHOLE life. That concept is so foreign from my mind and bizarre for me to consider due to moving so much - but I can see how this reality could be both a blessing and a curse for a person. Familiarity is always nice and sometimes safe or comforting, but it can also trap us, and cause us to grow so content, we forget there are other options, opportunities, and challenges to embark upon. Sometimes people may forget to dream because they have settled into what ‘they’ve always known’.
I think this first night of homeless ministry, nerves and all, is the beginning of something beautiful in my life, and Lord willing in the lives of countless others I will encounter and minister to/with along the way. I think I’m in for some serious heart change in this next season!
what's new - in pictures
Flying an airplane simulator @ the Aviation Museum on Robins Air Force Base.
Our fall 5k debut - Sharilyn, Erin & I after our walking 5k @ Camp Little Shot
The entrance/waiting area at Grace for All Families - I love the lighting and seating arrangements - I feel like I could sit there all day and read good books!
House of Grace located downtown at the "Warehouse"...
on the corner of...you guessed it, Poplar and Fifth streets.
The big historic, cathedral-like wooden doors are perhaps
my favorite part about the warehouse!
Made homemade macaroni & cheese...I was inspired by a southern life magazine.
Beautiful moonlight driving across town on a Saturday night...the moon was gigantic!!
Current construction of a giant movie screen - this is 1/4 of it!
A deer I stopped to take a picture of the other night - talk about a deer in headlights (or camera flash) --- this little one didn't mind my Jeep hovering near by as I snapped this picture - and was literally a hop, skip, and jump away from my house!
Mrs. Debbie & Mr. Jason - two of the houseparents decided to bless us all with caramel apples. These were delicious - made with homemade caramel & white chocolate drizzled over the top - it was a special treat to come home to after a long day.
Bought my 1st pumpkin ever - outside of a pumpkin patch & without my parents. They were $3.98 at Wal-Mart and I've wanted one for weeks now since they've been in the stores. I felt like a little kid digging in the pumpkin bin, looking for just the right one - and I'm pretty sure I had this sheepish, giggly grin on my face as I skipped around the bins and contemplated which one I wanted to pick as mine.
Smiling with my pumpkin --- in a short time this lovely orange heap will be carved and become delicious crispy pumpkin seeds for me!
Our fall 5k debut - Sharilyn, Erin & I after our walking 5k @ Camp Little Shot
The entrance/waiting area at Grace for All Families - I love the lighting and seating arrangements - I feel like I could sit there all day and read good books!
House of Grace located downtown at the "Warehouse"...
on the corner of...you guessed it, Poplar and Fifth streets.
The big historic, cathedral-like wooden doors are perhaps
my favorite part about the warehouse!
Made homemade macaroni & cheese...I was inspired by a southern life magazine.
Beautiful moonlight driving across town on a Saturday night...the moon was gigantic!!
Current construction of a giant movie screen - this is 1/4 of it!
A deer I stopped to take a picture of the other night - talk about a deer in headlights (or camera flash) --- this little one didn't mind my Jeep hovering near by as I snapped this picture - and was literally a hop, skip, and jump away from my house!
Mrs. Debbie & Mr. Jason - two of the houseparents decided to bless us all with caramel apples. These were delicious - made with homemade caramel & white chocolate drizzled over the top - it was a special treat to come home to after a long day.
Bought my 1st pumpkin ever - outside of a pumpkin patch & without my parents. They were $3.98 at Wal-Mart and I've wanted one for weeks now since they've been in the stores. I felt like a little kid digging in the pumpkin bin, looking for just the right one - and I'm pretty sure I had this sheepish, giggly grin on my face as I skipped around the bins and contemplated which one I wanted to pick as mine.
Smiling with my pumpkin --- in a short time this lovely orange heap will be carved and become delicious crispy pumpkin seeds for me!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
emptiness or overflow?
I realized today that when I place my cup in the hands of others - in order to be filled - sometimes I am left feeling more empty than before. We simply cannot be dependent upon other human beings to fill us up with love, encouragement, support, etc. Sure, it's awful nice and appreciated - but when its lacking, if we are solely dependent upon it, we risk suffocating from emptiness.
The only One who can fill my cup overflowing is Christ - through time in His Word, silently waiting before Him, listening, praising, worshiping, resting, hoping, joying - just being with Him. The toughest part about this I think, is that Christ's arms are not necessarily tangible - fleshly arms to wrap around me - His presence is sweet, powerful, overwhelming, and life altering, but why --- why do we long for arms of flesh to comfort us as well?
I haven't been really 'hugged' in months - since I was home last actually.
People have tapped me on the shoulders - or given a nice side hug...but there's something about a hug from someone you love that is unlike anything else.
A couple weekends ago I got a nice, warm embrace of encouragement from a brother I ran into and it lifted my spirits to know I was cared for and supported.
Today I'm fighting --- I'm battling this consuming cold front of emptiness and loneliness that wishes to creep into my heart and blind or distract me from what God is trying to teach me in this time. I need to press on - I need to push through - I need to fight and not give up. Giving up would feel so much easier - not necessarily better - it would be horrible and tiring, consuming perhaps - but pressing on...I can feel my feet digging into the soil as I desperately try to push back. The ground beneath me is beginning to crumble and cave - but I will continue running toward the mount - toward Christ - not looking back, but forward - though in a momentary tunnel of darkness, I will press forward toward that dim light in the distance - toward freedom, toward peace, toward fullness in Christ alone!
The only One who can fill my cup overflowing is Christ - through time in His Word, silently waiting before Him, listening, praising, worshiping, resting, hoping, joying - just being with Him. The toughest part about this I think, is that Christ's arms are not necessarily tangible - fleshly arms to wrap around me - His presence is sweet, powerful, overwhelming, and life altering, but why --- why do we long for arms of flesh to comfort us as well?
I haven't been really 'hugged' in months - since I was home last actually.
People have tapped me on the shoulders - or given a nice side hug...but there's something about a hug from someone you love that is unlike anything else.
A couple weekends ago I got a nice, warm embrace of encouragement from a brother I ran into and it lifted my spirits to know I was cared for and supported.
Today I'm fighting --- I'm battling this consuming cold front of emptiness and loneliness that wishes to creep into my heart and blind or distract me from what God is trying to teach me in this time. I need to press on - I need to push through - I need to fight and not give up. Giving up would feel so much easier - not necessarily better - it would be horrible and tiring, consuming perhaps - but pressing on...I can feel my feet digging into the soil as I desperately try to push back. The ground beneath me is beginning to crumble and cave - but I will continue running toward the mount - toward Christ - not looking back, but forward - though in a momentary tunnel of darkness, I will press forward toward that dim light in the distance - toward freedom, toward peace, toward fullness in Christ alone!
Monday, October 05, 2009
refreshing rain and the Word
Tonight I decided to go jogging up and down the road in front of my lovely house - from street light to street light - back and forth until it seemed like I'd run roughly a mile. A girls gotta get her exercise, ya know!?
The best part about this was the rain.Exercising in the rain is always way more motivating and satisfying in the rain - here's why: It was sprinkling heavy, thick, refreshing drops - dancing on the pavement - kissing my cheeks and livening my soul. I didn't even bother to pin my hair up - I just let the rain do it's curling wonder as I ran - free and joyful - refreshed and motivated.
I've had a fair amount on my mind lately - as one could easily tell from skimming my blog. Tonight I was reading the daily verse from a scripture calendar my sister Sher gave me (which always seems to be just what I need to hear that day). This was today's verse:
I found this rather ironic - since I just came from soaking up a beautiful autumn rain outside - and have to start raising a hefty amount of support for my 11 month mission trip. I felt a calm in my spirit as I read this verse - a smile deep in my heart welling up - a knowing that God is going to provide abundantly just what I need because He is a faithful God - and He is going to refresh me and His other children in this season with His rains of righteousness.
(Perhaps all of you northerners stuck in Maine/Canada can take hope in this verse with all the rain y'all have been getting! God bless!)
The best part about this was the rain.Exercising in the rain is always way more motivating and satisfying in the rain - here's why: It was sprinkling heavy, thick, refreshing drops - dancing on the pavement - kissing my cheeks and livening my soul. I didn't even bother to pin my hair up - I just let the rain do it's curling wonder as I ran - free and joyful - refreshed and motivated.
I've had a fair amount on my mind lately - as one could easily tell from skimming my blog. Tonight I was reading the daily verse from a scripture calendar my sister Sher gave me (which always seems to be just what I need to hear that day). This was today's verse:
"Rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil."- Joel 2:23-25.
I found this rather ironic - since I just came from soaking up a beautiful autumn rain outside - and have to start raising a hefty amount of support for my 11 month mission trip. I felt a calm in my spirit as I read this verse - a smile deep in my heart welling up - a knowing that God is going to provide abundantly just what I need because He is a faithful God - and He is going to refresh me and His other children in this season with His rains of righteousness.
(Perhaps all of you northerners stuck in Maine/Canada can take hope in this verse with all the rain y'all have been getting! God bless!)
Sunday, October 04, 2009
DVA conference
This weekend I had the privilege of ministering at a DVA (Domestic Violence Awareness) conference in town through song/playing piano along with several women from the mission. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us - your prayers were truly felt and God did a work in that place!
The skit was amazing! About as week ago the Lord laid Elizabeth Rhyno's song "Refuge" on my heart - and taught me how to play it at the piano - so I shared the song with the ladies, along with the vision of a skit the Lord had laid on my heart for them. We set out to communicate Christ's healing power and truth even amidst our own brokenness.
The Holy Spirit was so sweet and peaceful in that place. People were weeping, smiling, standing. I didn't watch them as I played - but simply smiled and sang my little heart out - but I saw people after, and they shared their hearts of how the Holy Spirit had moved them - they said the song was anointed and blessed their hearts immensely.
My favorite part was seeing how alive all the ladies from our mission looked - they were smiling, wiping tears from their eyes as we sat back down - but mostly their eyes were dancing!!! :D God used them to minister truth and healing to the hearts of those at the conference - I just know it. I could feel it!
The women really moved my heart when they said afterward, "This isn't just a skit to us, you know...this is our lives!" They are so right too --- stomped on by the world and people, but raised to life in Christ - these beautiful, recovering, hungry sisters of mine are walking down the healing path to Christ's feet day by day growing a little stronger, a little more joyful, a little more free - a little more alive! It is truly magnificent!
The skit was amazing! About as week ago the Lord laid Elizabeth Rhyno's song "Refuge" on my heart - and taught me how to play it at the piano - so I shared the song with the ladies, along with the vision of a skit the Lord had laid on my heart for them. We set out to communicate Christ's healing power and truth even amidst our own brokenness.
The Holy Spirit was so sweet and peaceful in that place. People were weeping, smiling, standing. I didn't watch them as I played - but simply smiled and sang my little heart out - but I saw people after, and they shared their hearts of how the Holy Spirit had moved them - they said the song was anointed and blessed their hearts immensely.
My favorite part was seeing how alive all the ladies from our mission looked - they were smiling, wiping tears from their eyes as we sat back down - but mostly their eyes were dancing!!! :D God used them to minister truth and healing to the hearts of those at the conference - I just know it. I could feel it!
The women really moved my heart when they said afterward, "This isn't just a skit to us, you know...this is our lives!" They are so right too --- stomped on by the world and people, but raised to life in Christ - these beautiful, recovering, hungry sisters of mine are walking down the healing path to Christ's feet day by day growing a little stronger, a little more joyful, a little more free - a little more alive! It is truly magnificent!
Friday, October 02, 2009
The World Race
I applied after much prayer and consideration about 2 weeks ago for the World Race, an intense missions adventure around the world for 11 months. I received an e-mail and phone interview request last week. Had my phone interview Wednesday just prior to lunch time - missed a call last night - got a voice mail to return a call today.
Today when I returned the call, I received some good news...I've been accepted to the July 2010 World Race!
Praise the Lord! (insert happy dance here ;) )
I have been overwhelmed with tears of joy and overwhelming thanks as well as laughter since I found out!!!!! All I could think and say to express myself is, "I'm gonna be a missionary!" I'm so humbled and overwhelmed that God would choose someone like me - someone weak, and not the most skillful to do His work for the Kingdom in a setting like this - that He loves me enough to have a brilliant plan for my life beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. So...
11 months...11 countries.
July 1, 2010 - May 31, 2011.
The life of a missionary @ Adventures in Missions via the World Race.
Lord willing this will be my life in a short 9 months from now.
Now it's time to raise support funds - get all the loose ends tied up and spend much time in prayer for all the people and divine appointments I know and trust God already has orchestrated for this next adventure in my life! Will you partner with me and join me in this world race adventure?!
Today when I returned the call, I received some good news...I've been accepted to the July 2010 World Race!
Praise the Lord! (insert happy dance here ;) )
I have been overwhelmed with tears of joy and overwhelming thanks as well as laughter since I found out!!!!! All I could think and say to express myself is, "I'm gonna be a missionary!" I'm so humbled and overwhelmed that God would choose someone like me - someone weak, and not the most skillful to do His work for the Kingdom in a setting like this - that He loves me enough to have a brilliant plan for my life beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. So...
11 months...11 countries.
July 1, 2010 - May 31, 2011.
The life of a missionary @ Adventures in Missions via the World Race.
Lord willing this will be my life in a short 9 months from now.
Now it's time to raise support funds - get all the loose ends tied up and spend much time in prayer for all the people and divine appointments I know and trust God already has orchestrated for this next adventure in my life! Will you partner with me and join me in this world race adventure?!
a look inside
I noticed this past Tuesday how empty loneliness can feel – how realistically loneliness is a lie – a trick of the enemy to deter us from keeping our eyes fixed upon the way of Christ – and to seek, in the flesh to somehow motivate, or make happen some random act that will in turn satisfy our longing to feel like we belong. Loneliness is such an icky feeling. I find myself wondering sometimes how people like Mother Theresa walked all those years – seemingly alone – loving others with all they are. Then I am reminded that she never walked alone – Christ was always with her.
In our world today, I feel as though we measure our success and worth based solely upon the works of others for our benefit. We weigh carefully who writes on our facebook wall, or sends us an e-mail just to let us know they care. We measure our worthiness to be loved through text messages, or Friday night dates with the good lookin’ fella everyone in town is just dying to know – and somehow among that stewing pot of self-effort, we find ourselves still dry, still hurting, still lonely – still empty and unsatisfied.
Why? I think it is mainly because we have chosen to believe we are somehow capable of filling and sustaining ourselves, when in reality – without Jesus, we crumble and basically combust. Overall it ends up not being a very pretty picture. To pursue life without Christ is to pursue, inevitably – failure.
The Lord reminded me Tuesday night on my drive home from Warner Robins that He is just as much with me on the mountain tops as He is in the valleys – and regardless of how things may seem, I am never alone. I think sometimes I forget just how special I am in God’s eyes. I forget that every time I look in the mirror and think what I see is “ugly” or “needs fixing” – I grieve the heart of God because He made me. He formed me with His hands, individually – knitting me together in my mother’s womb – fashioning me to be a reflection of His glorious image – fearfully and wonderfully made. That's what makes me beautiful. No amount of tune ups or construction projects I decide to embark upon could change how He created me to be. When I strip away my desire to be how others seem to think I should be, I find myself exposed to true, raw, beauty – only possible by the hands of our Maker.
This is important because I find the longer I am here on internship – the more separated I feel from those I love and care for, yet the Lord has been faithful in bringing new people into my life to build me up and challenge me. It is crucial for me in this season of life to cling to the truth of who I am in Christ – to find my identity in Him and Him alone – not in some aspiration or foolish dream. If my heart and focus are solely linked to Christ – I shall not want – I shall not fail – His strength shall sustain me in the midst of trials – and through the pain, my heart shall grow.
When I put this together with the worship songs we sung Tuesday night at House of Grace, my heart is thankful for a God who knows me inside and out – who knows the deepest and most secret thoughts of my heart and mind, and who loves me with unfailing love, even though I have done nothing to deserve it. I think it’s time I walk in humility and quit trying to control the outside circumstances of my life. I believe it is time to let Him guide me along this journey – regardless of how beautifully painful it may be – so I may learn of Him and know Him more!
In our world today, I feel as though we measure our success and worth based solely upon the works of others for our benefit. We weigh carefully who writes on our facebook wall, or sends us an e-mail just to let us know they care. We measure our worthiness to be loved through text messages, or Friday night dates with the good lookin’ fella everyone in town is just dying to know – and somehow among that stewing pot of self-effort, we find ourselves still dry, still hurting, still lonely – still empty and unsatisfied.
Why? I think it is mainly because we have chosen to believe we are somehow capable of filling and sustaining ourselves, when in reality – without Jesus, we crumble and basically combust. Overall it ends up not being a very pretty picture. To pursue life without Christ is to pursue, inevitably – failure.
The Lord reminded me Tuesday night on my drive home from Warner Robins that He is just as much with me on the mountain tops as He is in the valleys – and regardless of how things may seem, I am never alone. I think sometimes I forget just how special I am in God’s eyes. I forget that every time I look in the mirror and think what I see is “ugly” or “needs fixing” – I grieve the heart of God because He made me. He formed me with His hands, individually – knitting me together in my mother’s womb – fashioning me to be a reflection of His glorious image – fearfully and wonderfully made. That's what makes me beautiful. No amount of tune ups or construction projects I decide to embark upon could change how He created me to be. When I strip away my desire to be how others seem to think I should be, I find myself exposed to true, raw, beauty – only possible by the hands of our Maker.
This is important because I find the longer I am here on internship – the more separated I feel from those I love and care for, yet the Lord has been faithful in bringing new people into my life to build me up and challenge me. It is crucial for me in this season of life to cling to the truth of who I am in Christ – to find my identity in Him and Him alone – not in some aspiration or foolish dream. If my heart and focus are solely linked to Christ – I shall not want – I shall not fail – His strength shall sustain me in the midst of trials – and through the pain, my heart shall grow.
When I put this together with the worship songs we sung Tuesday night at House of Grace, my heart is thankful for a God who knows me inside and out – who knows the deepest and most secret thoughts of my heart and mind, and who loves me with unfailing love, even though I have done nothing to deserve it. I think it’s time I walk in humility and quit trying to control the outside circumstances of my life. I believe it is time to let Him guide me along this journey – regardless of how beautifully painful it may be – so I may learn of Him and know Him more!
To The Men...
I've been keeping up with some World Race blogs lately - a missions opportunity the Lord has laid on my heart to explore - and came across one girls blog that truly inspired me and blessed my heart all at once. Seeing this makes me hopeful for all you my dear brothers - for you daddy - and for you lovely mystery man of God who will one day be my husband. If we let go and let God...there's no telling what He will use us for to glorify His name and to build up/restore His Kingdom!
To The Men...
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To The Men...
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