a look inside

I noticed this past Tuesday how empty loneliness can feel – how realistically loneliness is a lie – a trick of the enemy to deter us from keeping our eyes fixed upon the way of Christ – and to seek, in the flesh to somehow motivate, or make happen some random act that will in turn satisfy our longing to feel like we belong. Loneliness is such an icky feeling. I find myself wondering sometimes how people like Mother Theresa walked all those years – seemingly alone – loving others with all they are. Then I am reminded that she never walked alone – Christ was always with her.

In our world today, I feel as though we measure our success and worth based solely upon the works of others for our benefit. We weigh carefully who writes on our facebook wall, or sends us an e-mail just to let us know they care. We measure our worthiness to be loved through text messages, or Friday night dates with the good lookin’ fella everyone in town is just dying to know – and somehow among that stewing pot of self-effort, we find ourselves still dry, still hurting, still lonely – still empty and unsatisfied.

Why? I think it is mainly because we have chosen to believe we are somehow capable of filling and sustaining ourselves, when in reality – without Jesus, we crumble and basically combust. Overall it ends up not being a very pretty picture. To pursue life without Christ is to pursue, inevitably – failure.

The Lord reminded me Tuesday night on my drive home from Warner Robins that He is just as much with me on the mountain tops as He is in the valleys – and regardless of how things may seem, I am never alone. I think sometimes I forget just how special I am in God’s eyes. I forget that every time I look in the mirror and think what I see is “ugly” or “needs fixing” – I grieve the heart of God because He made me. He formed me with His hands, individually – knitting me together in my mother’s womb – fashioning me to be a reflection of His glorious image – fearfully and wonderfully made. That's what makes me beautiful. No amount of tune ups or construction projects I decide to embark upon could change how He created me to be. When I strip away my desire to be how others seem to think I should be, I find myself exposed to true, raw, beauty – only possible by the hands of our Maker.


This is important because I find the longer I am here on internship – the more separated I feel from those I love and care for, yet the Lord has been faithful in bringing new people into my life to build me up and challenge me. It is crucial for me in this season of life to cling to the truth of who I am in Christ – to find my identity in Him and Him alone – not in some aspiration or foolish dream. If my heart and focus are solely linked to Christ – I shall not want – I shall not fail – His strength shall sustain me in the midst of trials – and through the pain, my heart shall grow.

When I put this together with the worship songs we sung Tuesday night at House of Grace, my heart is thankful for a God who knows me inside and out – who knows the deepest and most secret thoughts of my heart and mind, and who loves me with unfailing love, even though I have done nothing to deserve it. I think it’s time I walk in humility and quit trying to control the outside circumstances of my life. I believe it is time to let Him guide me along this journey – regardless of how beautifully painful it may be – so I may learn of Him and know Him more!