laugh out loud

Running errands for my dad yesterday afternoon led me to Walmart - as I was checking out with some groceries I glanced to my right and behold I saw something quite comical - there in a cart piled high in every direction, angle and pocket of space in the cart sat a little toddler. This little blonde girl wearing a bright pink dress sat patiently playing with groceries that were not only packed all around and aboveher, but were packed beside, behind, etc. It was hilarious. This little girl actually looked like a grocery. It was a picture perfect moment, I wish I'd had my camera, but this is my best attempt at drawing what I saw:

inspiration

I was sitting at my computer tonight and the Lord led me to review my blogs from December of last year. I found this post here (12/8/08) and it ministered greatly to my heart...I felt that for some reason it needed to be published a second time. May the Lord speak also to your hearts as you read:

What inspires you?
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?

So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from its sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.

I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.

"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"

relationship

The concept of "relationship" has been a running theme over the last year or so in my life - a concept which I have thought over, chewed on, brainstormed, resented, enjoyed, appreciated, feared, run from, and embraced. Recently I've been exposed through the news, television, and various magazine articles to the reality of poor relationship in our world and reminded about just how real this issue is.

Yesterday I realized how much help people need in "real" relationship. We so often fail at keeping it pure - so miserably so that no one even dares to do it right. No one seems to know how. We've told ourselves, convinced ourselves into this mechanical way of operating with one another. Most times it's not relationship at all...it's mere acquaintanceship or simply knowing the right people because you have to or need to in order to achieve something. Since when have people ever legitimately been rightly considered as pons opposed to persons?

There's always some sort of twist, some distraction, perversion, agenda, or false thinking that gets in the way. Assumptions rot at the heart like some deadly sickness but are contagious at first glance. They feed on the mind, body & general well being of the assumer until they are entirely preoccupied with themselves, with this sickness, their assumptions and they no longer find it of any value to purely pursue and seek appropriate boundaries within the scope of relationship.

Relationship becomes a matter of 'yeh or neh', 'go or stay'. No one is privileged nor permitted to simply "be". What a terrible sickness - this plaque of the heart - soot of the mind sort of thing. If only we could fully, unmistakeably embrace our roles as male & female in accordance with the great Creator's original design - rather than aligning ourselves with selfish fantasies and naive expectations in life - to LIVE in relationship with others as a direct overflow of our devoted relationship with Him.

...Father teach us how to Love like You...
......... teach us to walk in relationship with You...
.................. to be as You would have us be...
.................. to honor You in our words, thoughts & actions...
.................. to keep You at the center of our relationships...
.................. ALWAYS!

a cycle of breath

breathing slowly
hoping
waiting
breathing stillness
waiting
silence
open
broken
wonder
loss
breathing hard
fury
fear
confusion
doubt
frustration
annoyance
insecurity
adrenaline
fast
hard
nerves
anxiety
growing
oppressing
screaming
crying
breaking
breathing deepness
broken
silence
thinking
wonder
hoping
waiting
freedom
breathing slowly
waiting
resting
hoping
crying
weeping
panting
hungering
thirsting
breathing, breathing, breathing...

beautiful broken footsies

Two weeks ago I prayed for brokenness.
Almost two weeks ago (Thursday) I was running down the soccer field when my foot gave out on me. In an instant, a squish/pop/crackle/ick noise resounded all around me. I didn't claim it at first, I had to complete the play. Kicking the ball my foot flubbed (strange I thought to myself) - completing my stride I landed on my right foot. (OOEEEEKKKKKKKK! I think that gross noise was my foot.)

(ut oh, oh no, ut oh, on no I repeated under my breath the whole way off the field.)
No one took notice.
I hobbled away for help.
A friend came running and knew I was hurting.
I did not cry - I did not flinch.
My foot felt like mush and my heart was annoyed.
(Why now, huh? Why now? I'm SO SICk and tired of being sick! I just want to be healthy again!)

For the last three years of being at Bethany I've struggled with my health.
Sickness after injury, after sickness, after injury. It seems like the cycle never ends. It's weary, frustrating, and so full of praise and battle. God's breathed healing into my life many times and He's been more than faithful - and still I keep getting tested.

Two weeks ago was the beginning of my breaking point.
My feet have had a running tabulation of injuries, random ones over the last 2 years -- and one thing that resounds in my heart everytime is this: "how beautiful are the feet that bring the Good News"...
I'll tell you what, I don't feel like my feet are particularly beautiful when I can't walk on them, when they're swollen, bruised, blistered, beaten, weak, incapable of supporting me, stiff, or even broken.
Yet somehow...I feel like they're being prepared - being strengthened through this brokenness - being stretched through these periods of bruising.

I was in St. John last Thursday preparing to get my half-cast removed and a full cast secured on my once strong foot. (Another fun thing about these injuries is they rotate feet - nice, eh?)Waiting, waiting and waiting was followed by more waiting. It seemed like no one was willing to help me because I didn't have a hunk of cash to place in their hands. After skuddling around for over an hour with my insurance information - and making me 1 1/2 hours late for my appointment I was 20 minutes early to - I was signing paperwork to be seen by the doctor. Numerous apologies were being given - but in that hour of waiting I hit rock bottom.

I was broken at my core.
Hopeless almost - yet barely hanging on.
I knew there was Hope present - I was blinded to seeing it.
I knew there was Hope in the Healer - I was too weak to ask.
Yet as I crutched my way into the examination room - no wait necessary (to make up for the complications earlier) I sat on that table and thought - finally- I finally made it.

My friend prayed deep in her heart that this trip would not be in vain.
She prayed for Healing.
As they went to remove my half cast I started to help the guy unwrap the bandages - he looked me right in the eyes and said, "what are ya doing that for? let me cut it off, eh! You don't plan on keepin it for something do ya?"
I chuckled to myself, "No sir, I don't plan on keeping it...go for it."
The ties to this cast were severed and cut to bits.
I was able to wiggle my toes now - something I hadn't done in a week - and the purple tint and swelling had vanished from the time of our arrival.
The doctor decided I didn't need a cast because it would be a nuisance more than anything and that I should slowly work on applying weight and pressure to it.
I spent the next few days "weaning" off crutches.
It's hard for me to take it easy - but now I can walk with a bit of a hobble in my step.
There's still a significant amount of pain and soreness - yet I know my God is faithful. I can walk again. He picked me up in my brokenness and "set my feet to walking".

I've never cried so much - and wept in my life as I did during that week.
I've never felt more unable to express myself...
More incompetent - worthless- helpless- broken...

Praise God for stretching us...even the biggest, toughest muscles of all - like the heart! He is good!

a special kind of love

Love.
It's what we were created to do.
We were fashioned in love.
Created in love.
Molded together in love.
Growing in love.
Breathing in love.
Yet somehow, though it's all around us- not often does one find a special kind of love.
What sort of love am I raving about now, you might ask?

I had an accident this week.
An unfortunate accident at that.
Running down the soccer field, I took one perfect step that dealt me my fate.
The squishing, and strange pop I heard made my stomach churn.
Not sure of it's source, I kicked the ball - watching my foot flounder and landing, only to realize I couldn't bare weight on my foot at all.
"ut oh, that noise was my foot" I soon realized.
Too in shock to cry - the pain was deep and welling inside.
Thankfully, God sent friends to love me along the way - friends who gave up fun games and study time to sit at the ER with me.
So I truly believe I've seen this special kind of love in action A LOT these last few days. How you might ask? What is this special love?

It's the kind of love that carries you on its back up endless flights of stairs because you couldn't possibly manage to walk.
It's the kind of love that colors you pictures or sends a note just to say hey.
It's the kind of love that teaches you theology you'd never understand any other way.
It's the kind of love that smiles at you and says, "Hey pretty lady, can I take your crutch?"
It's the kind of love that winks at you just to let you know they're watching.
It's the kind of love that walks with you, talks with you, and stays the night just in case you need anything.
It's the kind of love that makes you laugh - lots - deep deep inside.
It's the kind of love that gives nicknames like "hop-a-long".
It's the kind of love that wipes your tears when you're too weak not to cry.
It's the kind of love that makes you see Jesus shining on someone's face!
It's the kind of love that reflects the King and His heart - the example of His love for us in action - friend to friend - one to another.

My heart has been blessed by this love and I hope only to love the same in return.

what I like about daffodils

they're yellow - bright - cheerful
they have a hollow tube-like stem
they resemble a star - or burst of yellow liveliness
they are some of the first signs of life in spring time
they represent new beginnings and fresh seasons

a friend picked me a flower today.
I love flowers.
it was a daffodil.
it was a rainy day.
the sun fought to show its brilliance at different times
a friend brought me a flower and it made me smile
my journey is "finishing" and a new is emerging here at BBC.
I cried as I clutched the daffodil in thought
the fragrance of spring now rested in my hand
What's next Lord, I dared to ask...
"rest beloved...I'm working my plan!"

fighting tears and laughter and smiles and such,
I remembered again how I love this friend much!

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...
He leadeth me beside still waters...
and maketh me to lie down in green pastures...
he hast prepared for me a table in the presence of mine enemies...
I will fear no evil, for He is with me...
my cup overflows...
surely goodness and mercy shall follow me...
all the days of my life...
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord...forever!"

laughter and tears

There is something remarkably cleansing about laughing.
For example today - something struck me funny and I chuckled, then I got a laugh feeling in my tummy and chest I couldn't help and I kept laughing for a good five minutes- until I didn't even know what I was laughing about...but it was good, refreshing, hearty, and elating.

Lately that's all I do...laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry.
Sometimes if things are really crazy, both happen simultaneously.
Yet somehow in the midst of a lot of "stuff" going on...
I am constantly reminded that I serve a God who is worthy of worship.
Despite circumstances, in every season He is still God.
He is still loving, gracious, and He will withhold no good thing from those He loves.
This mode of thinking doesn't mean we always agree with God's definition of what is good for those He loves, but it is solid truth.

A lot of change is going on in my heart, mind, spirit, and relationships all around me.God has blessed me over the last few days to grieve with and love on several of His children. I sense a closeness with the Body of Christ, a clinging in desperation from some of my brothers and sisters like they're clutching to the side of a lifeboat and waiting to be pulled in. Some are tempted to let go and drown, others are fiercely kicking and screaming so much, they are complicating the process of bring pulled into the boat and others whom the scales have been removed from their eyes are fighting against the current and monstrous waves while trusting the arm on the other side will not fail them. They realize it's time to grab a hold by faith and get out of the tumultuous waves.

It's moments of realization and victory that I celebrate and rejoice in. My heart both weeps and joys in yet another heart released from the bondage of the sea. Perhaps the most obvious lesson and realization for me to gather from this process is just that - it is a process - sometimes a long one- and rarely is it easy - sometimes it is frustrating - sometimes it is annoying - sometimes it feels hardly worth it - it's a fight - it's a battle - it's a full out war...but it's worth it! The heart condition of our brothers and sisters is worth every bit of mental tiredness, bumps and bruises we acquire along the way. For we minister "not by might, nor by power, but by God's Spirit".

My heart longs to see God's people pursue Him with a holiness and righteousness that is pure, reckless, relentless, abandoned to Him alone. Lord have your way in our hearts! Move among us - call us to a place where all we have and need is You!

Mission's Week Monologue

Zachary Armand, one of my good brother-friends in Christ asked me to do a little creative writing for Mission's Week here on campus. When I started to consider what to do in light of missions, this is what came from my heart. This is a monologue that reflects the preparation stages of going on a mission's trip for 2 years (reflective of the 2+U movement), followed by thoughts while there, and closes with a second letter from the country. When I read this the Tuesday night of missions week in the chapel, no one budged...it was sheer silence as people thought. This blessed me very much. I pray your hearts are blessed as you read!

Missions Week Monologue – Bethany Bible College 2009
By: Christy L. Zbylut

Scene #1

I never thought this day would come. I’ve never been one to make hasty decisions and I know this journey has been in the making from the very beginning of my life. I never knew that committing my life to do God’s work would cost quite so much. I have laid aside dream after dream over the past few years only to find, they weren’t dreams at all. The funniest thing is, that as I have been obedient in turning over my dreams to Him, God has knit new dreams deep in the very core of my heart and soul. I long for and crave His presence - I desire nothing more that to live for God in everything I do. Such freedom met my heart when I gave EVERY comfortable thing in my life to Him. How could I ever live another way when I have tasted and seen the goodness of our God in response to obedience?

Blessed are these days to come - these days of hoping, waiting, learning, and loving. I am terrified about leaving, but I know I have no choice - for to disobey my God would be to forsake all that is within me. “To live is Christ and to die is gain!”

It’s tough to know what to pack when you are giving your life to go somewhere for two years - not fully aware if you’ll ever come back. Missionary work doesn’t really seem to come with a manual...so much of me desires to sell everything I own and just GO....now that I’m going I realize how wonderful this concept is - to live a live in reckless abandon to my King. God...to you be the glory! My life is in Your hands...

Scene #2

Beloved Family,

A cruel harshness has settled upon this land. I fee as though the enemy himself has taken up residence in the government. Weary faces plague the street - anxiously I search to find even one sign of LIFE. The eyes of the people are plain and distant - how I long to see a light revived in them that has now been consumed with darkness.

Things are not as I expected them to be - when I arrived there was great unrest in the city. Rebel soldiers are constantly on the watch and I have been informed that having a white woman in the village only adds to the stress. Though we cannot yet speak, my heart grows fonder of these people each day. Truly God longs for their souls to dwell with Him in eternity - but such hurt, loss, anger and loneliness have blinded them to the truth.

Years of turmoil have ravaged this country. For the safety of my hosts I cannot inform you of whom I am staying with. Please be in prayer for my original host family - their boldness on my behalf and for the sake of God’s glory have shaken my heart.

Just prior to my arrival, my intended hosts had their home raided by rebels looking for ‘the white woman’. A neighbor saw this take place and hurried to intersect my journey to the village. My hosts and their three little boys refused to reveal when or where I’d be arriving. This angered the rebels - and though I’d love to spare your hearts from the knowledge of such gruesome behaviors as those found in this country - I cannot - for I long for you to understand the power of our great God in the midst of the most painful of circumstances. I also long for you to know His love at greater depth than ever before - to know WHY we are to serve Him in JOY and PAIN.

My hosts were beaten by the rebels, their home was plundered and the man was taken by the rebels for further interrogation. Their neighbor helped me find a cousin of his - who agreed to care for me just outside the city. Sometimes I wonder if these people are crazy or not, risking their very lives to save mine - and all because we love Christ and the government does not. I feel so unworthy of being here - but I trust God has a purpose in my going and a purpose in my coming - for this reason I shall stand upon the Rock - when all around my soul gives way -He then is all my hope and stay.

Pray too for my new host family. They have four little ones 1, 3,6, and 8. They are precious and so much of me wants to feel guilty. For now all I can do is show these loving people Christ’s love and to try my best in communicating the Gospel truth to those chained in darkness. I trust the Spirit of God is communicating on a much deeper level than what my abilities have allowed me,

I love you all so very much - I must close this letter now in saying - there is rumor of a rebel raid tonight in the village. My host family is taking me to the mountains to care for the little ones. We must begin our journey at sundown. Traveling in the dark will be very difficult, but if we were to leave mid-day suspicions would rise in regards to where the ‘white woman’ is going. Everyday is such a risk for me - the rebels wish to destroy me - along with all those who believe the Truth like us. We may be few - but we are mighty by the power of God!

Mom, Dad, if we are never again to meet face to face - remember what we are called to - to love the unloved, to follow God at all costs, wherever He leads. I feel like you’ve always known this about me - my time IS short - maybe that’s why Daddy was so against my going at first. Rest assured that this is my plea “My life for the Gospel!”. I still remember your smiles and I dearly hope to see you again. If not in this lifetime, I anticipate rejoicing with you once again in eternity! Promise that you’ll continue God’s work when I’m gone - there is no better life - no greater joy! I LOVE YOU!

Scene #3

Dearest ones,

If you are reading this letter I anticipate you are doing so with tears, smiles, and probably lots of questions for if anyone is to read this letter it would only mean that I have encountered some circumstance that claimed my life and have gone to be with the Lord. Please, let your questions not be channeled in anger toward our God. Please TRUST the will of our Father - trust that my passing was not in vain and let there be celebration - after all, I know my soul is at rest.

I know you are all probably wondering how I went. I wish I could tell you - but God has given me no such revelation in regards to how I shall go. You are likely wondering if my passing was peaceful and sweet - I think you and I both know the likelihood of that in this part of the country would be rare. I do trust however, that regardless of whatever torture or brutality has crossed my path, that the light, peace, and joy of Christ will have surrounded me - much like Stephen when he was stoned.

I never knew when God called me to be a missionary what that could look like - and I know many times Daddy you were disappointed when I wasn’t bringing home the ideal paycheck like most of my high school friends. I know you felt ashamed at first when the town gossip couldn’t make enough cuts at how crazy and ridiculous I was being. I know your hearts broke when my fiancée and I decided to postpone our wedding to complete our two year commitment to the unreached people of our world. Mom, I know you wanted grandchildren and how cautious you wished I was when it came to adventuring with the Lord, but if you believe nothing else in this letter, believe this one thing - I have sought to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength - and though my life was never what you may have dreamed for me from the time I was a child - though safety and plenty may never be my boast - I have truly lived for I have lived for Christ!

declaration

I was reading through my systematic theology textbook and came across this gem of a poem/prayer. It really speaks to some of the longings in my heart to seek after Christ with all I am, intentionally and purposefully, recklessly and fearlessly:

"Father, I am Your bread. Break me up and pass me around to the poor and needy of this world.

I am your towel. Dampen me with tears and with me wash the feet of people who are weary with walking and with working.

I am Your light. Take me out where the darkness is thick, there to shine and let Christ shine.

I am Your pen. Write with me whatever word You wish, and placard the word where the least and the lost of the world will see it and read it and be helped by it.

I am Your salt. Sprinkle me on all the things that You want for people, so that my faith and love and hope will flavor their experiences.

I am Your water. Pour me into people who thirst for You but do not even know that it is You for whom they thirst. Pour into them and trust that You have helped me to place in You. Pour into them the inward witness that is in me. Pour into them the promise that soon the summer drought will pass and refreshing rivers of water will gush down over them.

I am Yours, Lord God. Use me up in what You will, when You will, where You will, for whom You will, even if it means that I am given responsibilities that are considerable and costly."

(Grider 1994, 526-7)

time change

I decided that I really appreciate the time change here in Canada.
It's a little after 7:00pm here in New Brunswick and it's still light out! :)
How I love the sunshine and refreshing air of spring time, especially after just returning from Pennsylvania on Chorale tour. We played in almost green grass down there in t-shirts and 65 degree weather. Spring time, where art thou?!

Chorale Tour 2009

In less than 12 hours we will be hitting the road for our March break Chorale Tour. We are heading to Ontario, Canada for a number of days followed by a few stops in New York and Pennsylvania.

Please pray for our group that God will work both in and through our ministry.
Pray for strength and wisdom, discernment and UNITY!
Pray that restoration will take place in hearts and that the freedom of the Lord will be very present in our ministry!
Pray for protection as we travel long hours and health as we sing lots.
Pray for the world around us that still needs people to GO and tell them about Jesus!



I will update when possible during/after tour.
To God be the glory!

photoshoot in apt. 310

Friday night is "girl's night"...and we spent our last one getting all dressed up with no place to go. A friend came and took some pictures of us to document the adventure:

a year of events in 2008

I neglected to post this on New Year's...but now that I'm thinking about it, I find it worthy of reflection and posting. These are some thoughts I recorded in my journal on the last night of 2008.

As this year comes to a close, it's always nice to reflect a bit - on life, lessons, changes, and seasons of life. 2008 has been a very healing, strengthening & stretching year for me. I've been weathering many weary, tedious storms in friendships, relationships, health, and future decisions. I've laughed until I've fallen on the floor and can't breath - I've cried from the core of my heart - wept for broken people around me - joyed and delighted in the body of Christ. The churchbecame an unwelcoming, unbearable stranger to me this year - but my hunger for adventure and spontaneity grew deep. I came of "age' - have officially been a license driver for 5 years, and held orphans in Jamaica. I read a man (Chalds James) the bible because he couldn't sit up to do it himself and heard the sweetest tune of praise come as he sang me a few hymns.

I walked the entire length of Cavendish beach (something Prez deemed slightly invigorating) and watched shooting stars with someone who I held a instant connection with at Riverside Camp. I ate guacamole and swam in a hot tub after midnight. I rode in a limousine and fellowshipped with several 80 yr. old missionaries. I jumped in a freezing cold water & ate wild blueberries on a hiking trail. People around me anchored down their lives with serious commitments to marriage, engagement, and children - I let go of any and all control over that aspect of my life. I kayaked the Aroostook River with my Mom and ate PB sandwiches on the shore - rode the reversing falls in St. John, New Brunswick - seeing live seals for the first time evr. I lost and I gained - friendships sparked and grew while others fizzled out. I swam in the ocean, canoed by myself in a lake - watched a thunderstorm from a kayak - learned an incredible amount about my grandmother's life - explored waterfalls - from the forests of NY and NB all the way to the great and mesmerizing Niagra Falls.

I sought to love without an agenda - wrote many songs and discovered a love for free-style worship with just piano or guitar noodling and a heart singing out its heart cries. I climbed the Bluffs in the dark - climbed way too many trees - dressed as a ninja - and discovered two of my favorite spots: Prez's field and Bridgeo (playing my heart out with unskilled fingers in a dimly lit piano room). I lead worship for the first time ever in chapel and testified of God's healing and restoration all over! I even drove down the BBC path! (many times)

It's been a good year with prayer times down by the riverside and in my special chapel window. I puddle jumped a lot - and laughed without fear of what is to come - being in the moment - only now I need a truly sold reminder of laughing without fear of the future. Leadership positions stretched me - I was forced to love and hold strong against the ruthless attacks of people seeking to absolve their jealousy and hatred toward me regarding past relationships. God has been gracious to me by placing many loving, encouraging and intelligent people in my life. I caught sunrises over mountain tops, and ran down four-wheeling trails early in the morning!

As the year winds down - my hope for the coming season - 2009, is that I will faithfully hold true to who Christ has fashioned me to be - that I will laugh without fear of the future and continue living in obedience wherever that may and will ultimately lead me. The next year holds much - I know this for sure - what exactly? I know not yet - but Christ is my life - my leader - my all- I will live my life for the sake of the call - abandoning everything to cast my nets down - to follow Christ. Lord teach me what ths means - to abide in Thee. *My life for the Gospel"

season of growth

There's so much to say.
God has been doing some neat things in my life lately.
I intend on posting them when my journal is close at hand, to better articulate the events of the last month or so.
Stay tuned...

treasures

What do you treasure?
I saw a commercial on the television the other day for a "top of the line" metal detector. According to its maker, it has all the components necessary to find your favorite and most needed treasures - money, jewels, antiques - surely this will bring great joy and satisfaction to one's life.

Caught in a tornado of technology - we've lost sight of communication - and rather we've done nothing more than spew out words at one another. people don't sit and have long, intellectual conversations about life, love, growth, change, experience or curiosity - everything is summarized/abbreviated - surface level "textable" conversations that never dig deeper than the "hey - LOL" stage.

What have we done to relationship? Since when did we NEED these things? an iPod touch? really? why? touch screen computers? what's the need? If you really care for someone - send them a card, a letter, a small note to acknowledge your appreciation/care for them. Pick up the telephone and see how they're doing. Communicate. Seek to have relationships where you love with genuine affection (Romans 12:9-10) - cast aside your agendas and LOVE, even if you don't 'get' something in return.

This passage was laid on my heart last night:
"19 Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieve do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of our heart will also be." - Matthew 6:19-21

thinking

Thinking is such a profound process.
It cleanses the mind.
It clouds the mind.
It complicates the mind.
It challenges the mind.
It creates within the mind.
It stretches the mind.
Ultimately, it exposes the thinker - oftentimes to themself.
It causes examination of both the inside and outside.
Thinking is kind've like...looking in a giant mirror.
You are offered a chance to observe, to examine.
The spots, the blemishes, the image reflected,
are all presented before the thinking mind.
Character, goals, mindsets, mantras, lifestyle,ambitions-
all sit before the thinker waiting to be explored.

Thinking changes things:
from seeing to understanding,
from understanding to knowing,
from knowing to being,
from being to resting,
from resting to adventuring...and on the journey goes.

I've been thinking a lot lately - about life, love, people, and purpose.
Thinking can be restless.
It can be consuming and absolutely torturous.
Thinking can be a battle, a war zone within the boundaries of one's mind,
and at the same time, thinking can be sweet, healing, and restorative.
It can be bizarre, elating, enjoyable, and refreshing.
Thinking can be humorous, imaginative, freeing, yet strange.
It can be rewarding, revealing, reflective, and constructive.

Thinking can erupt into sweet belly-aching laughter
or be flooded with tears of anguish, joy, repentance, or acceptance.
Thankfully, thinking isn't the whole picture...it calls for further action.
One may express their thinking, articulate their thinking, or even change their thinking...

In the end I believe this process of thinking offers us the chance to submit ourselves to the Potter; as weak, unfinished, and sometimes difficult clay, to be molded and sculpted according to His purpose and plan for our lives. One must not become lost in their thoughts, but must rather embrace the process of thinking as a chance to explore, change, and become.

Here's to a season of thinking...

burning away the chaff

I burned two years of my life today...
Last night I came across two notebooks packed with journaled thoughts from my senior year in highschool onward through my first semester at college. During this time I became completely enraptured in the idea of being loved and allowed myself to settle for what others deemed to be my life sentence or "blessing" as they put it. This lot in life framed most of my thoughts. If 'he' called it was a good day. If 'he' didn't call it was an okay day and my journal usually expressed some confidence in God's grace and leaning on his strength because this guy wasn't showing me much affection. What really made my insides turn was when I realized how clearly I had aligned my relationship with a man to that of my relationship with God. Now you may think - well that couldn't be all that bad, eh? aren't we supposed to carry ourselves in such a way that all our relationships reflect and come from the overflow of our relationships with Christ? Well yes, but...

Unfortunately, I had this backwards. I let my relationship with Christ flow from the remnants of my relationship with a man I was dating - after about a year and a half I started to disappear...more into my twisted theology of who Christ was and how He worked...what His voice sounded like - even though I probably only listened or assumed when it was saying something along the lines of what I was looking to hear.

My heart was disgusted with myself and my naivety. How could I so devote myself to the service and partnership of another that I somehow neglected my greatest Love? How sad it must have made the heart of Christ for me to be running aimlessly in a direction that was surely not going to work out. The warning signs were up - the red flags had been tossed - my journals noted such things - but I refused to listen. Somehow in my silly little world everything made sense. I wanted to be a wife - I wanted to be loved - so I put on a pair of glasses with gargantuen blinders that only allowed me to see that which was pointing toward those two goals as end results. Nothing was wrong as far as I knew - nothing at all. Minus of course an outside, reflective observation of my consuming attempts to mold Christ into a fitting mold for my purposes. HOW BACKWARDS! Should not I be the one being molded and fitted for His purposes? I selfishly ripped control of my life out of the hands of the King and somehow expected Him to abide by and provide for my ways. WOW! It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

As I sifted through these writings my heart grew weary. "I'm sorry Lord. So sorry...how could I ever have...why did you save me from this...why didn't I listen sooner?" I felt a nudging inside of me: "Burn it! Cut the ties." So I slapped a big blue post-it note on two of my journals: "BURN ME" it said. I grabbed hold of my third spiral notebook...wondering how this one would fair. I began to turn the pages. Filled with question - frustration - reasoning - confusion - and the beginnings of awareness. I was starting to recognize - starting to see - starting to listen - starting to question. The process of surrender was laid out clearly in these pages. Yes it wavered between my selfish desire to make it work...but here I sit nearly two years later...cutting those final ties of fearing relationship. I cannot imagine ever becoming so consumed and caught up in it that I'd neglect my greatest Love - the one who knows me most and loves me best. I've been afraid for a long time of slipping back into that place - that 'cloud 9' place where life i hunkey-dorey as long as someone smiles and calls once in awhile - who cares that there is no real foundation for the relationship and that it's no fun to be around that person - when life with them is grand - life with God must be grand, right?WRONG!

Our relationship with Christ is to come first. Anything less than everything isn't good enough. We owe our whole selves to Christ for His purposes and plans. All our devotion, affection, time, worship, praise, and adoration should be focused and given to Him alone. No other lovers can compare. We should not depend on the status of a human relationship to depict the deepness or status of our relationship with Christ. 'In Christ alone...my hope is found...he is my light, my strength, my song-"

*So this morning I dug a makeshift firepit in the backyard. Clad in my pjs and with my sister in tow to support me- I brought that stack of selfishness - two years of journaling where my focus, my delight was a man - and Christ was the supplementary or bonus blessing...to the fire. With box of matches in hand, I crumpled them into balls. As I watched the pages burn away - turning into ashes of the past...covering them with the pure, white, cool snow of winter - the sun shone on my face and I knew this is a glorious day!

Father forgive me for those years of selfisness and naivety. Thank you for freeing me from that situation and for bringing greater healing to my heart as I grow nearer to You! The words of Misty Edwards speak clearly my hearts cry:
"I won't relent until you have it all - my heart is Yours..."

braced for colder winds

Does it ever feel like everything around you is somehow synchronizing and working efficiently together - happily, joyously- and someone forgot to slip you a post-it note so you know to join in?

Over the last month I've watched people pledge their undying love to one another and make plans to get married - promise rings have been purchased - life plans are made - people have new jobs - new friends - new lives - this weekend people are getting married - people are pregnant - all this change and strangeness, yet somehow I feel left out of the swirling, twirling and shifting all round' about me. Somehow I feel as though this is all some random sequence of silliness in some separate, secondary reality to what really is. After all, I feel so very much not a part of it...could it be reality?

A lot of shifting is beginning to take place in my life...
and selfishly I want answers...I want clarity...I want direction.
I just want life to make sense!
I just want to know and understand...but yet here I rest,
uncertain, without answer, directionless with a seemingly broken compass and no motivation to pull out the map.
My body grows weary in waiting, but I know the strength of my heart remains (for it is Him - He fails not - nothing can change that).
I guess I just want to understand what I am supposed to do with my life.
What does He have planned for me?
Where am I supposed to be this summer?
Everyone around me is falling in love, heading out into the real world, having babies, starting families. They all seem so secure, so blessed, so certain.
I feel alone.
I'm growing a little weary.
I have been tempted to wonder, "Am I failing in my womanhood?"
By not having these things the world deems appropriate and necessary to compliment/accentuate/and define the very essence of a woman - have I missed it?
What shall I do?
Lord help....be Thou my Vision.

inspiration

What inspires you?
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?

So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from it sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.

I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.

"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"

first snowfall of the season

Last night I returned to my apartment after supper and didn't emerge outside until a few hours later for d-group. It had snowed a small amount and continued to - as beautiful flakes fluttered and swirled through the sky onto the chilly ground.
My roommate and I had a giant snow fight last night with the RAs and a few fun brothers in Christ. We laughed lots and got soaked.
This morning I woke up to the glimmering, glorious sunshine with this view out my window and on my walk to chapel, I snapped these pictures to remember the occasion.

encounter weekend - bethany live style

As hundreds of teens flooded our campus for a youth rally weekend - we shared with them a time of comedy and laughter in our famous Bethany Live show.
To close the night was a special visit from: Earl, Edna, Junie-Mae, Alfred, Ernest & Elizabeth in skit known affectionately as the "Old Lady Skit".

21st birthday celebrations!

My roomate made my day extra special yesterday. She set up an 80's dance party with the girls in our apartment complete with sweet lights and some good dancin' tunes. After this we hung out with some of our brothers on campus playing games and laughing lots...even a little dancing too! :) I felt blessed and loved on my birthday! 21 years of life have come and gone so quickly...bless the Lord for life and breath - for love, fellowship, joy, and provision.







DISCLAIMER: Katrina did my makeup and hair. :)

hair cut

This one's for you Mom!
So I got a hair cut...it was time for a change...BEFORE

AFTER...

reality

r e a l i t y .

What is it?
What if what I view to be reality were not in fact reality at all?
Ever grow tired of wondering?
Ever long so deeply to know?

Some justify serving/knowing Christ as worth it because if we were to live our whole lives with the hope in mind that eventually we'll spend eternity with him - and if by chance we were to get to the end and this were not true, we would never know, we've lost nothing - it wouldn't really matter. We would simply cease to exist.

However, if the promise of eternity with Christ is in fact true and we choose to live our lives apart from and separate of that promise - if we come to the end and this is true, we've lost everything.

Sometimes I feel like I live outside of "reality". The Bible talks about how "God has planted eternity in the human heart" in Ecclesiastes. I wonder all the time - question, think, process - but through it all, the one unfading thing that holds clear, true, and steady is Him. Even when I am uncertain of any other reality - I come to find my only true reality is Christ. He is everything.

Seasons change.
Children grow.
Relationships spark and fade or flourish.
Time keeps ticking.
Buildings rot, creek, and grow old.
Yet He remains...He transcends all.

What an A W E S O M E - R E A L - GOD we serve, eh?

breathing

It's been a go go go kind of month, but in spite of all my going...I sense a tug toward growing. Much is to come in the next season and I have no secure, specific direction to cling to. I cannot begin to explain what is going on in my heart and yet there are 5000 directions I should be considering running toward - yet somehow I'm stuck - stuck in this moment - immovable, and uncertain about what is next.

I have just a little more than 3 semesters left of college...
This summer I'll be heading out on internship...
My birthday is in 2 weeks...I'll be 21 (already).

Time is so precious.
What am I doing with it?
I've discovered a few things about myself over the last few months and how I choose to channel my time:
I find myself so helpless when I'm alone. I choose to invest myself in the lives of others.
I hate being alone. I crave just being around people.
I don't need to talk or interact...just to be.
I love laughing.
I love feeling alive.
I love dancing - breathing - smiling - writing - loving.
I love sunshine and warmth.
I cannot sit still - I like to change activities frequently if I am not fully engaged.
I love listening.
I love learning.
I love teaching - discussing - wondering - thinking - processing - dreaming.

Soccer Season @ BBC

A glimpse of our soccer season in the BBC Intramural League!
I co-captained the red team. We took second in the league! I had the best team ever - their attitudes were remarkable and I love each and everyone of them!
Thank you Matt, Eli, Chris, Danny, Ben, Kristen, Deanna, Aisha, Vivienne, Greg, Eric, Andrew, and my amazing fellow captain "The Austrian" Christoph!

sisters

I always love visiting home and sharing some special times with my sisters.
It amazes me how quickly we all grow up and change, yet through storms, trials, happiness, joys, accomplishment, or apparent defeats - my sisters are always there. We're a network that cannot be shaken, with a love that is unfaded by the tests of time and other persons. There are no two persons in my life so uniquely different yet special who hold a special place in my heart as these two. We've grow together, lived together, argued together, laughed together, cried together, traveled together, shared chickenpox together, cooked, cleaned, learned, been punished...everything. We grew together! I'm thankful for my beautiful sisters!

purpose

Why do we insist on preaching one another into boredom? Why do ministers so often try so hard to articulate their thoughts - backing them up with Scripture? Why can't we take the Word and think on it so we can learn of it? I feel like people are chewing up the Word for us and instead of giving us a whole bite - they've chewed it up and spit it out. Then they expect us to eat it! No Way! Regurgitated, self-focused thoughts are not worth ingesting. Where's the substance? Where's the truth - good solid hardcore truth? Lord help us!

simple as a reflection

I recently wrapped up the book of Proverbs in my nightly devotional time and have been chewing on this verse for about a week now:

"As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person."
-Proverbs 27:19

We are called to emulate Christ in our words, thoughts, actions, and even in the way we love one another. Sometimes this can be tough, but still the call remains the same. We are called in Ephesians to "Live as children of the Light - to imitate Christ" - so why do we have such a difficult time doing this?

Well...as a face is reflected in water...so the heart reflects the real person.
Matthew 12:34 says "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Therefore I am led to believe that the words escaping from our mouths - if they come from the abundance of our hearts, and our hearts reflect our real person - the words we speak are a direct expression of who we are - what we stand for, value, represent. Our words paint a picture of our character.

I don't know about you, but I want my character, the reflection seen of me - the abundance and overflow of my heart to be so consumed with Christ that there is no question what I have spent my time, energy, and efforts filling myself with - simply Christ, nothing else or substitutionary.

So what's a practical way to work on this? Hide God's word in my heart.
Psalm 40:8 says, " I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart."

Lord may my heart bare a reflection that brings Your name much glory and points others to You.

detestable beauty?

I've been wondering over the last week: what exactly defines beauty?
Have we over the span of time so significantly altered the purpose of beauty that we miss that which is beauty in exchange for what we choose to make it?

As women in society today we are told that if we dress a certain way, smell nice, and apply a said amount of energy into creating an attractive hairstyle, we're well on our way to being seen as beautiful. Men label "beautiful" women as "hot" or "smokin'" and these terms alone cause women to detest their beauty. Women are equally guilty in this area, as they vocalize their thoughts on the "manliness" or "masculine abilities" of the men around them. This often focuses around their strength or abilities - to deny encouragement and affirmation in these areas is crushing. When beauty is mocked, boxed up and labeled with a rotten permanent marker, it smears the purity, the sacredness of the beauty being beheld. It makes beauty seem and feel dirty, it makes it almost unwanted or perhaps, detestable.

So how can we both express the beauty of Christ in our lives, yet not be distracting? How can we flee from any attempt to distract our brothers - to not lose the focus of keeping a pure motive - basically to display and radiate true beauty without any sort of selfish agenda attached? How do we allow beauty not to be detestable, difficult, and tedious, but rather a joyous, free, effortless thing?

1 Peter 3:3-4 says, " Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

I was reading in my systematic theology textbook this week and came across a rather profound thought that speaks to this issue: "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder is a partly correct statement. Beauty is both in the beholder, and in what is beheld - but it does not exist in a prior way as an eternal concept." (Grider, 54) Beauty seems to be a combined effort of that which is recognized as being beautiful - and that which is necessary to behold it, to proclaim its beauty.

How interesting it is to consider the emphasis we place on the abilities of the beholder, that sometimes we sacrifice or miss an opportunity to view the true beauty of the beheld. Is this text perhaps also implying that beauty is found in the moment? We so often seek out beauty through retrospect or dreaming, but could we possiblly be so foolishly bypassing the beheld, in order to be deemed an efficient beholder?

I also like the idea of something beautiful being beheld. The very word sounds as though it calls for a special honor - a gentleness - or grace perhaps. Beauty is simply: beheld. Nothing terribly complicated or perplexing about the process - simply a combined/shared effort on behalf of the beholder and the beheld to display and recognize beauty.

This week my apartment participated in a challenge where we hid our "toolboxes" designed to make us 'beautiful'. We spent a week seeking a new perspective on beauty - and sought to recognize the beauty in others and the reflection of Christ's beauty within ourselves. It's difficult to step away from outward adornments and comforts, but so very rewarding. I recognized this week that I am beautiful...why? My heart reflects the Love of my Creator, my Lover, my Savior, Breath and Life. Thank you my dear beautiful sisters for journeying with me in this adventurous week.

could the change in your pocket change someone's day?

On Thursday H.C. Wilson came to speak in chapel representing Global Partners. He talked about God's great-grace and how we have been so very blessed with everything we need in North America.

At the close of his message he asked that we empty our pockets of loose change to send to Haiti to help those being ravaged by the hurricanes. Most of their island is apparently waist or knee deep in water and they're having difficulty managing basic things like food, etc. I felt a little bad wishing I had some change to give, but my friend Nick Doyle and I prayed that God would take the money and multiply it 100 fold.

As I closed my eyes to continue worshipping I got a vivid picture of my little soccer-piggy bank (my date-day fund) sitting on the altar. "Hey!" I tought to myself, "that has money in it!" I felt prompted to go get it. So I ran back to my room, grabbed a paper bag and my piggybank. "Lord, do I have to give my piggy bank?" " No, just empty it." So I did, tunies and loonies, and quarters gallore spilled from this heavy little bank of treasure. Then I heard a rustling and found some bills that had been crushed at the top. 'These too???" I wondered. "Not a mite would I withhold..." rung through my head. So I EMPTIED all the cash to my name (I didn't bother counting it) and trucked back to the chapel. Smiling I thought to myself, "Christy, someday people are going to empty their piggybanks for you...".

Our school...the 200ish students...offered what little we had that day and totaled: $1960 and change. along with a sweater and a bible.

H.C. Wilson struck at my heart when he read the account of a man in Vietnam after the country had been ravaged by war. The man told of seeing a citizen clothed in a shirt so thread bare that he had pieces of wire holding it together. "I took his picture," the man said, "but I did not give him my shirt." I watched as one of my brothers in Christ walked forward to lay his expensive American Eagle hoodie on the altar for someone that needs a shirt. It brought joy to my heart - I think God is working in this young man's heart to follow him as a missionary - wherever that may be.

It's funny when how our bank balances get a little low - we start withholding, perhaps without even realizing it. We think about all the trips we'd like to plan (maybe even missions trips) or our "to get" list we need of basic little things. We classify it as budgeting or being wise with our expenses and these things are good yes, but I think the Lord taught me an interesting lesson through the emptying of my little piggybank. It took me 2 years of saving to pack this little bank with some hefty change and now it's en route to Haiti.

How easy it is for us to forget the story in the gospels of a woman bringing her two pieces of money, everything she owned, to offer at the temple. She emptied herself of all security - worldly provision- there was no security cushion in her bank account. She gave everything without question and trusted that her Supply would meet her needs.

I trust God will provide for and meet all of my needs, that He will faithfully continue to be my provision - yet sometimes I forget that perhaps I am to be a vessel of God's provision for others. I do not need to have "such and such" an amount in my checking/savings account to know that God will provide. He already has and I trust He will continue to provide, abundantly and overflowing. Sure some people might chuckle at me and think this is a naive proclaimation and maybe it is...but I believe differently. Jehovah Jireh has taught me to know differently.

"Take my silver and my gold...not a mite will I withhold...not a mite will I withhold."

remembering 9/11/01

Seven years ago in a small town classroom - my classmates and I sat, alert and ready to learn as our teacher began her lecture. 8th grade was a big deal and having just come off of an incredible summer of traveling and vacationing, we were all still 'excited' to be at school.

A loud knock sounded off the door as another teacher entered and spoke to our teacher. Without hesitation she left the room - without saying a word. Not sure what exactly was going on we chattered amongst ourselves. She returned with the rolling television set, instructed us to gather our chairs around and we watched.

On the screen was a man with some sort of fog or smoke in the background. "Are we watching a space ship launch?" some questioned. "It looks kind've like New York City!" I remarked. My dance class had just been in the city a month before. "I agree" my fellow dance friend remarked. Suddenly the screen zoomed in, but it was still quite unclear as to what was going on. Then we saw it, "Hey that building is on fire!" "Woah, how did that happen?"

Something in my heart told me this wasn't just an accident. As we sat transfixed looking at the screen our chatter began to subside. We were all busily thinking and hypothesizing what exactly was going on. Then I saw it a faint little speck coming from the right side of the screen. "Hey, oh my goodness! Is that another plane?" I remarked. "No, it's probably a helicopter filming the fire" my classmate answered. "I'm serious it looks like a plane! It's heading straight for the building!" The second tower was hit and our mouths flew open. We sat for a good hour before that screen in shock and wonder as we watched news reports of our country basically falling apart. Fear gripped our hearts and a great sadness began to settle as well.

I remember well when Jon (sometimes our class clown) turned around me and with a great seriousness in his eyes said, "Christy, I know you were in New York last month. I'm really glad you're not there now."

Those words spoke volumes to me that day.
I began to worry about my dad an army soldier and his talk of being deployed.
Our soccer games were cancelled.
Everyone went straight home after school...and a chilling silence filled the air.
All around me was quiet - sadness and grief for the loss of our country was everywhere.

For the next several weeks I would sit and watch with my parents from the time I came home after school until bedtime. The only portion of reports I never saw was those of persons jumping for their lives from the fiery building. My heart was gripped and broken for New York City - the Big Apple that would never again be quite the same. My heart was saddened and grieved for all the families who wouldn't have daddys and mommys, lovers, friends, parents, etc home that night or ever again.

This event will forever be burned in my memory - it was a moment of great shifting in my thinking about humanity and it wickedness - and also the importance of LOVE, COMPASSION, and SERVICE.



9-11-01 ... 7 years ago already - that is hard to believe.
Take a little time to remember those whose lives were forever shifted by this event and to pray for our country and all the giant changes that have been brought about in light of these circumstances.

consecration weekend

It's been a bustling, busy weekend around campus as we have partaken of 7 services over the weekend in honor of consecrating our brand new chapel. Hundreds of people from all over the states and various provinces came to join in the celebration and festivities.

David Howard was our speaker this week and the Lord used him as a vessel to communicate much truth to me and to stir up some serious thinking in both my head and heart.

Two things that I'm really itching about were spoken in the messages on Saturday:

1) Our duty 1st to Christ is to respond with obedience. When God calls us we so often worry and wonder about where he is calling us to. We must remember that "geography will take care of itself later." Abraham is a prime example of this. In Genesis God calls him to go and assures him He will reveal where to be in His time. Wow...so just going without knowing...that concept is so foreign to our culture yet so adventurous and absolutely dependent upon the Lord's leading.

2) Jim Elliot penned these words in is journal during his early college years as a university student: "When it comes time to die - make sure all you have to do is die."

I am both humbled and blown away by the implications of this statement.
Jesus, my life for the gospel - a life that is recklessly, absolutely, resoundingly devoted to You!

Finally in closing thoughts, Jim Elliot also penned something regarding our motivations and efforts in what we do each day. He said, "Wherever you are - be all there - live to the hilt - be to the will of God." Basically whatever we are doing - go all out - full steam ahead - hold nothing back. Just go and trust God as your supply, portion, strength, your everything.

I want to be someone who gives all of myself for the things of Christ - who withholds nothing from the One who withholds nothing from the ones He loves. I'm so thankful for God's patience and willingness to teach us baby step by little baby step!

fully alive

I was reading in my one year Bible this morning a passage from 2 Corinthians 6 that really struck my heart. Paul blows me away with his honestly in this passage, and the faith and trust in Christ that is evident with every word. He is bold in his proclamations of what is going on, and yet still present with his words is a sense of humility and genuine love for Christ, the One for whose glory he chooses to live his life. Verses 4-10 say:

“4 In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. 5 We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. 6 We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. 7 We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. 8 We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. 9 We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. 10 Our hearts ache, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.”


In EVERYTHING…not just in papers, or projects – seminars or in classrooms – not just in chapel or Sunday mornings looking all spiffy – NO, in EVERYTHING they do, they show that they are TRUE ministers of God. They patiently endure what comes their way and prove themselves not by proclaiming weakness, or whining, and complaining and scheming. NO! They prove themselves by their purity, understanding, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit at work in their hearts, and their sincere love.

Romans 12: 9-10 tell us, “Don’t just pretend to love others – really love them – Love each other with genuine affection…” Paul and his friends offered a sincere love. I think this speaks volumes as to why their favor of God rested upon them – how they could be beaten, ignored, hungry, sleepless, exhausted and still praise, honor, and serve Christ. I believe the sincere love they offered in everything – proving they are true ministers of God flowed from the tank of their sincere, overflowing, devoted, recklessly abandoned love for the Father and believe in His purposes for their lives.

From their love we see evidence of the devotion: “We serve God whether people honor us or despise us – slander us or praise us.” The next statement tugs at my heart as I struggle to wrap the intensity of the concept around my finite mind: “We live close to death, but we are still alive – our hearts ache, but we give spiritual riches to others – We own NOTHING and yet we have EVERYTHING!”

Life in Christ = everything we need.
He’s our supply.
We can be close to death by the world’s standards, but FULLY ALIVE in CHRIST!
Who in their right mind, has an aching heart (in our world) and doesn’t first turn to tend to it ‘before’ they ‘give’ to others? The concept of owning nothing and having everything in Christ blows me away – that’s my heart cry – that’s my desire. I want to live a life of simplicity and hunger after Christ that will break me and fashion me more into His image. I want to give even when it aches, and then – to keep giving – to serve Christ whether people honor or despise me – whatever the consequences may be. To enter far off lands for the sake of sharing Jesus with those who have never heard – though their country, government, officials and law may despise me, that I would march forward, though I may draw close to death, that I would run forward, fully alive in Christ.

PLC Corps Camp 2008 (a glimpse)