Monday, July 13, 2009
4th of July weekend in South Carolina
(These are some pictures from my trip - explaining a little bit of what I did during my weekend of the 4th. They sort've go backwards in showing my journey - I was able to visit some dear friends from BBC traveling on *EMPOWERED* this summer, went hiking at some falls in the local area, and saw fireworks in downtown Greenville. We stayed at the Power's house in Central,SC and had a blessed weekend of fellowship & fun.)
beautiful movement
It amazes me how easily little ones capture our hearts with their smiles, hugs, and cuddliness. One of my favorite groups to work with here at Hephzibah is the 5-6 year olds. Both groups (boys and girls), have little ones in them who are special to my heart. I have recently noticed the great lengths of growth they have had over the last seven weeks of summer – growing from shy to more outgoing, hesitant to bold, and uneasy to trusting. Granted these changes have not been blatant nor cold turkey, however, they have been a gradual, blessed, sweet process. Each week of loving on these little boys and girls as individuals – showing them their uniqueness and special qualities God has made them with has allowed for many open, trusting doors in their lives.
I think this is important to recognize because there is nothing yet at camp, which I have found to be more precious than the excitement of little ones to see you – their beaming smiles, open arms, and mouths full of stories to tell about their families, vacations, pets, or whatever else is presently important to them. It is heart-melting when a little one takes you by the hand and jumping up and down squeals, “Miss Christy! Are you going to be with us!?” or when they crawl into your lap during circle meets and tilt their heads to rest on your shoulder because they feel safely loved by Christ who loves them through you.
For example, one of our Hindu little girls Megha, has refused to participate in many things at camp. We had a volunteer group visit from Virginia for a week and the ladies from the group blessed us with a worship dance class for all the girls. I was able to participate with my little sister-friends, and for the most part we had a blast. Megha, however refused each day to join us. She stood, stone faced in the middle of the gym, not moving until the end of class. We tried everything – being silly, being serious, asking nicely, and dancing around her, but each time the response was the same, a big fat “NO!” – Until Friday that is.
Friday was a pivotal moment for Megha and our group. In the afternoon we had a mass dance time with all the girls groups at camp – because each group had learned a part of the song routine. We all got into place on the floor and when the music started, Miss Hannah caught my attention to tell me Megha was dancing. Furthermore, to make things even more astounding – she was doing all the right steps, yet she hadn’t busted a single dance move the entire week! I felt victory and great joy welling up in my heart. Finally, she was dancing – and to top it all off, she was smiling too.
The principle involved was one of perseverance and patience. Many may have been frustrated or even tempted to give up on this stubborn little girl, but constant encouragement, silliness, and persistence led us to a beautiful moment of growth in Megha’s life. It was a moment worth celebrating. Our dance was finally complete, when everyone participated!
Reflecting on this experience I am reminded of how “slowly” the body of Christ seems to move forward in life. Sometimes our brothers and sisters are stubborn as mules and we feel like we are talking to brick walls, or not being heard/understood – all the while, we are being tested, and choosing to wait for that beautiful moment when the stubbornness is released is so worth the battle and perseverance to get there.
I think this is important to recognize because there is nothing yet at camp, which I have found to be more precious than the excitement of little ones to see you – their beaming smiles, open arms, and mouths full of stories to tell about their families, vacations, pets, or whatever else is presently important to them. It is heart-melting when a little one takes you by the hand and jumping up and down squeals, “Miss Christy! Are you going to be with us!?” or when they crawl into your lap during circle meets and tilt their heads to rest on your shoulder because they feel safely loved by Christ who loves them through you.
For example, one of our Hindu little girls Megha, has refused to participate in many things at camp. We had a volunteer group visit from Virginia for a week and the ladies from the group blessed us with a worship dance class for all the girls. I was able to participate with my little sister-friends, and for the most part we had a blast. Megha, however refused each day to join us. She stood, stone faced in the middle of the gym, not moving until the end of class. We tried everything – being silly, being serious, asking nicely, and dancing around her, but each time the response was the same, a big fat “NO!” – Until Friday that is.
Friday was a pivotal moment for Megha and our group. In the afternoon we had a mass dance time with all the girls groups at camp – because each group had learned a part of the song routine. We all got into place on the floor and when the music started, Miss Hannah caught my attention to tell me Megha was dancing. Furthermore, to make things even more astounding – she was doing all the right steps, yet she hadn’t busted a single dance move the entire week! I felt victory and great joy welling up in my heart. Finally, she was dancing – and to top it all off, she was smiling too.
The principle involved was one of perseverance and patience. Many may have been frustrated or even tempted to give up on this stubborn little girl, but constant encouragement, silliness, and persistence led us to a beautiful moment of growth in Megha’s life. It was a moment worth celebrating. Our dance was finally complete, when everyone participated!
Reflecting on this experience I am reminded of how “slowly” the body of Christ seems to move forward in life. Sometimes our brothers and sisters are stubborn as mules and we feel like we are talking to brick walls, or not being heard/understood – all the while, we are being tested, and choosing to wait for that beautiful moment when the stubbornness is released is so worth the battle and perseverance to get there.
Friday, July 03, 2009
'Lord of my laughter'
Wednesday was a truly blessed day. As I reflect upon all the events, work, rewards, and blessings I encountered I cannot help but smile. There is nothing quite like jumping in a car with the Lord, driving four hours up the highway to see someone you love. Over the last week I have been fairly emotionally overwhelmed – only not in a frustrating, weighty way. Rather, I have been emotionally overwhelmed in the sense that I desire nothing more than to prance, skip, dance, and sing – all while declaring, “my cup overflows!” from Psalm 23. Surely the goodness of the Lord is worthy of our reverence, our faithfulness, our praise, our time, efforts, energy, motivations, aspirations, dreams, hopes, everything!
As I observed the EXALT youth choir ministering Wednesday I was thankful for the Lord’s goodness and bringing together this fine group of young people to learn more about Him, each other, and His love. My favorite song the choir sang struck deeply at my heart in a place the Lord has been recently investigating. The words to the song go something like this: “You’re the Lord of my days, the King of my nights – Lord of my laughter – Sovereign in sorrow – You’re the Prince of my Praise, Love of my Life, You never leave me, You’re always faithful…”
Let’s just say I noticed a little “dust on the mantle” in this area of my life and I needed that “white glove” reminder that purity of speech is essential. Granted I do not cuss up a storm, nor do I intentionally make cuts at people. In fact, I am a strong advocate against sarcasm and fictitious misleading remarks. However, I am human and quite vulnerable to slipping up in the sarcasm department once in awhile, when others around me practice it regularly. Sometimes I’m even guilty of laughing when others practice sarcasm.
Thankfully I notice it right away and though people always encourage me when I make those remarks saying things like “Good one!” I never find myself proud – rather I find myself backtracking in my mind with some small ounce of despair wondering how in the world my tongue managed to maneuver its way down that path to dispose those words upon some helpless person. Yikes!
This is important because as the choir sang I was reminded that Christ should be the ‘Lord of my laughter and the Prince of my praise’. I am reminded of a worship song that says, “On my lips there’s a shout of praise” and how the book of James speaks about how the tongue both blesses and curses – sometimes even in the same breath – that’s crazy and really motivates me to continually be conscious about what I say. I am not meant so speak by men’s standards, but rather by standards of holiness that honor both God and His creation with my actions, thoughts, and WORDS.
"Speak only that which is useful for building up the body of Christ..."
As I observed the EXALT youth choir ministering Wednesday I was thankful for the Lord’s goodness and bringing together this fine group of young people to learn more about Him, each other, and His love. My favorite song the choir sang struck deeply at my heart in a place the Lord has been recently investigating. The words to the song go something like this: “You’re the Lord of my days, the King of my nights – Lord of my laughter – Sovereign in sorrow – You’re the Prince of my Praise, Love of my Life, You never leave me, You’re always faithful…”
Let’s just say I noticed a little “dust on the mantle” in this area of my life and I needed that “white glove” reminder that purity of speech is essential. Granted I do not cuss up a storm, nor do I intentionally make cuts at people. In fact, I am a strong advocate against sarcasm and fictitious misleading remarks. However, I am human and quite vulnerable to slipping up in the sarcasm department once in awhile, when others around me practice it regularly. Sometimes I’m even guilty of laughing when others practice sarcasm.
Thankfully I notice it right away and though people always encourage me when I make those remarks saying things like “Good one!” I never find myself proud – rather I find myself backtracking in my mind with some small ounce of despair wondering how in the world my tongue managed to maneuver its way down that path to dispose those words upon some helpless person. Yikes!
This is important because as the choir sang I was reminded that Christ should be the ‘Lord of my laughter and the Prince of my praise’. I am reminded of a worship song that says, “On my lips there’s a shout of praise” and how the book of James speaks about how the tongue both blesses and curses – sometimes even in the same breath – that’s crazy and really motivates me to continually be conscious about what I say. I am not meant so speak by men’s standards, but rather by standards of holiness that honor both God and His creation with my actions, thoughts, and WORDS.
"Speak only that which is useful for building up the body of Christ..."
EXALT adventures
Drove up to Gastonia, NC on Wednesday to visit with my sister Weizi-lou and to watch the EXALT choir -from Bethany Bible College. While there I had a little adventure to the crafts store with my music director's wife and daughter and enjoyed a blessed time of worship led by the choir.
Friday, June 26, 2009
child-like faith
I noticed this afternoon that my heart grows fonder of the kids at this camp each day. With every scraped knee, sarcastic remark, smile, ‘light bulb’ thinking moment, and endless reminder to hush, pay attention, or get going, I am beginning to see the life – the purpose in this ministry. I think I entered the summer with some expectations about my teens especially, which have since been broken, refined, and altogether made different.
To see a child smile when you’ve hugged them, or to be pummeled over by their joyous excitement in seeing you – to hear other counselors or parents speak of how they always hear talk of you – to see the influence – the growth in their little hearts from one simple, precious ingredient – Love. I’m starting to see how every smile, silly prank, and moment spent listening with undivided attention means the world to these kids. They treasure the opportunity of saying goodbye to you, or telling you about their birthday. When you see them at the store, they remind you of how cool it was several days later.
My perception has changed somewhat – Camp Pathway is no longer just the place I’m doing my internship – or the place I am training young leaders to be good counselors – No. This place has become an endless battlefield where my only weapons are the power of the Spirit at work in and through me, His love, and my choice to depend upon and represent Christ in all I do. That’s it. No amount of treats, scolding, yelling sessions, or boring lectures will do. This is important because I have found myself bandaging more than wounded knees – there are countless little hearts bubbling over with childlike faith this world has hurt, rejected, discarded, and forgotten.
Reflecting on this, I am reminded of how Jesus told the disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him, and that we all should, following their example, approach Him with the same childlike faith – and trust. I think I finally realize, in full, that every smile, hug, wiped tear, bandaged knee, and moment spent playing silly games is one step closer to Heaven for these kids. The principle involved here is simple: I am a soldier – at war for the Kingdom. Right now, in the season, at this place, I fight for the hearts of little ones, seeking to protect them and love them so they may be led to the feet of Christ where healing, life, and the way are found. I fight for hearts – precious hearts in need of Christ’s love and purpose in them.
I am reminded of a quote my friend Adam once shared with me. The quality of this quote is important because its contents and implications have stuck with me for many years. He once told me, “Christy, the more you sweat in the training, the less you bleed in battle”. I know one thing for sure – I’ve done a whole lot of sweating in training thus far – and I know there is plenty more training to come – but when those battles come – I am finding myself more ready and better equipped to take up my cross – carrying forth the sword of the Spirit and seeing the enemy denied and demolished, both in my life and the lives of the little ones I have been chosen to care for. To God be the glory! May He continue to build ties with these precious ones and Himself.
To see a child smile when you’ve hugged them, or to be pummeled over by their joyous excitement in seeing you – to hear other counselors or parents speak of how they always hear talk of you – to see the influence – the growth in their little hearts from one simple, precious ingredient – Love. I’m starting to see how every smile, silly prank, and moment spent listening with undivided attention means the world to these kids. They treasure the opportunity of saying goodbye to you, or telling you about their birthday. When you see them at the store, they remind you of how cool it was several days later.
My perception has changed somewhat – Camp Pathway is no longer just the place I’m doing my internship – or the place I am training young leaders to be good counselors – No. This place has become an endless battlefield where my only weapons are the power of the Spirit at work in and through me, His love, and my choice to depend upon and represent Christ in all I do. That’s it. No amount of treats, scolding, yelling sessions, or boring lectures will do. This is important because I have found myself bandaging more than wounded knees – there are countless little hearts bubbling over with childlike faith this world has hurt, rejected, discarded, and forgotten.
Reflecting on this, I am reminded of how Jesus told the disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him, and that we all should, following their example, approach Him with the same childlike faith – and trust. I think I finally realize, in full, that every smile, hug, wiped tear, bandaged knee, and moment spent playing silly games is one step closer to Heaven for these kids. The principle involved here is simple: I am a soldier – at war for the Kingdom. Right now, in the season, at this place, I fight for the hearts of little ones, seeking to protect them and love them so they may be led to the feet of Christ where healing, life, and the way are found. I fight for hearts – precious hearts in need of Christ’s love and purpose in them.
I am reminded of a quote my friend Adam once shared with me. The quality of this quote is important because its contents and implications have stuck with me for many years. He once told me, “Christy, the more you sweat in the training, the less you bleed in battle”. I know one thing for sure – I’ve done a whole lot of sweating in training thus far – and I know there is plenty more training to come – but when those battles come – I am finding myself more ready and better equipped to take up my cross – carrying forth the sword of the Spirit and seeing the enemy denied and demolished, both in my life and the lives of the little ones I have been chosen to care for. To God be the glory! May He continue to build ties with these precious ones and Himself.
eternity at stake
If ever there was question regarding the importance of when and how to represent Christ in our words, thoughts, and actions, I was reminded once again today that such a lifestyle is necessary and vital for every moment and activity of our lives. Perhaps the Lord felt I needed a little extra stretching this week for in the last 24 hours I have acquired two new CITs for the week – bringing my total up to 11. Managing eleven teenagers without a co-counselor is a semi-overwhelming task, but by the grace of God, it is doable.
This morning during our session on the process of “Cooperative Problem Solving” and various skills involved, we were blessed with a strange visitor – a new CIT named Melissa. My perception at first was a little curious and interested. I noticed Melissa did not seem all that interested to be joining our group, and kept her head buried so we could see little of her face.
A few obvious things about Melissa that stood out to everyone were her bright blue hair, and her giant sharpie tattoo consuming the bulk of space on her wrist. My teens were in a bit of shock. I assumed asking her to share a bit about herself would be helpful to the group, but it only made them that much more overwhelmed. Melissa made a rather negative impression on our group with her first words, and followed this up by sharing of her aspirations to become a tattoo artist when she is older. When I put this together with her appearance I was not surprised.
Reflecting on the day I still hear clearly in my mind Melissa’s curiously sarcastic words, “Is this camp like all about God or something?” When I answered her, I never imagined the response I would receive. “I don’t believe in God. I’m an atheist”. I think she was a little caught off guard by my reaction to her claim. She proceeded to tell me that most people judge her because she is so weird. I instinctively felt the love of Christ welling up deep in my heart for this girl and fought her self put-downs with kind reminders of her uniqueness.
At the moment I was a little emotionally challenged and overwhelmed. I felt helpless. An atheist girl who doesn’t love Jesus? What in the world would I do? I stole away in a quiet room for a few minutes to ask for guidance and wisdom from the Lord – I knew without a doubt my greatest challenge was going to be to love this girl like Christ as hard, and intensely as I can this week – so I will leave a mark on her life – a mark of truth and life, of peace and joy, of love and promise, and of purpose through relationship with Christ. My thought process suddenly became not my own. It was now my purpose to impress on this little girl a sense of Christ’s love – even thought she has no belief or desire to believe in God.
I did find hope however as we spoke and I asked if we could have a conversation about what she believes. She told me religious people are not good at listening to her because they think she is wrong and weird, and she hates pretending to satisfy people. I told her she did not need to pretend, but I would like to hear her thoughts. She expressed potential for her desiring to research God “when she is older”, but for now she was satisfied not believing in Him. A sense of great urgency beat within my heart. This was important because it forced me to think differently – to see differently through a separate set of eyes – how a girl who does not know Jesus sadly, hopelessly, perceives the world and people around her. Sadly, Melissa believes that no one can really love her – that God does not love her – and that everyone has some sort of alternative agenda against her. This breaks my heart.
God provided a blessed opportunity for me to share my heart and brokenness for this girl with my CIT group – and to help them understand the urgency and importance of people knowing Christ. The very fact that eternity is at stake when someone refuses to follow Christ and live in relationship with Him is frightening. My kids even acknowledged how sad and scary it is to think that Melissa could go to hell if she lives a life without Jesus. This was important because I was able to have a serious, reality check heart-talk with my CITs about our whole life purpose. Their hearts were stirred, challenged, and questioned. It was an encouraging, blessed, and unifying time for our group.
I challenged my CITs by saying something to the affect of, “Look guys. I care for you – that’s why I’m here. Now we have three days, three more days! With Melissa – and we may be the only impression of Jesus she ever receives in her whole life – so can we rise to the challenge of loving on her like Christ, of showing her God’s love that we all know and share?” They all agreed to the challenge and things felt different as we walked away from our talking spot under the tree. There was a certain motivation, a sense of drive and purpose, a battlefield mentality to storm the gates of hell for this new girl we hope to see become a sister in the Lord!
Reflecting on the experience as a whole, I was reminded of something I prayed about last night – I told God I was tired of living “just a day, just an ordinary day” and that I wanted to live the extraordinary – the best – the hardest and toughest for His glory. Who knew He would kindly follow through by sending me an unbelieving little girl with a lot of deep hurts, lacking a sense of purpose and feeling much like a weird freak or outcast! Lord, breathe your Spirit in this place!
This morning during our session on the process of “Cooperative Problem Solving” and various skills involved, we were blessed with a strange visitor – a new CIT named Melissa. My perception at first was a little curious and interested. I noticed Melissa did not seem all that interested to be joining our group, and kept her head buried so we could see little of her face.
A few obvious things about Melissa that stood out to everyone were her bright blue hair, and her giant sharpie tattoo consuming the bulk of space on her wrist. My teens were in a bit of shock. I assumed asking her to share a bit about herself would be helpful to the group, but it only made them that much more overwhelmed. Melissa made a rather negative impression on our group with her first words, and followed this up by sharing of her aspirations to become a tattoo artist when she is older. When I put this together with her appearance I was not surprised.
Reflecting on the day I still hear clearly in my mind Melissa’s curiously sarcastic words, “Is this camp like all about God or something?” When I answered her, I never imagined the response I would receive. “I don’t believe in God. I’m an atheist”. I think she was a little caught off guard by my reaction to her claim. She proceeded to tell me that most people judge her because she is so weird. I instinctively felt the love of Christ welling up deep in my heart for this girl and fought her self put-downs with kind reminders of her uniqueness.
At the moment I was a little emotionally challenged and overwhelmed. I felt helpless. An atheist girl who doesn’t love Jesus? What in the world would I do? I stole away in a quiet room for a few minutes to ask for guidance and wisdom from the Lord – I knew without a doubt my greatest challenge was going to be to love this girl like Christ as hard, and intensely as I can this week – so I will leave a mark on her life – a mark of truth and life, of peace and joy, of love and promise, and of purpose through relationship with Christ. My thought process suddenly became not my own. It was now my purpose to impress on this little girl a sense of Christ’s love – even thought she has no belief or desire to believe in God.
I did find hope however as we spoke and I asked if we could have a conversation about what she believes. She told me religious people are not good at listening to her because they think she is wrong and weird, and she hates pretending to satisfy people. I told her she did not need to pretend, but I would like to hear her thoughts. She expressed potential for her desiring to research God “when she is older”, but for now she was satisfied not believing in Him. A sense of great urgency beat within my heart. This was important because it forced me to think differently – to see differently through a separate set of eyes – how a girl who does not know Jesus sadly, hopelessly, perceives the world and people around her. Sadly, Melissa believes that no one can really love her – that God does not love her – and that everyone has some sort of alternative agenda against her. This breaks my heart.
God provided a blessed opportunity for me to share my heart and brokenness for this girl with my CIT group – and to help them understand the urgency and importance of people knowing Christ. The very fact that eternity is at stake when someone refuses to follow Christ and live in relationship with Him is frightening. My kids even acknowledged how sad and scary it is to think that Melissa could go to hell if she lives a life without Jesus. This was important because I was able to have a serious, reality check heart-talk with my CITs about our whole life purpose. Their hearts were stirred, challenged, and questioned. It was an encouraging, blessed, and unifying time for our group.
I challenged my CITs by saying something to the affect of, “Look guys. I care for you – that’s why I’m here. Now we have three days, three more days! With Melissa – and we may be the only impression of Jesus she ever receives in her whole life – so can we rise to the challenge of loving on her like Christ, of showing her God’s love that we all know and share?” They all agreed to the challenge and things felt different as we walked away from our talking spot under the tree. There was a certain motivation, a sense of drive and purpose, a battlefield mentality to storm the gates of hell for this new girl we hope to see become a sister in the Lord!
Reflecting on the experience as a whole, I was reminded of something I prayed about last night – I told God I was tired of living “just a day, just an ordinary day” and that I wanted to live the extraordinary – the best – the hardest and toughest for His glory. Who knew He would kindly follow through by sending me an unbelieving little girl with a lot of deep hurts, lacking a sense of purpose and feeling much like a weird freak or outcast! Lord, breathe your Spirit in this place!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Happy Father's Day!
To the man who's watched me grow...
Comforted me when I cried...
Fought for me when I was wronged...
Disciplined me when I was sly...
Cheered for me when I needed support...
Believed in me when I was unsure...
Laughed with me about life...
Reminded me of where I come from...
Coached me from the sidelines and bleachers...
Loved me unconditionally no matter what.
To a the man I admire and cherish - including all your crazy kinks and characteristics. Happy Father's Day Dad! Love you!
22 years Daddy! You've done good!
(but remember...not without Mom's help and teamwork!
"It takes two baby...it takes two baby...woo!)
Comforted me when I cried...
Fought for me when I was wronged...
Disciplined me when I was sly...
Cheered for me when I needed support...
Believed in me when I was unsure...
Laughed with me about life...
Reminded me of where I come from...
Coached me from the sidelines and bleachers...
Loved me unconditionally no matter what.
To a the man I admire and cherish - including all your crazy kinks and characteristics. Happy Father's Day Dad! Love you!
22 years Daddy! You've done good!
(but remember...not without Mom's help and teamwork!
"It takes two baby...it takes two baby...woo!)
just a day, just an ordinary day
It seems as though the running theme the Lord continues to place in my path is a solid truth from Ephesians 3:20- "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might as or think". I've been seeing, reading and hearing this EVERYWHERE. Think I should maybe pay attention?
See...I think sometimes I am guilty of settling for just a day, just an ordinary day - and when I do, I find myself strangely at war with - myself. My heart aches and craves the Deep.
I'm reminded of a few phrases from a song that used to play on the radio during my early teen years, "just a day, just an ordinary day - just trying to get by - just a dream just an ordinary dream..." Why settle for the ordinary? What's the point? It's nothing special - it's just ordinary.
If you had the choice between a piece of freshly baked, drizzled with melting butter bread - or an ordinary piece of bread, which would you choose? Why?
So why do we settle for the ordinary things..when we could ask God for mind-boggling, seemingly impossible things through prayer - and believe for them - only to see Him be glorified in doing abundantly and infinitely more than we could EVER ask or even imagine?
I'm tired of ordinary days. I want to live a life of adventurous belief in the One who is ABLE...through His mighty power at work within me...do do infinitely more than I could ever ask or imagine. Why? I serve a mighty God...why not allow Him to use me for His mighty works - weak and unworthy as I am?
His love - His peace - His joy - His promises - His faithfulness - everything about Him is extravagant...why not live in pursuit and devotion to Him with the most extravagant effort we can muster? Lord help me to see...to know...to trust...to rest...to go...and to be.
See...I think sometimes I am guilty of settling for just a day, just an ordinary day - and when I do, I find myself strangely at war with - myself. My heart aches and craves the Deep.
I'm reminded of a few phrases from a song that used to play on the radio during my early teen years, "just a day, just an ordinary day - just trying to get by - just a dream just an ordinary dream..." Why settle for the ordinary? What's the point? It's nothing special - it's just ordinary.
If you had the choice between a piece of freshly baked, drizzled with melting butter bread - or an ordinary piece of bread, which would you choose? Why?
So why do we settle for the ordinary things..when we could ask God for mind-boggling, seemingly impossible things through prayer - and believe for them - only to see Him be glorified in doing abundantly and infinitely more than we could EVER ask or even imagine?
I'm tired of ordinary days. I want to live a life of adventurous belief in the One who is ABLE...through His mighty power at work within me...do do infinitely more than I could ever ask or imagine. Why? I serve a mighty God...why not allow Him to use me for His mighty works - weak and unworthy as I am?
His love - His peace - His joy - His promises - His faithfulness - everything about Him is extravagant...why not live in pursuit and devotion to Him with the most extravagant effort we can muster? Lord help me to see...to know...to trust...to rest...to go...and to be.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Visiting the Georgia Aquarium
My roommate Sarah Waddell visited me for the weekend a two weeks ago and we ventured to Atlanta where we explored the world's largest aquarium - the Georgia Aquarium. It was a captivating, fun, child-like experience! Here are some glimpses of what we got to see and were amazed by! God is so creative - it baffles my mind how we try to capture the beauty of the oceans deep - and yet so much remains unknown, undiscovered, and untouched by human eyes, minds, or hands. Places like this always make me smile. What a powerful God we serve eh?
Friday, June 19, 2009
becoming a jewel
I really appreciate when people take time out of their day to invest in the lives of others. I especially appreciate when I am on the receiving end of some of this “loving” and receive an e-mail, a letter, or a quick little note, just expressing that someone, somewhere for whatever reason is glad I am alive, believes in me, and mostly, loves me. Reflecting on an e-mail I received the other day from my dear sister Aisha, I feel both encouraged and blessed.
She shared something she had learned recently in a book she was reading about jewels. Perhaps I assumed, like many people, that the process for creating jewels is rather uncomplicated. Apparently, I was wrong. The process of a jewel’s creation is hard work, requiring much sifting and chipping away so it may glimmer and shine brilliantly as a true gem. This is important because all jewels begin as plain ol’ rocks. There’s nothing particularly special about them other than the fact that they need an awful lot of work done to them to work them into the jewel they were always meant to be.
Aisha shared with me that for a plain ol’ rock to become a jewel it involves a rather grueling process of being tested and lashed by the elements. It must endure winds, rains, fire, chipping away, and so much more so it may be slashed, tossed, and turned, eventually becoming a brilliant jewel! When I put this together with the sometimes grueling process of becoming more like Christ, I realize how greatly we are in need of God’s grace and how very thankful I am for His chipping away on me to become His masterpiece!
We too are like precious jewels before the King of Kings. He deserves nothing but the best, and yet He still chooses plain ol’ rocks to be tested, tried, worked on, and loved on – so He can watch as they become the brilliant jewels He created them to be – to break free of their plain ol’ rocky selves. The logic behind this whole process ties in wonderfully with where I feel I am at in this season and journey of life: internship. Concerning fire, it was 103 boiling degrees outside today – so the Lord is certainly testing me by bringing on the head. My heart too is being stretched to love in new capacities I never imagined possible before.
When I put this together with everything I am learning and enduring, I see the hope and the growth present in my life. I recognize how there is still much work to be done on me – much more tossing and turning on the jagged rocks around me and enduring the elements – so I may be stripped of my rocky self and made into the brilliant, beautiful, lively jewel the King desires me to be – that I may reflect His Majesty!
She shared something she had learned recently in a book she was reading about jewels. Perhaps I assumed, like many people, that the process for creating jewels is rather uncomplicated. Apparently, I was wrong. The process of a jewel’s creation is hard work, requiring much sifting and chipping away so it may glimmer and shine brilliantly as a true gem. This is important because all jewels begin as plain ol’ rocks. There’s nothing particularly special about them other than the fact that they need an awful lot of work done to them to work them into the jewel they were always meant to be.
Aisha shared with me that for a plain ol’ rock to become a jewel it involves a rather grueling process of being tested and lashed by the elements. It must endure winds, rains, fire, chipping away, and so much more so it may be slashed, tossed, and turned, eventually becoming a brilliant jewel! When I put this together with the sometimes grueling process of becoming more like Christ, I realize how greatly we are in need of God’s grace and how very thankful I am for His chipping away on me to become His masterpiece!
We too are like precious jewels before the King of Kings. He deserves nothing but the best, and yet He still chooses plain ol’ rocks to be tested, tried, worked on, and loved on – so He can watch as they become the brilliant jewels He created them to be – to break free of their plain ol’ rocky selves. The logic behind this whole process ties in wonderfully with where I feel I am at in this season and journey of life: internship. Concerning fire, it was 103 boiling degrees outside today – so the Lord is certainly testing me by bringing on the head. My heart too is being stretched to love in new capacities I never imagined possible before.
When I put this together with everything I am learning and enduring, I see the hope and the growth present in my life. I recognize how there is still much work to be done on me – much more tossing and turning on the jagged rocks around me and enduring the elements – so I may be stripped of my rocky self and made into the brilliant, beautiful, lively jewel the King desires me to be – that I may reflect His Majesty!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
lovin' for real
Mother Theresa said, “Intense love does not measure – it just gives!” I think this really hard to comprehend and yet I am faced with situations every day that call me to choose to love like this – to love like Christ. I know God doesn’t give us spankings, but He sure does give us a good thump or two once in awhile with His word – and depending on our stubbornness we may get a little boot in the rump too. This is important because I find it necessary to be constantly reminded just how imperfect I really am, and how blessed I am to bare the mark of God’s grace upon my heart.
I think one of the hardest things about desiring to love intensely, without measuring is that we want to protect it, to guide it, to make sure it gets where it is supposed to be going without any bumps and bruises along the way, when in reality – I am an imperfect person and therefore, my love is not perfect love. Christ’s love is though – and “perfect love casts out all fear”. I relate this thought to yet another statement I heard the other day, “Don’t love cautiously. Love extravagantly!” Wow!
One of the hardest things for me to swallow lately has been realizing that I have a whole lot of people in my life who do not necessarily “measure” up in loving me – and that hurts, a lot actually. Some people do a real crummy job loving on those they care most about. I relate this thought to something I learned in PLC. Prez often reminded us, “If you love greatly – you can hurt greatly”. This reminder has been stamped on my heart – and even though I understand the consequences of loving greatly, my heart has also come to understand that aching greatly is not always fun, but it is remarkably beautiful!
In Family Life Ministry last semester Pastor Elliott astounded me week after week with facts and statistics about the makeup and general wellbeing of family in our world today. To be rather blunt, “family these days ain’t all it’s cracked up to be” and in many cases, it just plain ol’ stinks. I realized the need for me to really LOVE my CITs because a lot of them do not see nor receive Christ-like love through their “families”.
Yesterday my teens said, “Miss Christy, why are you so patient with us? If I were you, I would be screaming my head off at us.” I realized I do not need to yell or scream at these teens, even though they do a pretty crummy job of listening to anything and everything I say or ask of them. My perception is pretty one-sided because I only see them during the day, and perhaps these kids already have enough people to yell at them in their lives. The principle involved here was one of patience, yes, but underneath, I also think I am learning to really love. I am far from perfect in this, but I have freedom in expressing myself so as not to hurt or wound those I am expressing myself toward.
Dr. Maurice Watson, the senior pastor at the Beulahland Bible Church I have begun attending said something to the effect of this in his sermon on Sunday concerning the words we speak, “Listen child of God, the English language is broad enough for you to express yourself - even when you’re angry, without any need for vulgarity or insult to enter the mix”. My reaction to this is simply shouting “TRUTH!” just like we do in Personal Evangelism with Mike MacNeil when someone accepts Christ in their lives, “TRUTH!”
I think one of the hardest things about desiring to love intensely, without measuring is that we want to protect it, to guide it, to make sure it gets where it is supposed to be going without any bumps and bruises along the way, when in reality – I am an imperfect person and therefore, my love is not perfect love. Christ’s love is though – and “perfect love casts out all fear”. I relate this thought to yet another statement I heard the other day, “Don’t love cautiously. Love extravagantly!” Wow!
One of the hardest things for me to swallow lately has been realizing that I have a whole lot of people in my life who do not necessarily “measure” up in loving me – and that hurts, a lot actually. Some people do a real crummy job loving on those they care most about. I relate this thought to something I learned in PLC. Prez often reminded us, “If you love greatly – you can hurt greatly”. This reminder has been stamped on my heart – and even though I understand the consequences of loving greatly, my heart has also come to understand that aching greatly is not always fun, but it is remarkably beautiful!
In Family Life Ministry last semester Pastor Elliott astounded me week after week with facts and statistics about the makeup and general wellbeing of family in our world today. To be rather blunt, “family these days ain’t all it’s cracked up to be” and in many cases, it just plain ol’ stinks. I realized the need for me to really LOVE my CITs because a lot of them do not see nor receive Christ-like love through their “families”.
Yesterday my teens said, “Miss Christy, why are you so patient with us? If I were you, I would be screaming my head off at us.” I realized I do not need to yell or scream at these teens, even though they do a pretty crummy job of listening to anything and everything I say or ask of them. My perception is pretty one-sided because I only see them during the day, and perhaps these kids already have enough people to yell at them in their lives. The principle involved here was one of patience, yes, but underneath, I also think I am learning to really love. I am far from perfect in this, but I have freedom in expressing myself so as not to hurt or wound those I am expressing myself toward.
Dr. Maurice Watson, the senior pastor at the Beulahland Bible Church I have begun attending said something to the effect of this in his sermon on Sunday concerning the words we speak, “Listen child of God, the English language is broad enough for you to express yourself - even when you’re angry, without any need for vulgarity or insult to enter the mix”. My reaction to this is simply shouting “TRUTH!” just like we do in Personal Evangelism with Mike MacNeil when someone accepts Christ in their lives, “TRUTH!”
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
unity in the body of Christ
For a long span of time I have felt ‘out of place’ or like an outsider. I was emotionally drained from “church hopping” for the last two and a half years. Being at school and a member of ministry teams allowed me to be exposed to a vast array of churches, but it also gave me an opportunity to analyze and to heart-critique the environments I was choosing to worship in. After a whole lot of frustration, tears, anger, attitude, and careful thought I began to develop deep in my heart a core set of truths which, when not present in a worship service, I find my heart grieved. It has been a long time since I attended a church service and saw people come forward to accept Jesus in their hearts, trusting He will change them and bring LIFE to their being.
When I was first preparing to move to Macon for my internship I began to search for churches on the internet. Despite all the hurt and frustration the organization and institution of “church” has caused me over the last few years, I still realize the great importance in being connected with the Body of Christ. This does not mean I find it necessary to be connected to a building, nor am I an advocate of rules, planned services, and structure.
While I understand the necessity of these things, within reason, I also believe in balance, and freedom. I am a huge fan of freedom, and when it comes to worshipping the Lord, I am all about freedom. My perception of worship has led me to believe that we are to worship in *Spirit* and in *Truth*. In my searches, I came across Beulahland Bible Church. After searching their website, I assumed this church may be some sort of mega church and I wasn't overly impressed nor tugged to pursue attending or discovering what the Lord may have for me there.
Yesterday I went to Beulahland Bible Church and the presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet and thick, and welcome that I began to weep. My heart was being restored and refreshed with each breath I took. My roommate Sarah visited me for the weekend and we stood, swaying and clapping, smiling, and weeping in the presence of the Lord, as the only two white people in the building.
In a sea of beautiful black and brown I felt sense of home unlike anything I have felt at church in a very long time. This was important because the Lord began to speak healing, peace, and rest in my heart. I was emotionally overwhelmed, humbled, broken, and restored so my cup was overflowing with the sweetness of the Holy Spirit. The people in this church communicated a deep desire to meet with God, and to be united as one.
I related this to something I have been reading in my morning devotions over the last week about the church community/body of believers in Acts, who we are told were “one in mind and spirit”. When prayer time came in the service, we were instructed to take the hands of those beside us. As I looked across the church, row after row, person after person was connected to their neighbor in a beautiful display of love and honor for the Lord. We all prayed together, as a “body of believers” holding hands, and holding one another up, though we were all bent beneath different loads of craziness. This revealed true unity to my heart and showed me what it is I have been so earnestly searching for. I plan on attending this church in the future and getting involved.
I noticed the pastor’s care in delivering solid Biblical truth and was appreciative of his message. The Lord spoke through this stranger of a man, in a beautiful place of worship and openness to the Spirit to my heart; so much so, that I felt led to share a portion of the message principles with my CIT group this morning during my teaching time. The logic behind this involved the intention of solidifying what I heard yesterday in my life and heart so I may live up to a higher standard of holiness before God that points others to Him and gives Him all glory, honor, and praise. This is important because I must practice the truth I speak and teach others, in order that I may live it fully, understand it, accept it, and grow in it. God is faithful!
When I was first preparing to move to Macon for my internship I began to search for churches on the internet. Despite all the hurt and frustration the organization and institution of “church” has caused me over the last few years, I still realize the great importance in being connected with the Body of Christ. This does not mean I find it necessary to be connected to a building, nor am I an advocate of rules, planned services, and structure.
While I understand the necessity of these things, within reason, I also believe in balance, and freedom. I am a huge fan of freedom, and when it comes to worshipping the Lord, I am all about freedom. My perception of worship has led me to believe that we are to worship in *Spirit* and in *Truth*. In my searches, I came across Beulahland Bible Church. After searching their website, I assumed this church may be some sort of mega church and I wasn't overly impressed nor tugged to pursue attending or discovering what the Lord may have for me there.
Yesterday I went to Beulahland Bible Church and the presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet and thick, and welcome that I began to weep. My heart was being restored and refreshed with each breath I took. My roommate Sarah visited me for the weekend and we stood, swaying and clapping, smiling, and weeping in the presence of the Lord, as the only two white people in the building.
In a sea of beautiful black and brown I felt sense of home unlike anything I have felt at church in a very long time. This was important because the Lord began to speak healing, peace, and rest in my heart. I was emotionally overwhelmed, humbled, broken, and restored so my cup was overflowing with the sweetness of the Holy Spirit. The people in this church communicated a deep desire to meet with God, and to be united as one.
I related this to something I have been reading in my morning devotions over the last week about the church community/body of believers in Acts, who we are told were “one in mind and spirit”. When prayer time came in the service, we were instructed to take the hands of those beside us. As I looked across the church, row after row, person after person was connected to their neighbor in a beautiful display of love and honor for the Lord. We all prayed together, as a “body of believers” holding hands, and holding one another up, though we were all bent beneath different loads of craziness. This revealed true unity to my heart and showed me what it is I have been so earnestly searching for. I plan on attending this church in the future and getting involved.
I noticed the pastor’s care in delivering solid Biblical truth and was appreciative of his message. The Lord spoke through this stranger of a man, in a beautiful place of worship and openness to the Spirit to my heart; so much so, that I felt led to share a portion of the message principles with my CIT group this morning during my teaching time. The logic behind this involved the intention of solidifying what I heard yesterday in my life and heart so I may live up to a higher standard of holiness before God that points others to Him and gives Him all glory, honor, and praise. This is important because I must practice the truth I speak and teach others, in order that I may live it fully, understand it, accept it, and grow in it. God is faithful!
really letting go
I was reminded today that I cannot change people. I cannot make people fall in love with Christ, and I certainly cannot make people experience a deep sense of God’s love. The only things I can do are to rest – in Christ, and trust as He molds, breaks, mends, and fashions me more into His likeness, that I will point others to His healing strong right hand. The only hand capable of upholding us in times of struggle, grief, sorrow, pain, joy, praise, everything! I can only strive to look “more like my Daddy” in Heaven, and be held accountable for how I choose to spend and distribute my time, energy, resources, and affections.
The Bible is clear in giving us the appropriate focus of where our minds and hearts should be. 1 John 5:21 says, “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts”. Proverbs 4:23 echoes this plea urging us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course off your life”. Reflecting on these verses in Scripture, I am reminded how the Lord often reminds me of the importance of loving Him above all else. Many of us in the world struggle to love, with all of ourselves, the very God who gave His life for us. For me! I am so unworthy of such a beloved, selfless gift of Love! True, real love!
This was an important realization for me because I also recognize how greatly I desire to share this love with others and how important it is that I take action sharing it. Atlantic, a band of worshipers and dear brothers in Christ, recorded a song on their worship album in which the lyrics powerfully proclaim the deep aching desire of my heart for the Lord and to live for Him alone, “All I am, for all You are – nothing else can satisfy God, all I am, for all You are, nothing else can satisfy God...”. Nothing else, but all of us satisfies this all-powerful, loving, jealous God. Nothing!! I want SO badly for young people, this generation, my generation, to behold and embrace this truth! My heart and my flesh cry out – for the Living God!
I noticed an intense desire and drive this morning in my heart as I led my CIT leadership group in a time of quiet, reflective, creative worship. We set up our classroom to be an environment that was rather peaceful and I played music softly in the background to help the teens feel less awkward about writing, drawing, praying, meeting and communing with God. I assumed this would be a difficult challenge for several persons in my group and I found my perception to be correct, however, I also assumed at one point that no one was really getting out of this experience, what I felt they should be. That’s when God clunked me on the head and reminded me, “Christy, you cannot make people love Me”. Ouch!
The logic behind this is simple: I can’t – that’s the truth! I was emotionally a little distraught, humbled, and peacefully assured, all at the same time. We shared a discussion time following our quiet time and with the exception of two teens, I received very positive feedback. They all desired to share this experience again. They communicated an interest in different ways of worshipping God and expressed their thankfulness for peace and quiet to think about God and to just “be”. I hate how the enemy can cause disappointing, distracting thoughts in our minds.
I assumed, from the outside that nothing was happening in their hearts – that they maybe even thought I was foolish for ever making them participate in such a “boring activity” – but once again, I was wrong, and God’s Spirit, I trust and know is working in the deepest chambers of their hearts, on a level I have no ability nor right to perceive – and that is what matters. It’s not me, not my feelings, not even my ability to please or get through to the group – all that matters is Christ’s love for them and their journey in learning to accept it and live as children who know the Father’s love – deeply! I still have a LOT of growing to do – but AMEN for that and PRAISE be to God who patiently walks with me directing me along His path – baby step by baby step.
The Bible is clear in giving us the appropriate focus of where our minds and hearts should be. 1 John 5:21 says, “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts”. Proverbs 4:23 echoes this plea urging us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course off your life”. Reflecting on these verses in Scripture, I am reminded how the Lord often reminds me of the importance of loving Him above all else. Many of us in the world struggle to love, with all of ourselves, the very God who gave His life for us. For me! I am so unworthy of such a beloved, selfless gift of Love! True, real love!
This was an important realization for me because I also recognize how greatly I desire to share this love with others and how important it is that I take action sharing it. Atlantic, a band of worshipers and dear brothers in Christ, recorded a song on their worship album in which the lyrics powerfully proclaim the deep aching desire of my heart for the Lord and to live for Him alone, “All I am, for all You are – nothing else can satisfy God, all I am, for all You are, nothing else can satisfy God...”. Nothing else, but all of us satisfies this all-powerful, loving, jealous God. Nothing!! I want SO badly for young people, this generation, my generation, to behold and embrace this truth! My heart and my flesh cry out – for the Living God!
I noticed an intense desire and drive this morning in my heart as I led my CIT leadership group in a time of quiet, reflective, creative worship. We set up our classroom to be an environment that was rather peaceful and I played music softly in the background to help the teens feel less awkward about writing, drawing, praying, meeting and communing with God. I assumed this would be a difficult challenge for several persons in my group and I found my perception to be correct, however, I also assumed at one point that no one was really getting out of this experience, what I felt they should be. That’s when God clunked me on the head and reminded me, “Christy, you cannot make people love Me”. Ouch!
The logic behind this is simple: I can’t – that’s the truth! I was emotionally a little distraught, humbled, and peacefully assured, all at the same time. We shared a discussion time following our quiet time and with the exception of two teens, I received very positive feedback. They all desired to share this experience again. They communicated an interest in different ways of worshipping God and expressed their thankfulness for peace and quiet to think about God and to just “be”. I hate how the enemy can cause disappointing, distracting thoughts in our minds.
I assumed, from the outside that nothing was happening in their hearts – that they maybe even thought I was foolish for ever making them participate in such a “boring activity” – but once again, I was wrong, and God’s Spirit, I trust and know is working in the deepest chambers of their hearts, on a level I have no ability nor right to perceive – and that is what matters. It’s not me, not my feelings, not even my ability to please or get through to the group – all that matters is Christ’s love for them and their journey in learning to accept it and live as children who know the Father’s love – deeply! I still have a LOT of growing to do – but AMEN for that and PRAISE be to God who patiently walks with me directing me along His path – baby step by baby step.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
visiting great gram
On our way down to Georgia we stopped into Great Gram's nursing home to visit her.
What a beautiful, sweet lady she is. She is turning 90 in October!
I'd missed her a lot and haven't seen her in a few years - though her mind and hearing are a little weak and weary at times - she is still quite the little story teller with a whole lot of love bubbling in her heart!
I was reminded as we visited how important it is to stay in touch with our loved ones. People are of greatest value - each one unique in their own way. We should choose to willingly love one another without an agenda and to embrace the blessed opportunities we are given to invest in the lives of those around us - we never know when or if these opportunities will come again!
What a beautiful, sweet lady she is. She is turning 90 in October!
I'd missed her a lot and haven't seen her in a few years - though her mind and hearing are a little weak and weary at times - she is still quite the little story teller with a whole lot of love bubbling in her heart!
I was reminded as we visited how important it is to stay in touch with our loved ones. People are of greatest value - each one unique in their own way. We should choose to willingly love one another without an agenda and to embrace the blessed opportunities we are given to invest in the lives of those around us - we never know when or if these opportunities will come again!
Monday, June 01, 2009
A Glimpse of Internship (Reflection #1)
Welcome to Hephzibah Ministries! This is my home in Georgia for the next 6 months! This is the sign by the road that welcomes everyone to the Hephzibah campus. Nestled a small, yet quaint way back in the woods, this spot is a quiet, sunshiny, and beautiful spot for the community and residential outreach Hephzibah does.Here is a glimpse of where I am living on this internship adventure!
This is the gymnasium at Hephzibah where the Camp Pathway office is located as well as an indoor pool, gymnasium and mini-theatre. We have spent a lot of time in this facility for training and preparing for camp thus far.
Here is our Camp Pathway sign - many of these are posted along the roadway leading up to the heart of Hephzibah's campus to direct campers to our day-camp programming.
Random number? Nah just a caution and reminder to GO SLOW...there are children around. These comical, yet serious speed limit signs marked 17 mph are legitimate and posted all along the roadway at Hephzibah. As a result of people's tendency to go WAY too fast, there have also been speed bumps added today to ensure people take the 17 mph warning seriously!
This is the dining hall where we eat the large majority of our meals with residents before or after our workday activities.
Here is one of the street signs on campus. All the roads have cute, kid friendly names reminding us that we are at a ministry facility aimed at ministering to the hearts of children.
This is House 105 where I reside at Hephzibah along with 6 other ladies who are working for the summer. Beautiful, eh?
Here is our large kitchen where we cook together on the weekends.
This place is a good reminder of home!
Here is our upstairs living room where we sometimes sit together and watch "chick flicks" or favorite old Disney movies on the first televisions ever invented (we're not really sure about this, but it is really old!).
Here is my bedroom where I catch beauty sleep each night and work on projects for internship! Each of the girls in our house has their own room, with the exception of two who share.
This is our bathroom...as you may notice there are urinals in the background. This is rather comical for a house full of girls. However, we are living in what used to be the Junior Boys home. However, the state ruled that children under the age of 13 are no longer allowed to live in group home settings, so Hephzibah is now only able to facilitate housing for 13-18 year olds and college age independent students.
This is me playing the piano in our living room. I've been practicing all Mrs. Klob taught me last semester and enjoyed some wonderful worship times in the quietness of our living room. My piano skills are increasing and so is my heart for leading worship. This piano, though it carries nearly a third of sticky keys has been a giant blessing for me. It's how I unwind or just think from a long day.
This is Mrs. Charlane (my supervisor) and myself. She is a wonderful woman of God with a passionate heart for the work of the Kingdom.
Here is a picture from the Whistle Stop Cafe in Juliette Georgia (home of the movie set Fried Green Tomatoes). Some of the people I am working with this summer are in the photo enjoying fried green tomatoes n' sweet tea.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
spotting the snakes
Yesterday we got a tour of the wooded nature trails and I learned perhaps one of the most valuable pieces of information thus far in my “beware of creepy critters” file in my mind: the obvious difference between poisonous and non-poisonous snakes. The difference lies in the shape of their head.
It is rather comical to consider that non-poisonous snakes are rather plain in color and tend to blend in with their surroundings. They have a round shaped head that follows the contour of their body and do not change shape as they slither around on the ground. The poisonous snakes however, have a diamond shaped head, and tend to attract great curiosity. They may have pretty skin-tones (copperhead) or make inviting noises (rattlers), and yet their bite may be lethal, especially babies because their venom is so potent.
As I consider and reflect upon this nature lesson from a distance, my mind has begun to relate the nature and makeup of these poisonous and non-poisonous snakes to people we encounter in our lives each day. It is easy most of the time for us to recognize plain ol’ snakes and to shoo them away, to flick them off the trail we are so obediently walking on. However, it is not only difficult to handle the poisonous ones. We sometimes lose sight of the lethality of their bite and perhaps even compromise our caution in trying to “handle” them in a situation.
The charm and fright of the noise they produce, the colors of their skin, or maybe even the thrill of exploring just a “little bit” off the trail tend to distract us just long enough to be struck. James chapter 3 speaks about the tongue being “filled with deadly poison”. Likewise, so are some of the “snakes” we allow into our lives without a second thought. They represent the “snakes” that distract or lure us off the safety of the trail. I want to be vigilant and wise in steering clear of the poisonous snakes that try to lure me off the correct pathway. I am reminded that the only way I can accomplish this is by resting in, trusting, and relying upon the Word.
It is rather comical to consider that non-poisonous snakes are rather plain in color and tend to blend in with their surroundings. They have a round shaped head that follows the contour of their body and do not change shape as they slither around on the ground. The poisonous snakes however, have a diamond shaped head, and tend to attract great curiosity. They may have pretty skin-tones (copperhead) or make inviting noises (rattlers), and yet their bite may be lethal, especially babies because their venom is so potent.
As I consider and reflect upon this nature lesson from a distance, my mind has begun to relate the nature and makeup of these poisonous and non-poisonous snakes to people we encounter in our lives each day. It is easy most of the time for us to recognize plain ol’ snakes and to shoo them away, to flick them off the trail we are so obediently walking on. However, it is not only difficult to handle the poisonous ones. We sometimes lose sight of the lethality of their bite and perhaps even compromise our caution in trying to “handle” them in a situation.
The charm and fright of the noise they produce, the colors of their skin, or maybe even the thrill of exploring just a “little bit” off the trail tend to distract us just long enough to be struck. James chapter 3 speaks about the tongue being “filled with deadly poison”. Likewise, so are some of the “snakes” we allow into our lives without a second thought. They represent the “snakes” that distract or lure us off the safety of the trail. I want to be vigilant and wise in steering clear of the poisonous snakes that try to lure me off the correct pathway. I am reminded that the only way I can accomplish this is by resting in, trusting, and relying upon the Word.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
unexpected friendly company
Just over a week ago, I arrived in Macon, Georgia with my parents, ready to explore where I will be living for the next six months. The week flew by complete with three days of intensive life guarding and First Aid/CPR training. As Sunday rolled around I was ready for some rest. Some of the residents invited me and a few of my housemates to attend church with them about ten minutes away from the facility. This was a good opportunity to reconnect in the body of Christ and to worship the Lord freely. I was reminded however, that big lights and distracting movements are rather unappealing when one leads worship, and that it is not a matter of how giant the stage, nor how grand the decorations or marvelous the facility, but it is Christ alive in us, in our hearts, and the grandness of His presence beating, breathing, and overflowing in and through our lives.
Later Sunday evening we were invited to the Macon Wesleyan Church to share in fellowship at a church barbeque. The closeness and intimacy of this small group of people blessed my heart. Their warm smiles and openness in conversation helped me flee from any temptation to be shy in a new environment. Matt, one of our staff leaders gave us a tour of some of the beautiful neighborhoods around us and I was captivated by the glory and beauty of God in the Georgia landscape as the sun closed on a rather intense and busy week.
Memorial Day for me marked the official start and beginning of my internship journey. Today was a good day for reflection and rest as we prepare for yet another intense week of staff training beginning tomorrow morning bright n’ early at 8:00am. My supervisor visited our house tonight to meet with myself and the other six girls who I will be living with this summer at Hephzibah. We were reminded that we are to set an example for the residents here and what is expected of us this summer as camp-staff and young adult representatives of Christ. It felt good to finally connect as an entire group and to gauge the dynamics of what our living arrangement for the summer has in store.
I spent the better part of the morning at the health clinic down the road waiting to be seen for swimmer’s ear. I woke up knowing that I had likely developed swimmer’s ear from all our rescuing and time spent in the pool last week during lifeguard training. However, the Lord is always faithful in providing divine appointments when we least expect them. Busily reading a book for internship Mrs. Charlane assigned to me, I sat, ear throbbing, only to be greeted by the pleasant smile of an older woman. She inquired about whether or not my book was Christian and I told her it was written from a Christian perspective and then shared with her my love for the Lord only to watch as her husbands grin grew larger and deeper into his face. This was a bit of a challenge for me to speak about the Lord in a hospital clinic, but my heart felt at rest and overjoyed at the opportunity. They in turn shared their love for Jesus as well and we spent the next two hours in conversation (though they did most of the talking) as we waited.
What amazed me most about this couple was their shamelessness and passion for Christ. Their lives of devotion and loyalty were evident as they spoke and interacted with people at the clinic. I soon learned that The Popes celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary just a few days ago and they were quick to share with me the testimony of God’s blessings in their lives over their lifetime. Just as they are dedicated to one another, they are seemingly also dedicated to the Lord. Sometimes being sick can be a drag, but I know the Lord showed His purpose in this visit.
I hope and pray to one day share a devoted life of love and service to Christ with whoever my future husband may be. In the meantime, I hope to be empowered by the Lord to have many more conversations and divine appointments with the people in Macon, GA about the love of Jesus Christ. After all, this is what life is truly ALL about!
Later Sunday evening we were invited to the Macon Wesleyan Church to share in fellowship at a church barbeque. The closeness and intimacy of this small group of people blessed my heart. Their warm smiles and openness in conversation helped me flee from any temptation to be shy in a new environment. Matt, one of our staff leaders gave us a tour of some of the beautiful neighborhoods around us and I was captivated by the glory and beauty of God in the Georgia landscape as the sun closed on a rather intense and busy week.
Memorial Day for me marked the official start and beginning of my internship journey. Today was a good day for reflection and rest as we prepare for yet another intense week of staff training beginning tomorrow morning bright n’ early at 8:00am. My supervisor visited our house tonight to meet with myself and the other six girls who I will be living with this summer at Hephzibah. We were reminded that we are to set an example for the residents here and what is expected of us this summer as camp-staff and young adult representatives of Christ. It felt good to finally connect as an entire group and to gauge the dynamics of what our living arrangement for the summer has in store.
I spent the better part of the morning at the health clinic down the road waiting to be seen for swimmer’s ear. I woke up knowing that I had likely developed swimmer’s ear from all our rescuing and time spent in the pool last week during lifeguard training. However, the Lord is always faithful in providing divine appointments when we least expect them. Busily reading a book for internship Mrs. Charlane assigned to me, I sat, ear throbbing, only to be greeted by the pleasant smile of an older woman. She inquired about whether or not my book was Christian and I told her it was written from a Christian perspective and then shared with her my love for the Lord only to watch as her husbands grin grew larger and deeper into his face. This was a bit of a challenge for me to speak about the Lord in a hospital clinic, but my heart felt at rest and overjoyed at the opportunity. They in turn shared their love for Jesus as well and we spent the next two hours in conversation (though they did most of the talking) as we waited.
What amazed me most about this couple was their shamelessness and passion for Christ. Their lives of devotion and loyalty were evident as they spoke and interacted with people at the clinic. I soon learned that The Popes celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary just a few days ago and they were quick to share with me the testimony of God’s blessings in their lives over their lifetime. Just as they are dedicated to one another, they are seemingly also dedicated to the Lord. Sometimes being sick can be a drag, but I know the Lord showed His purpose in this visit.
I hope and pray to one day share a devoted life of love and service to Christ with whoever my future husband may be. In the meantime, I hope to be empowered by the Lord to have many more conversations and divine appointments with the people in Macon, GA about the love of Jesus Christ. After all, this is what life is truly ALL about!
Monday, May 25, 2009
transitioning and preparing
I became a lifeguard this week.
We had a few days of intense training - and fun staff bonding.
Staff training for camp and our summer preparation will be in full swing this week.
I'm excited to see what God has in store for this next season of internship.
I'm blown away by His daily faithfulness and outpouring of love.
Developed swimmer's ear and had to get some ear drops today at the clinic.
Met an older couple who, this week, celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary.
It blows me away how people can spend an entire *lifetime* together.
I hope one day to love like this - to share a life for the glory of God.
I trust that though I don't know who "he" is yet, that God is right now raising up and preparing a wonderful, faithful, strong, and consistent man of God to be my husband - who values purity, lives with Christ at the center of all he does and thinks, and whose character is a reflection of the Lord.
I'll update later on this week about intern adventures.
I appreciate your prayers and thoughts! God bless!
We had a few days of intense training - and fun staff bonding.
Staff training for camp and our summer preparation will be in full swing this week.
I'm excited to see what God has in store for this next season of internship.
I'm blown away by His daily faithfulness and outpouring of love.
Developed swimmer's ear and had to get some ear drops today at the clinic.
Met an older couple who, this week, celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary.
It blows me away how people can spend an entire *lifetime* together.
I hope one day to love like this - to share a life for the glory of God.
I trust that though I don't know who "he" is yet, that God is right now raising up and preparing a wonderful, faithful, strong, and consistent man of God to be my husband - who values purity, lives with Christ at the center of all he does and thinks, and whose character is a reflection of the Lord.
I'll update later on this week about intern adventures.
I appreciate your prayers and thoughts! God bless!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Welcome to Macon, Georgia
This afternoon we (mom, dad, and I) arrived in Macon, GA...to begin the first leg of this new journey: internship. On Wednesday, Mom and Dad will return to the chilly county of Aroostook in Northern Maine, lucky them!
Complete with sunshine, a warm breeze, and beautiful budding magnolias, we felt very welcomed by the southern charm of the residents and peacefulness of this countryside. We've done a little exploring around the area and I'm excited to see what God has planned for me here over these next 6 1/2 months.
Stay tuned for more updates on this season of life and some pictures to show you what this place is all about!
Complete with sunshine, a warm breeze, and beautiful budding magnolias, we felt very welcomed by the southern charm of the residents and peacefulness of this countryside. We've done a little exploring around the area and I'm excited to see what God has planned for me here over these next 6 1/2 months.
Stay tuned for more updates on this season of life and some pictures to show you what this place is all about!
Friday, May 15, 2009
laugh out loud
Running errands for my dad yesterday afternoon led me to Walmart - as I was checking out with some groceries I glanced to my right and behold I saw something quite comical - there in a cart piled high in every direction, angle and pocket of space in the cart sat a little toddler. This little blonde girl wearing a bright pink dress sat patiently playing with groceries that were not only packed all around and aboveher, but were packed beside, behind, etc. It was hilarious. This little girl actually looked like a grocery. It was a picture perfect moment, I wish I'd had my camera, but this is my best attempt at drawing what I saw:
Saturday, May 09, 2009
inspiration
I was sitting at my computer tonight and the Lord led me to review my blogs from December of last year. I found this post here (12/8/08) and it ministered greatly to my heart...I felt that for some reason it needed to be published a second time. May the Lord speak also to your hearts as you read:
What inspires you?
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?
So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from its sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.
I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.
"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"
What inspires you?
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?
So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from its sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.
I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.
"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"
Thursday, May 07, 2009
relationship
The concept of "relationship" has been a running theme over the last year or so in my life - a concept which I have thought over, chewed on, brainstormed, resented, enjoyed, appreciated, feared, run from, and embraced. Recently I've been exposed through the news, television, and various magazine articles to the reality of poor relationship in our world and reminded about just how real this issue is.
Yesterday I realized how much help people need in "real" relationship. We so often fail at keeping it pure - so miserably so that no one even dares to do it right. No one seems to know how. We've told ourselves, convinced ourselves into this mechanical way of operating with one another. Most times it's not relationship at all...it's mere acquaintanceship or simply knowing the right people because you have to or need to in order to achieve something. Since when have people ever legitimately been rightly considered as pons opposed to persons?
There's always some sort of twist, some distraction, perversion, agenda, or false thinking that gets in the way. Assumptions rot at the heart like some deadly sickness but are contagious at first glance. They feed on the mind, body & general well being of the assumer until they are entirely preoccupied with themselves, with this sickness, their assumptions and they no longer find it of any value to purely pursue and seek appropriate boundaries within the scope of relationship.
Relationship becomes a matter of 'yeh or neh', 'go or stay'. No one is privileged nor permitted to simply "be". What a terrible sickness - this plaque of the heart - soot of the mind sort of thing. If only we could fully, unmistakeably embrace our roles as male & female in accordance with the great Creator's original design - rather than aligning ourselves with selfish fantasies and naive expectations in life - to LIVE in relationship with others as a direct overflow of our devoted relationship with Him.
...Father teach us how to Love like You...
......... teach us to walk in relationship with You...
.................. to be as You would have us be...
.................. to honor You in our words, thoughts & actions...
.................. to keep You at the center of our relationships...
.................. ALWAYS!
Yesterday I realized how much help people need in "real" relationship. We so often fail at keeping it pure - so miserably so that no one even dares to do it right. No one seems to know how. We've told ourselves, convinced ourselves into this mechanical way of operating with one another. Most times it's not relationship at all...it's mere acquaintanceship or simply knowing the right people because you have to or need to in order to achieve something. Since when have people ever legitimately been rightly considered as pons opposed to persons?
There's always some sort of twist, some distraction, perversion, agenda, or false thinking that gets in the way. Assumptions rot at the heart like some deadly sickness but are contagious at first glance. They feed on the mind, body & general well being of the assumer until they are entirely preoccupied with themselves, with this sickness, their assumptions and they no longer find it of any value to purely pursue and seek appropriate boundaries within the scope of relationship.
Relationship becomes a matter of 'yeh or neh', 'go or stay'. No one is privileged nor permitted to simply "be". What a terrible sickness - this plaque of the heart - soot of the mind sort of thing. If only we could fully, unmistakeably embrace our roles as male & female in accordance with the great Creator's original design - rather than aligning ourselves with selfish fantasies and naive expectations in life - to LIVE in relationship with others as a direct overflow of our devoted relationship with Him.
...Father teach us how to Love like You...
......... teach us to walk in relationship with You...
.................. to be as You would have us be...
.................. to honor You in our words, thoughts & actions...
.................. to keep You at the center of our relationships...
.................. ALWAYS!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
a cycle of breath
breathing slowly
hoping
waiting
breathing stillness
waiting
silence
open
broken
wonder
loss
breathing hard
fury
fear
confusion
doubt
frustration
annoyance
insecurity
adrenaline
fast
hard
nerves
anxiety
growing
oppressing
screaming
crying
breaking
breathing deepness
broken
silence
thinking
wonder
hoping
waiting
freedom
breathing slowly
waiting
resting
hoping
crying
weeping
panting
hungering
thirsting
breathing, breathing, breathing...
hoping
waiting
breathing stillness
waiting
silence
open
broken
wonder
loss
breathing hard
fury
fear
confusion
doubt
frustration
annoyance
insecurity
adrenaline
fast
hard
nerves
anxiety
growing
oppressing
screaming
crying
breaking
breathing deepness
broken
silence
thinking
wonder
hoping
waiting
freedom
breathing slowly
waiting
resting
hoping
crying
weeping
panting
hungering
thirsting
breathing, breathing, breathing...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
beautiful broken footsies
Two weeks ago I prayed for brokenness.
Almost two weeks ago (Thursday) I was running down the soccer field when my foot gave out on me. In an instant, a squish/pop/crackle/ick noise resounded all around me. I didn't claim it at first, I had to complete the play. Kicking the ball my foot flubbed (strange I thought to myself) - completing my stride I landed on my right foot. (OOEEEEKKKKKKKK! I think that gross noise was my foot.)
(ut oh, oh no, ut oh, on no I repeated under my breath the whole way off the field.)
No one took notice.
I hobbled away for help.
A friend came running and knew I was hurting.
I did not cry - I did not flinch.
My foot felt like mush and my heart was annoyed.
(Why now, huh? Why now? I'm SO SICk and tired of being sick! I just want to be healthy again!)
For the last three years of being at Bethany I've struggled with my health.
Sickness after injury, after sickness, after injury. It seems like the cycle never ends. It's weary, frustrating, and so full of praise and battle. God's breathed healing into my life many times and He's been more than faithful - and still I keep getting tested.
Two weeks ago was the beginning of my breaking point.
My feet have had a running tabulation of injuries, random ones over the last 2 years -- and one thing that resounds in my heart everytime is this: "how beautiful are the feet that bring the Good News"...
I'll tell you what, I don't feel like my feet are particularly beautiful when I can't walk on them, when they're swollen, bruised, blistered, beaten, weak, incapable of supporting me, stiff, or even broken.
Yet somehow...I feel like they're being prepared - being strengthened through this brokenness - being stretched through these periods of bruising.
I was in St. John last Thursday preparing to get my half-cast removed and a full cast secured on my once strong foot. (Another fun thing about these injuries is they rotate feet - nice, eh?)Waiting, waiting and waiting was followed by more waiting. It seemed like no one was willing to help me because I didn't have a hunk of cash to place in their hands. After skuddling around for over an hour with my insurance information - and making me 1 1/2 hours late for my appointment I was 20 minutes early to - I was signing paperwork to be seen by the doctor. Numerous apologies were being given - but in that hour of waiting I hit rock bottom.
I was broken at my core.
Hopeless almost - yet barely hanging on.
I knew there was Hope present - I was blinded to seeing it.
I knew there was Hope in the Healer - I was too weak to ask.
Yet as I crutched my way into the examination room - no wait necessary (to make up for the complications earlier) I sat on that table and thought - finally- I finally made it.
My friend prayed deep in her heart that this trip would not be in vain.
She prayed for Healing.
As they went to remove my half cast I started to help the guy unwrap the bandages - he looked me right in the eyes and said, "what are ya doing that for? let me cut it off, eh! You don't plan on keepin it for something do ya?"
I chuckled to myself, "No sir, I don't plan on keeping it...go for it."
The ties to this cast were severed and cut to bits.
I was able to wiggle my toes now - something I hadn't done in a week - and the purple tint and swelling had vanished from the time of our arrival.
The doctor decided I didn't need a cast because it would be a nuisance more than anything and that I should slowly work on applying weight and pressure to it.
I spent the next few days "weaning" off crutches.
It's hard for me to take it easy - but now I can walk with a bit of a hobble in my step.
There's still a significant amount of pain and soreness - yet I know my God is faithful. I can walk again. He picked me up in my brokenness and "set my feet to walking".
I've never cried so much - and wept in my life as I did during that week.
I've never felt more unable to express myself...
More incompetent - worthless- helpless- broken...
Praise God for stretching us...even the biggest, toughest muscles of all - like the heart! He is good!
Almost two weeks ago (Thursday) I was running down the soccer field when my foot gave out on me. In an instant, a squish/pop/crackle/ick noise resounded all around me. I didn't claim it at first, I had to complete the play. Kicking the ball my foot flubbed (strange I thought to myself) - completing my stride I landed on my right foot. (OOEEEEKKKKKKKK! I think that gross noise was my foot.)
(ut oh, oh no, ut oh, on no I repeated under my breath the whole way off the field.)
No one took notice.
I hobbled away for help.
A friend came running and knew I was hurting.
I did not cry - I did not flinch.
My foot felt like mush and my heart was annoyed.
(Why now, huh? Why now? I'm SO SICk and tired of being sick! I just want to be healthy again!)
For the last three years of being at Bethany I've struggled with my health.
Sickness after injury, after sickness, after injury. It seems like the cycle never ends. It's weary, frustrating, and so full of praise and battle. God's breathed healing into my life many times and He's been more than faithful - and still I keep getting tested.
Two weeks ago was the beginning of my breaking point.
My feet have had a running tabulation of injuries, random ones over the last 2 years -- and one thing that resounds in my heart everytime is this: "how beautiful are the feet that bring the Good News"...
I'll tell you what, I don't feel like my feet are particularly beautiful when I can't walk on them, when they're swollen, bruised, blistered, beaten, weak, incapable of supporting me, stiff, or even broken.
Yet somehow...I feel like they're being prepared - being strengthened through this brokenness - being stretched through these periods of bruising.
I was in St. John last Thursday preparing to get my half-cast removed and a full cast secured on my once strong foot. (Another fun thing about these injuries is they rotate feet - nice, eh?)Waiting, waiting and waiting was followed by more waiting. It seemed like no one was willing to help me because I didn't have a hunk of cash to place in their hands. After skuddling around for over an hour with my insurance information - and making me 1 1/2 hours late for my appointment I was 20 minutes early to - I was signing paperwork to be seen by the doctor. Numerous apologies were being given - but in that hour of waiting I hit rock bottom.
I was broken at my core.
Hopeless almost - yet barely hanging on.
I knew there was Hope present - I was blinded to seeing it.
I knew there was Hope in the Healer - I was too weak to ask.
Yet as I crutched my way into the examination room - no wait necessary (to make up for the complications earlier) I sat on that table and thought - finally- I finally made it.
My friend prayed deep in her heart that this trip would not be in vain.
She prayed for Healing.
As they went to remove my half cast I started to help the guy unwrap the bandages - he looked me right in the eyes and said, "what are ya doing that for? let me cut it off, eh! You don't plan on keepin it for something do ya?"
I chuckled to myself, "No sir, I don't plan on keeping it...go for it."
The ties to this cast were severed and cut to bits.
I was able to wiggle my toes now - something I hadn't done in a week - and the purple tint and swelling had vanished from the time of our arrival.
The doctor decided I didn't need a cast because it would be a nuisance more than anything and that I should slowly work on applying weight and pressure to it.
I spent the next few days "weaning" off crutches.
It's hard for me to take it easy - but now I can walk with a bit of a hobble in my step.
There's still a significant amount of pain and soreness - yet I know my God is faithful. I can walk again. He picked me up in my brokenness and "set my feet to walking".
I've never cried so much - and wept in my life as I did during that week.
I've never felt more unable to express myself...
More incompetent - worthless- helpless- broken...
Praise God for stretching us...even the biggest, toughest muscles of all - like the heart! He is good!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
a special kind of love
Love.
It's what we were created to do.
We were fashioned in love.
Created in love.
Molded together in love.
Growing in love.
Breathing in love.
Yet somehow, though it's all around us- not often does one find a special kind of love.
What sort of love am I raving about now, you might ask?
I had an accident this week.
An unfortunate accident at that.
Running down the soccer field, I took one perfect step that dealt me my fate.
The squishing, and strange pop I heard made my stomach churn.
Not sure of it's source, I kicked the ball - watching my foot flounder and landing, only to realize I couldn't bare weight on my foot at all.
"ut oh, that noise was my foot" I soon realized.
Too in shock to cry - the pain was deep and welling inside.
Thankfully, God sent friends to love me along the way - friends who gave up fun games and study time to sit at the ER with me.
So I truly believe I've seen this special kind of love in action A LOT these last few days. How you might ask? What is this special love?
It's the kind of love that carries you on its back up endless flights of stairs because you couldn't possibly manage to walk.
It's the kind of love that colors you pictures or sends a note just to say hey.
It's the kind of love that teaches you theology you'd never understand any other way.
It's the kind of love that smiles at you and says, "Hey pretty lady, can I take your crutch?"
It's the kind of love that winks at you just to let you know they're watching.
It's the kind of love that walks with you, talks with you, and stays the night just in case you need anything.
It's the kind of love that makes you laugh - lots - deep deep inside.
It's the kind of love that gives nicknames like "hop-a-long".
It's the kind of love that wipes your tears when you're too weak not to cry.
It's the kind of love that makes you see Jesus shining on someone's face!
It's the kind of love that reflects the King and His heart - the example of His love for us in action - friend to friend - one to another.
My heart has been blessed by this love and I hope only to love the same in return.
It's what we were created to do.
We were fashioned in love.
Created in love.
Molded together in love.
Growing in love.
Breathing in love.
Yet somehow, though it's all around us- not often does one find a special kind of love.
What sort of love am I raving about now, you might ask?
I had an accident this week.
An unfortunate accident at that.
Running down the soccer field, I took one perfect step that dealt me my fate.
The squishing, and strange pop I heard made my stomach churn.
Not sure of it's source, I kicked the ball - watching my foot flounder and landing, only to realize I couldn't bare weight on my foot at all.
"ut oh, that noise was my foot" I soon realized.
Too in shock to cry - the pain was deep and welling inside.
Thankfully, God sent friends to love me along the way - friends who gave up fun games and study time to sit at the ER with me.
So I truly believe I've seen this special kind of love in action A LOT these last few days. How you might ask? What is this special love?
It's the kind of love that carries you on its back up endless flights of stairs because you couldn't possibly manage to walk.
It's the kind of love that colors you pictures or sends a note just to say hey.
It's the kind of love that teaches you theology you'd never understand any other way.
It's the kind of love that smiles at you and says, "Hey pretty lady, can I take your crutch?"
It's the kind of love that winks at you just to let you know they're watching.
It's the kind of love that walks with you, talks with you, and stays the night just in case you need anything.
It's the kind of love that makes you laugh - lots - deep deep inside.
It's the kind of love that gives nicknames like "hop-a-long".
It's the kind of love that wipes your tears when you're too weak not to cry.
It's the kind of love that makes you see Jesus shining on someone's face!
It's the kind of love that reflects the King and His heart - the example of His love for us in action - friend to friend - one to another.
My heart has been blessed by this love and I hope only to love the same in return.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
what I like about daffodils
they're yellow - bright - cheerful
they have a hollow tube-like stem
they resemble a star - or burst of yellow liveliness
they are some of the first signs of life in spring time
they represent new beginnings and fresh seasons
a friend picked me a flower today.
I love flowers.
it was a daffodil.
it was a rainy day.
the sun fought to show its brilliance at different times
a friend brought me a flower and it made me smile
my journey is "finishing" and a new is emerging here at BBC.
I cried as I clutched the daffodil in thought
the fragrance of spring now rested in my hand
What's next Lord, I dared to ask...
"rest beloved...I'm working my plan!"
fighting tears and laughter and smiles and such,
I remembered again how I love this friend much!
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...
He leadeth me beside still waters...
and maketh me to lie down in green pastures...
he hast prepared for me a table in the presence of mine enemies...
I will fear no evil, for He is with me...
my cup overflows...
surely goodness and mercy shall follow me...
all the days of my life...
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord...forever!"
they have a hollow tube-like stem
they resemble a star - or burst of yellow liveliness
they are some of the first signs of life in spring time
they represent new beginnings and fresh seasons
a friend picked me a flower today.
I love flowers.
it was a daffodil.
it was a rainy day.
the sun fought to show its brilliance at different times
a friend brought me a flower and it made me smile
my journey is "finishing" and a new is emerging here at BBC.
I cried as I clutched the daffodil in thought
the fragrance of spring now rested in my hand
What's next Lord, I dared to ask...
"rest beloved...I'm working my plan!"
fighting tears and laughter and smiles and such,
I remembered again how I love this friend much!
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...
He leadeth me beside still waters...
and maketh me to lie down in green pastures...
he hast prepared for me a table in the presence of mine enemies...
I will fear no evil, for He is with me...
my cup overflows...
surely goodness and mercy shall follow me...
all the days of my life...
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord...forever!"
Sunday, April 05, 2009
laughter and tears
There is something remarkably cleansing about laughing.
For example today - something struck me funny and I chuckled, then I got a laugh feeling in my tummy and chest I couldn't help and I kept laughing for a good five minutes- until I didn't even know what I was laughing about...but it was good, refreshing, hearty, and elating.
Lately that's all I do...laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry.
Sometimes if things are really crazy, both happen simultaneously.
Yet somehow in the midst of a lot of "stuff" going on...
I am constantly reminded that I serve a God who is worthy of worship.
Despite circumstances, in every season He is still God.
He is still loving, gracious, and He will withhold no good thing from those He loves.
This mode of thinking doesn't mean we always agree with God's definition of what is good for those He loves, but it is solid truth.
A lot of change is going on in my heart, mind, spirit, and relationships all around me.God has blessed me over the last few days to grieve with and love on several of His children. I sense a closeness with the Body of Christ, a clinging in desperation from some of my brothers and sisters like they're clutching to the side of a lifeboat and waiting to be pulled in. Some are tempted to let go and drown, others are fiercely kicking and screaming so much, they are complicating the process of bring pulled into the boat and others whom the scales have been removed from their eyes are fighting against the current and monstrous waves while trusting the arm on the other side will not fail them. They realize it's time to grab a hold by faith and get out of the tumultuous waves.
It's moments of realization and victory that I celebrate and rejoice in. My heart both weeps and joys in yet another heart released from the bondage of the sea. Perhaps the most obvious lesson and realization for me to gather from this process is just that - it is a process - sometimes a long one- and rarely is it easy - sometimes it is frustrating - sometimes it is annoying - sometimes it feels hardly worth it - it's a fight - it's a battle - it's a full out war...but it's worth it! The heart condition of our brothers and sisters is worth every bit of mental tiredness, bumps and bruises we acquire along the way. For we minister "not by might, nor by power, but by God's Spirit".
My heart longs to see God's people pursue Him with a holiness and righteousness that is pure, reckless, relentless, abandoned to Him alone. Lord have your way in our hearts! Move among us - call us to a place where all we have and need is You!
For example today - something struck me funny and I chuckled, then I got a laugh feeling in my tummy and chest I couldn't help and I kept laughing for a good five minutes- until I didn't even know what I was laughing about...but it was good, refreshing, hearty, and elating.
Lately that's all I do...laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry.
Sometimes if things are really crazy, both happen simultaneously.
Yet somehow in the midst of a lot of "stuff" going on...
I am constantly reminded that I serve a God who is worthy of worship.
Despite circumstances, in every season He is still God.
He is still loving, gracious, and He will withhold no good thing from those He loves.
This mode of thinking doesn't mean we always agree with God's definition of what is good for those He loves, but it is solid truth.
A lot of change is going on in my heart, mind, spirit, and relationships all around me.God has blessed me over the last few days to grieve with and love on several of His children. I sense a closeness with the Body of Christ, a clinging in desperation from some of my brothers and sisters like they're clutching to the side of a lifeboat and waiting to be pulled in. Some are tempted to let go and drown, others are fiercely kicking and screaming so much, they are complicating the process of bring pulled into the boat and others whom the scales have been removed from their eyes are fighting against the current and monstrous waves while trusting the arm on the other side will not fail them. They realize it's time to grab a hold by faith and get out of the tumultuous waves.
It's moments of realization and victory that I celebrate and rejoice in. My heart both weeps and joys in yet another heart released from the bondage of the sea. Perhaps the most obvious lesson and realization for me to gather from this process is just that - it is a process - sometimes a long one- and rarely is it easy - sometimes it is frustrating - sometimes it is annoying - sometimes it feels hardly worth it - it's a fight - it's a battle - it's a full out war...but it's worth it! The heart condition of our brothers and sisters is worth every bit of mental tiredness, bumps and bruises we acquire along the way. For we minister "not by might, nor by power, but by God's Spirit".
My heart longs to see God's people pursue Him with a holiness and righteousness that is pure, reckless, relentless, abandoned to Him alone. Lord have your way in our hearts! Move among us - call us to a place where all we have and need is You!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Mission's Week Monologue
Zachary Armand, one of my good brother-friends in Christ asked me to do a little creative writing for Mission's Week here on campus. When I started to consider what to do in light of missions, this is what came from my heart. This is a monologue that reflects the preparation stages of going on a mission's trip for 2 years (reflective of the 2+U movement), followed by thoughts while there, and closes with a second letter from the country. When I read this the Tuesday night of missions week in the chapel, no one budged...it was sheer silence as people thought. This blessed me very much. I pray your hearts are blessed as you read!
Missions Week Monologue – Bethany Bible College 2009
By: Christy L. Zbylut
Scene #1
I never thought this day would come. I’ve never been one to make hasty decisions and I know this journey has been in the making from the very beginning of my life. I never knew that committing my life to do God’s work would cost quite so much. I have laid aside dream after dream over the past few years only to find, they weren’t dreams at all. The funniest thing is, that as I have been obedient in turning over my dreams to Him, God has knit new dreams deep in the very core of my heart and soul. I long for and crave His presence - I desire nothing more that to live for God in everything I do. Such freedom met my heart when I gave EVERY comfortable thing in my life to Him. How could I ever live another way when I have tasted and seen the goodness of our God in response to obedience?
Blessed are these days to come - these days of hoping, waiting, learning, and loving. I am terrified about leaving, but I know I have no choice - for to disobey my God would be to forsake all that is within me. “To live is Christ and to die is gain!”
It’s tough to know what to pack when you are giving your life to go somewhere for two years - not fully aware if you’ll ever come back. Missionary work doesn’t really seem to come with a manual...so much of me desires to sell everything I own and just GO....now that I’m going I realize how wonderful this concept is - to live a live in reckless abandon to my King. God...to you be the glory! My life is in Your hands...
Scene #2
Beloved Family,
A cruel harshness has settled upon this land. I fee as though the enemy himself has taken up residence in the government. Weary faces plague the street - anxiously I search to find even one sign of LIFE. The eyes of the people are plain and distant - how I long to see a light revived in them that has now been consumed with darkness.
Things are not as I expected them to be - when I arrived there was great unrest in the city. Rebel soldiers are constantly on the watch and I have been informed that having a white woman in the village only adds to the stress. Though we cannot yet speak, my heart grows fonder of these people each day. Truly God longs for their souls to dwell with Him in eternity - but such hurt, loss, anger and loneliness have blinded them to the truth.
Years of turmoil have ravaged this country. For the safety of my hosts I cannot inform you of whom I am staying with. Please be in prayer for my original host family - their boldness on my behalf and for the sake of God’s glory have shaken my heart.
Just prior to my arrival, my intended hosts had their home raided by rebels looking for ‘the white woman’. A neighbor saw this take place and hurried to intersect my journey to the village. My hosts and their three little boys refused to reveal when or where I’d be arriving. This angered the rebels - and though I’d love to spare your hearts from the knowledge of such gruesome behaviors as those found in this country - I cannot - for I long for you to understand the power of our great God in the midst of the most painful of circumstances. I also long for you to know His love at greater depth than ever before - to know WHY we are to serve Him in JOY and PAIN.
My hosts were beaten by the rebels, their home was plundered and the man was taken by the rebels for further interrogation. Their neighbor helped me find a cousin of his - who agreed to care for me just outside the city. Sometimes I wonder if these people are crazy or not, risking their very lives to save mine - and all because we love Christ and the government does not. I feel so unworthy of being here - but I trust God has a purpose in my going and a purpose in my coming - for this reason I shall stand upon the Rock - when all around my soul gives way -He then is all my hope and stay.
Pray too for my new host family. They have four little ones 1, 3,6, and 8. They are precious and so much of me wants to feel guilty. For now all I can do is show these loving people Christ’s love and to try my best in communicating the Gospel truth to those chained in darkness. I trust the Spirit of God is communicating on a much deeper level than what my abilities have allowed me,
I love you all so very much - I must close this letter now in saying - there is rumor of a rebel raid tonight in the village. My host family is taking me to the mountains to care for the little ones. We must begin our journey at sundown. Traveling in the dark will be very difficult, but if we were to leave mid-day suspicions would rise in regards to where the ‘white woman’ is going. Everyday is such a risk for me - the rebels wish to destroy me - along with all those who believe the Truth like us. We may be few - but we are mighty by the power of God!
Mom, Dad, if we are never again to meet face to face - remember what we are called to - to love the unloved, to follow God at all costs, wherever He leads. I feel like you’ve always known this about me - my time IS short - maybe that’s why Daddy was so against my going at first. Rest assured that this is my plea “My life for the Gospel!”. I still remember your smiles and I dearly hope to see you again. If not in this lifetime, I anticipate rejoicing with you once again in eternity! Promise that you’ll continue God’s work when I’m gone - there is no better life - no greater joy! I LOVE YOU!
Scene #3
Dearest ones,
If you are reading this letter I anticipate you are doing so with tears, smiles, and probably lots of questions for if anyone is to read this letter it would only mean that I have encountered some circumstance that claimed my life and have gone to be with the Lord. Please, let your questions not be channeled in anger toward our God. Please TRUST the will of our Father - trust that my passing was not in vain and let there be celebration - after all, I know my soul is at rest.
I know you are all probably wondering how I went. I wish I could tell you - but God has given me no such revelation in regards to how I shall go. You are likely wondering if my passing was peaceful and sweet - I think you and I both know the likelihood of that in this part of the country would be rare. I do trust however, that regardless of whatever torture or brutality has crossed my path, that the light, peace, and joy of Christ will have surrounded me - much like Stephen when he was stoned.
I never knew when God called me to be a missionary what that could look like - and I know many times Daddy you were disappointed when I wasn’t bringing home the ideal paycheck like most of my high school friends. I know you felt ashamed at first when the town gossip couldn’t make enough cuts at how crazy and ridiculous I was being. I know your hearts broke when my fiancée and I decided to postpone our wedding to complete our two year commitment to the unreached people of our world. Mom, I know you wanted grandchildren and how cautious you wished I was when it came to adventuring with the Lord, but if you believe nothing else in this letter, believe this one thing - I have sought to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength - and though my life was never what you may have dreamed for me from the time I was a child - though safety and plenty may never be my boast - I have truly lived for I have lived for Christ!
Missions Week Monologue – Bethany Bible College 2009
By: Christy L. Zbylut
Scene #1
I never thought this day would come. I’ve never been one to make hasty decisions and I know this journey has been in the making from the very beginning of my life. I never knew that committing my life to do God’s work would cost quite so much. I have laid aside dream after dream over the past few years only to find, they weren’t dreams at all. The funniest thing is, that as I have been obedient in turning over my dreams to Him, God has knit new dreams deep in the very core of my heart and soul. I long for and crave His presence - I desire nothing more that to live for God in everything I do. Such freedom met my heart when I gave EVERY comfortable thing in my life to Him. How could I ever live another way when I have tasted and seen the goodness of our God in response to obedience?
Blessed are these days to come - these days of hoping, waiting, learning, and loving. I am terrified about leaving, but I know I have no choice - for to disobey my God would be to forsake all that is within me. “To live is Christ and to die is gain!”
It’s tough to know what to pack when you are giving your life to go somewhere for two years - not fully aware if you’ll ever come back. Missionary work doesn’t really seem to come with a manual...so much of me desires to sell everything I own and just GO....now that I’m going I realize how wonderful this concept is - to live a live in reckless abandon to my King. God...to you be the glory! My life is in Your hands...
Scene #2
Beloved Family,
A cruel harshness has settled upon this land. I fee as though the enemy himself has taken up residence in the government. Weary faces plague the street - anxiously I search to find even one sign of LIFE. The eyes of the people are plain and distant - how I long to see a light revived in them that has now been consumed with darkness.
Things are not as I expected them to be - when I arrived there was great unrest in the city. Rebel soldiers are constantly on the watch and I have been informed that having a white woman in the village only adds to the stress. Though we cannot yet speak, my heart grows fonder of these people each day. Truly God longs for their souls to dwell with Him in eternity - but such hurt, loss, anger and loneliness have blinded them to the truth.
Years of turmoil have ravaged this country. For the safety of my hosts I cannot inform you of whom I am staying with. Please be in prayer for my original host family - their boldness on my behalf and for the sake of God’s glory have shaken my heart.
Just prior to my arrival, my intended hosts had their home raided by rebels looking for ‘the white woman’. A neighbor saw this take place and hurried to intersect my journey to the village. My hosts and their three little boys refused to reveal when or where I’d be arriving. This angered the rebels - and though I’d love to spare your hearts from the knowledge of such gruesome behaviors as those found in this country - I cannot - for I long for you to understand the power of our great God in the midst of the most painful of circumstances. I also long for you to know His love at greater depth than ever before - to know WHY we are to serve Him in JOY and PAIN.
My hosts were beaten by the rebels, their home was plundered and the man was taken by the rebels for further interrogation. Their neighbor helped me find a cousin of his - who agreed to care for me just outside the city. Sometimes I wonder if these people are crazy or not, risking their very lives to save mine - and all because we love Christ and the government does not. I feel so unworthy of being here - but I trust God has a purpose in my going and a purpose in my coming - for this reason I shall stand upon the Rock - when all around my soul gives way -He then is all my hope and stay.
Pray too for my new host family. They have four little ones 1, 3,6, and 8. They are precious and so much of me wants to feel guilty. For now all I can do is show these loving people Christ’s love and to try my best in communicating the Gospel truth to those chained in darkness. I trust the Spirit of God is communicating on a much deeper level than what my abilities have allowed me,
I love you all so very much - I must close this letter now in saying - there is rumor of a rebel raid tonight in the village. My host family is taking me to the mountains to care for the little ones. We must begin our journey at sundown. Traveling in the dark will be very difficult, but if we were to leave mid-day suspicions would rise in regards to where the ‘white woman’ is going. Everyday is such a risk for me - the rebels wish to destroy me - along with all those who believe the Truth like us. We may be few - but we are mighty by the power of God!
Mom, Dad, if we are never again to meet face to face - remember what we are called to - to love the unloved, to follow God at all costs, wherever He leads. I feel like you’ve always known this about me - my time IS short - maybe that’s why Daddy was so against my going at first. Rest assured that this is my plea “My life for the Gospel!”. I still remember your smiles and I dearly hope to see you again. If not in this lifetime, I anticipate rejoicing with you once again in eternity! Promise that you’ll continue God’s work when I’m gone - there is no better life - no greater joy! I LOVE YOU!
Scene #3
Dearest ones,
If you are reading this letter I anticipate you are doing so with tears, smiles, and probably lots of questions for if anyone is to read this letter it would only mean that I have encountered some circumstance that claimed my life and have gone to be with the Lord. Please, let your questions not be channeled in anger toward our God. Please TRUST the will of our Father - trust that my passing was not in vain and let there be celebration - after all, I know my soul is at rest.
I know you are all probably wondering how I went. I wish I could tell you - but God has given me no such revelation in regards to how I shall go. You are likely wondering if my passing was peaceful and sweet - I think you and I both know the likelihood of that in this part of the country would be rare. I do trust however, that regardless of whatever torture or brutality has crossed my path, that the light, peace, and joy of Christ will have surrounded me - much like Stephen when he was stoned.
I never knew when God called me to be a missionary what that could look like - and I know many times Daddy you were disappointed when I wasn’t bringing home the ideal paycheck like most of my high school friends. I know you felt ashamed at first when the town gossip couldn’t make enough cuts at how crazy and ridiculous I was being. I know your hearts broke when my fiancée and I decided to postpone our wedding to complete our two year commitment to the unreached people of our world. Mom, I know you wanted grandchildren and how cautious you wished I was when it came to adventuring with the Lord, but if you believe nothing else in this letter, believe this one thing - I have sought to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength - and though my life was never what you may have dreamed for me from the time I was a child - though safety and plenty may never be my boast - I have truly lived for I have lived for Christ!
declaration
I was reading through my systematic theology textbook and came across this gem of a poem/prayer. It really speaks to some of the longings in my heart to seek after Christ with all I am, intentionally and purposefully, recklessly and fearlessly:
"Father, I am Your bread. Break me up and pass me around to the poor and needy of this world.
I am your towel. Dampen me with tears and with me wash the feet of people who are weary with walking and with working.
I am Your light. Take me out where the darkness is thick, there to shine and let Christ shine.
I am Your pen. Write with me whatever word You wish, and placard the word where the least and the lost of the world will see it and read it and be helped by it.
I am Your salt. Sprinkle me on all the things that You want for people, so that my faith and love and hope will flavor their experiences.
I am Your water. Pour me into people who thirst for You but do not even know that it is You for whom they thirst. Pour into them and trust that You have helped me to place in You. Pour into them the inward witness that is in me. Pour into them the promise that soon the summer drought will pass and refreshing rivers of water will gush down over them.
I am Yours, Lord God. Use me up in what You will, when You will, where You will, for whom You will, even if it means that I am given responsibilities that are considerable and costly."
(Grider 1994, 526-7)
"Father, I am Your bread. Break me up and pass me around to the poor and needy of this world.
I am your towel. Dampen me with tears and with me wash the feet of people who are weary with walking and with working.
I am Your light. Take me out where the darkness is thick, there to shine and let Christ shine.
I am Your pen. Write with me whatever word You wish, and placard the word where the least and the lost of the world will see it and read it and be helped by it.
I am Your salt. Sprinkle me on all the things that You want for people, so that my faith and love and hope will flavor their experiences.
I am Your water. Pour me into people who thirst for You but do not even know that it is You for whom they thirst. Pour into them and trust that You have helped me to place in You. Pour into them the inward witness that is in me. Pour into them the promise that soon the summer drought will pass and refreshing rivers of water will gush down over them.
I am Yours, Lord God. Use me up in what You will, when You will, where You will, for whom You will, even if it means that I am given responsibilities that are considerable and costly."
(Grider 1994, 526-7)
Monday, March 09, 2009
time change
I decided that I really appreciate the time change here in Canada.
It's a little after 7:00pm here in New Brunswick and it's still light out! :)
How I love the sunshine and refreshing air of spring time, especially after just returning from Pennsylvania on Chorale tour. We played in almost green grass down there in t-shirts and 65 degree weather. Spring time, where art thou?!
It's a little after 7:00pm here in New Brunswick and it's still light out! :)
How I love the sunshine and refreshing air of spring time, especially after just returning from Pennsylvania on Chorale tour. We played in almost green grass down there in t-shirts and 65 degree weather. Spring time, where art thou?!
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